Get Out of That Pit...Ch. 1

Before I go further, I wanted to impress that the pushing of my buttons was not people letting me know what my children were posting on Facebook.  I no longer have Facebook and so I greatly appreciate when people contact me out of concern.  The pushing of my buttons is that I KNOW the enemy is doing ALL he can to ensnare my children.....

I decided not to post on Chapter 1 yesterday, but to just meditate on yesterdays message from church as well as to re-read chapter 1.  I'm still re-reading.  It's not a long chapter, but I'm taking it extra slow.

In the couple of pages I read the first time, tears streamed down my face.  Tears of understanding.  When we think of a pit, as Christians, we more than likely associate it with a pit of sin.  That we are in our despair because of sin.  Now for the most part, that may be true, but as I read on, it seemed to me that the 3 different ways of getting into the pit she describes are all ways I've gotten in.  The sad thing is that so many of us are in this pit and we've begun to decorate it and try to make the most of it and be content.

However, I'm like Beth, I think there are just some things we aren't supposed to be content with and being in the pit is #1!!!

"A pit is an early grave that Satan digs for you in hopes he can bury you alive.  Should you fall into it, make no mistake; he cannot make you stay.  Ironically, neither will God make you leave.  Like it or not, some things are simply up to us.  (This statement will become clearer in another chapter)

Psalms 40:1-3 says I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifter me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.

When all is said and done, this will be my victory message...

She says you know you are in a pit when.....

1. You feel stuck...Isaiah 42:22  This describes me.  I have felt like surely I did something to deserve to get here so I might as well make the most of it and deal with it.

2. You can't stand up...Psalm 69:2  I feel ineffective and powerless against the attacks of the enemy.

3.  You've lost vision...I can tell you this is a dark place, this pit.  There is no vision here.  I look around with a fleeting moment of hope and then suddenly all hope is gone.  Not able to see a way out, I turn inward.  She says "We can't see out, so we turn our sights in.  After a while, nearsightedness breeds hopelessness.  We feel too buried in our present state to feel passionate about a promised future."

THIS IS ME!!!!  THIS IS ME!!!!  Finally, someone understands!!!!!

There is one thing I know, I want out of this pit!  I want my freedom back!  I have not understood the pit, but I have prayed and told God I felt like I was in a grave, a dark place.  There is darkness all around and at times there are glimmers of light, but after you've been digging in the muck for so long, you're too tired to even try and fight for the bit of light you see or you try and you enjoy it for a moment and the enemy hits you with something else and you topple back down to the bottom.  After you've been struck down so many times, you get too tired to even dig and you sit there trying to make the best of it and be content.  And yet I'm constantly saying, Lord this does not feel like the abundant life you promised.  And by that, I don't mean EVERY moment will be sunshine, but it will far outweigh the gloom.  I have fleeting moments of sunshine and the gloom is eating me alive.

I can say I fully understand what my mother went through the last year of her life for sure, but she didn't know how to describe it nor was I fully capable of understanding what she could describe.

This is no cake walk, it is definitely a war.  It is a spiritual war and the enemy is out to steal, kill, and destroy.  He doesn't let up either.  He is relentless until we give up or we FINALLY get to that place of victory through Christ Jesus.  The victory has already been won, you say.  I say it has and I agree, but there is a battle in the spirit realm and in my mind.  The battle is ongoing and I'm fighting for my life!!!!  Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.  The only thing is.....we never know how long the night will last!!!!  As for me, THIS HAS BEEN A LONG NIGHT and I'm ready to wake up!

Thanks for allowing me to be honest.

I'm almost beginning to wonder if this book and Joyce Meyers book...The Battlefield of the Mind should be read simultaneously!!!  

Pimping God...

In an earlier post, I told you about a conversation I had with the kids about relationship with Christ and how many of us are pimping God.  I don't mean that in a crude way.  I don't mean to offend, but it WAS the very analogy that God gave me at the time, so I'm going to keep it real.  I won't sugar coat it, but I will share the truth of it.

