Light.....After Great Darkness

I FINALLY saw the Light of Hope!!!

I haven't been able to read the Word in over 2 1/2 weeks. Hadn't been able to even open it. Couldn't fully understand why this great attack on me.

Until last night!!!

Well, let me back up. Yesterday morning I took my Bible outside and sat down and actually read about 3 passages in Psalms. That was all I could muster. I prayed briefly and that was about all I could muster. Tinkered on the piano a bit and cried out to God in great anguish.

Took my son to karate and prayed off and on while waiting in the car for an hour.

Got home and told the kids to get their Bibles. We haven't read in 2 1/2 weeks mind you. So kids are looking at me a bit strange. I don't feel like it, but I forge ahead. I don't "feel" like doing this. I don't "feel" like reading or praying. But I push forward even if it's only 5 min.

We briefly talked about relationship with God and how we (those of us in the family that don't have a relationship with God) have basically been pimping God. Do our duty on Sunday and then wait with our hand out the remainder of the week expecting to be lavished with blessings and get angry when we aren't. (another blog post on that later)

Then I began to share with them about this dark time. Why I have been so quiet, afraid, and in tears constantly. Fear of the visions I see. Fear of what I might do to myself. Quiet because I saw no hope and tears because that was all I could bring myself to do, along with begging God to please save me and protect me or else I would surely die.

As I was sharing with them, God began to bring to my rememberance a conversation I had 3 weeks ago. We were talking about fighting for our families and praying for our children that are lost and pushing God further away. I mentioned that I had challenged the enemy the day before. Told him he'd have to kill me before I allowed one of my children to be snared by him. I reminded God of all the promises He gave me for my family and again told the devil he could not have my family and the only way he would get them would be to kill me.

I was told I should never challenge the enemy that way, he will surely do all he can to defeat me. I said if we don't challenge him then we are saying our God has no power and from all I've read, my God has ALL power and ALL things are UNDER His feet. The enemy is in subjection to Him!!!

I forgot about that prayer. I've been begging God to help me understand why I was going through this dark time and to draw me out of it. I can't explain it any better than I have been deathly afraid my time was drawing nigh and that it would be at my own hands.

Little did I realize I would forget that conversation and less than a week later, the enemy began his attack on me and tried to take me out. LITERALLY

Since remembering that conversation and sharing it with the kids, I have felt a heaviness lift off me. I'm cautious but NOT defeated!!!!! For the first time in weeks I felt a ray of hope and saw a glimmer of light!!! It has been a long, hard, rough couple of weeks, but as I think about it, it seems as if it were a wilderness moment. You know in Matthew 3:17 the voice of God declares after Jesus has been baptized, "This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased." and IMMEDIATELY the next thing we see in Matthew 4:1 is that Jesus is led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. I could feel heaviness all around me, but no one would be there. I could hear movement all around me, but I would be the only one in the room. The sad thing is I would cower in my bed, not fearful of the enemy and his minions that may have been lurking about, but I was afraid of what I would do to myself. I was too weak to "pray" and so I'd just lay here in bed and cry out Lord if You don't save me, I won't be saved. If you don't rescue me, the enemy will win because I am not strong enough to fight this. Sometimes it would just be Lord Help ME!

But last night, something in the Spiritual realm happened. As I shared and remembered, I no longer felt heavy or defeated. The air in the room began to lighten up. I smiled for the first time last night and truly felt it.

Please pray for God's protection upon me and my children. I don't believe he's finished, but angry (the enemy that is). I didn't denounce my Lord though I did stop reading His Word. I didn't stop praying all together, my prayers were more like cries for mercy and questions. Not only is the enemy after my children, he will kill me to move me out of the way!!!!!

But God is greater!

Immediately after sharing with the kids, God put a song upon my heart. I pray this song blesses you as it did me. I sat here listening to it with tears streaming down my face. God has not put a song on my heart in over 2 weeks. Every morning I would wake up with the words of a song in my head and I'd look for it on youtube and that would be my song for the day. I would go have my quiet time and finish up with praise or worship to the particular song God gave me for the day. I had not had that until last night and this is what He gave me!!! Enjoy! 

