It's been a day

Today marks 1 year that my mother has been home with the Lord.  This entire week has been an emotional roller coaster, as I could replay words, steps, thoughts, and moments that led up to this point in 2009.
I've wanted to give up and walk away, but God.  If not for Him keeping me, I KNOW I would not have made it.
My children and I went to the DFW National Cemetery.  The first time we've been back since last year for her funeral.  My son stayed in the car, so it was just me and the girls.  It was not easy, but I'm glad we did it.  Even after my tears and such, I wondered would I return there?  Would I put flowers down again?  My mother is not there.  She is present with the Lord.
As we were driving back home, I was trying to figure out what we would do as a celebration of her life each year.  Here is what I came up with... we will release a balloon for each year that she has been with Jesus and light a candle at 5 pm, which is the time that the family gathered in preparation of removing her from life support.  I don't know if I will ever go back to the cemetery, but I will celebrate what a marvelous woman she was!!!!

New Years Eve - Morning

Today my baby sister will be getting married.  Kinda reminds me of when I got married almost 17 years ago.  Mom was not able to be there physically for me when I married and neither will she be there for my sister when she says I do either.

Moments like today and Christmas, and I'm positive others to come, will make us reflect back on who our mother really was.  She was a giant....one whose shoes none of us will ever be able to fill.  She never saw herself as strong or worthy, but if she only knew...we all looked to her for strength just so we could hold on and move forward.

They say this will get easier.  She was our best friend, I don't know if that's possible for it to get easier.  When my brother and then father passed away, it was sad and it hurt and yes over the years it did get easier.  Those two were my best friends as well, but none of them like my mother.  I think it's different when it's a mother.  Those heart strings begin to be knitted and tied together long before birth.  So when you lose a mother, it feels like you have just fallen into an abyss.

Tomorrow will mark the beginning of a new year.  A new year without either of my parents.  A new year I must learn to grow up even more.  A new year that I must try to hold on to so many memories and yet pass on so many things to my children from their grandparents.  A new year to lean on God a little bit more, trust Him even more, and call on Him a lot more.
No grand celebration for our family.  We are thankful and blessed for a new year, but this is also the year of so many unwanted changes.

We love you mom, we wouldn't want you back on this side of heaven simply because we can only imagine the joy, peace, and love you must feel now.  One day, we too will be on that side of heaven with you and we'll fully understand your joy.

God Bless...

Please be in prayer

Tragedy has struck our church family.


We learned yesterday that one of the members of the Youth Praise Team passed away.  We don't know full details, he was running at a track, passed out and was rushed to the hospital where he was pronounced dead.
Please keep his family in your prayers.  His name was Donnie Wade.
My girls have sung with him while being part of the praise team and they are in shock.