We War NOT Against Flesh and Blood...

With our latest family situation, we have all been crying out to God and seeking Divine Intervention.  This is a battle that none of us can really fight and for a moment it seemed like our hands were tied.  Our hands tied is sometimes just the way God wants it.  This morning when I awoke, I asked the Lord for a word as I opened His Word.  2 Corinthians 10:3-5 came to mind.  Before I could actually turn there I was quoting it from memory and began to ask God to show me exactly what it meant.  In other words, what was He saying to me.

I read it and before I could finish reading it, I heard....you all are fighting this battle the wrong way.  You all are so distraught and heavy laden, you weren't meant to carry this load and you are not qualified to fight this battle.  Your focus is in the wrong area.  The enemy has distracted all of you.  You can't see the spirit behind all of this because you're so busy looking at the people involved.  You all are angry with their decisions and yet you don't see how the enemy has manipulated circumstances and thoughts.  You already have the victory and yet because your focus is in the wrong place, you all are losing the battle.

I finally said OK Lord, I'm listening.  Make it plain and clear.  He (The Holy Spirit) said, there is NOTHING new under the sun.  Everything the enemy has ever done, he continues to do and because of our growth in Christ or lack thereof, we handle the attacks differently and they go from turning our world upside down to just being an irritation.  He said you all are angry, you're growing bitter and resentful and that is the exact way the enemy wants you to respond.  If you are busy looking at the people in this you are distracted from what the enemy is really doing and thus he keeps you all in bondage.
He then said you humans are controlled by 1 of 2 Spirits; demonic or Holy.  It's a matter of whose bidding are you doing.  So while these young people are doing the enemies bidding, you all are mad at them and not the spirit behind their actions, thoughts, and words and thus now YOU are doing the enemies bidding.  So you keep fighting and you lose.  He said fight this battle with My Word and lay it at my feet and watch Me win this battle.  He said if I have told you in My Word that WE have the victory and WE win, why do you fight like WE lose?  Rebuke the enemy, share My cup/body at the table and take on MY life and victory and tell the enemy to go back to hell from whence he came.  Pray and Believe!

I called my sister and shared with her.  I told her she had to quit talking to the wrong people and pour her heart out to God.  He's waiting to fight the battle but in essence because we are trying to work things out in our own way and time, we have basically tied the hands of the Lord.  I know some will say, but the Lord has all power...and this is very true.  However, we have the ability to stay His hand and power when we walk outside of His covenant and will.

She immediately said OH MY GOODNESS, you are so right.  We knew this, why didn't we do it from the beginning.  I said....we are human!!!! ;-)

As she began to fight in the spirit her countenance began to lift and change.  Her heart began to soar.  She began to have hope once again.  This battle is far from over in the flesh, but God already said HE has the victory and IT IS FINISHED!!!!

I share this with you to say, if you are feeling defeated.  If the enemy has you going through some mess, it's time for you to stop fighting this battle on your own.  His Word tells us that this battle is NOT ours but it is the Lords.  It's time to step back, pray, believe, trust, and Know that you Know that God can and will fight the battle far better than you ever could think or imagine.  And as Shadrach, Meshec, and Abendego once said basically even if it doesn't turn out the way you want it to, Trust Him anyway and don't let go of God and do the bidding of the enemy.

NASB:  2 Corinthians 10:3-5  3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, 4 for theweapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for thedestruction of fortresses. 5 We are destroying speculations and everylofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are takingevery thought captive to the obedience of Christ... 


NLT:  2 Corinthians 10:3-5  3 We are human, but we don't wage war with human plans and methods. 4 We use God's mighty weapons, not mere worldly weapons, to knock down the Devil's strongholds. 5 With these weapons we break down every proud argument that keeps people from knowing God. With these weapons we conquer their rebellious ideas, and we teach them to obey Christ...