If we are honest, many of us at some point in our walk with God have done just that, we've pimped Him, or treated Him as our personal santa clause or sugar daddy.  We go to church on Sunday and put in our 2-2 1/2 hours and we come out with this super hero emblem puffed up on our chest.  We did something for God and NOW we're about to get "paid".  We may read a few scriptures hear and there or say a prayer...grace before a meal, and we then have this attitude that we have done right by God.  And the remainder of the time we are out doing our own thing.  Living our lives the way we want and enjoying every minute of it.  Saint on Sunday, Heathen the rest of the time.  Two standards...
and the sad thing is we think He is pleased and SHOULD be satisfied with that!!!!  Then....
we get ticked off when nothing we want or asked for comes to fruition!

OUCH or AMEN...

We now feel God is obligated to BLESS us because we have done our duty.  We have our hands out; gimme is our middle names (and some of our first and last names too)!
We don't understand why God isn't blessing us.  We can't fathom why God has stopped the flow.  If you've ever said or thought...my prayers aren't answered, He doesn't hear me, or this Christian stuff doesn't work.....you've been pimping God!

May I dare say that God is not after being your hook up, your sugar daddy, or your santa claus.  God wants a relationship with you.  He wants to be your best friend and He wants to hang out with you.  Imagine for a moment if you will, You have a friend that never calls you to just say hi or talk.  They never come by to visit you and when you visit them, they don't have time or ignore you all together.  However, if they called and the person that answered the phone said "so and so" is on the phone, your immediate thought would be what do they WANT!
That would be because you have NO RELATIONSHIP!!!
Ever heard someone say...oh they just call when they need something?
You usually nip these types of "friendships" in the bud and cease to entertain all calls from these type of people.
WHY?????  Because you want relationship!!!!

Well, if we as mere humans want something as simple as relationship, what do you think our Great Father in heaven wants?
In Genesis 3:8, They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day..... I'd like to suggest to you that this is because He was accustomed to walking with Adam and Eve and conversing with them as friends do!  They had relationship.  They could talk with and to God, they could walk WITH Him.

There is no way possible to have friendship with the world and God.  We will hate one and love the other!!!
The issue is, what we will not accept as humans from other people, we give to God and expect Him to accept it AND be happy with it!!!  I'd like to challenge you today to examine your relationship with Him.  Search your heart and ask God to search it as well.  Ask Him to show you if you have been putting up a front or if you truly have relationship.  Ask Him to reveal your heart to you and then Ask Him to give you a new heart and teach you how to have relationship with Him.
I've been crying out for a relationship with God like others relationship with Him and TODAY, I realize that every relationship is unique and different in the sense of how He relates to each of us and yet it's not.  He speaks to us through His Word, through music, through nature, or we just may hear His still small voice whispering to us and guiding/directing us.
Read John 15.  I have the New American Standard Bible, I read it there and then looked online and read it in the New Living Translation.  I like to sum up that chapter as the relationship chapter.
God wants to freely bless us, but He does not and will not do so at the expense of relationship with Him.  That is first and foremost....Matthew 6:33 Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven and ALL these things will be added to you!!!  Seek first relationship with God, Seek first His righteousness, Seek first His glory, Seek first His face, Seek first His heart........and all the blessings He has for you in heaven will be manifested here on earth.  IMAGINE if you will that when we get to heaven, God pulls back a curtain and reveals these were "YOUR" blessings.  I had them for you and because you were an heir to the throne, you were entitled to them, but because you didn't seek Me, a relationship, you missed out on these things!  And THESE THINGS don't necessarily have to be material possessions.  It can simply be PEACE!!!!!!

Have a blessed day in the Lord

Beautiful Monday Morning

This really is the day that the Lord has made.  Will you rejoice and be glad in it?
I use to hate Mondays.  I hated having to get up and go to work after what seemed like a short weekend.  I'm still in favor of working Tue-Fri. ;-)
But my perspective on Mondays has changed a bit.  It is another blessing that God has gifted us with to show forth His love to one another and to seek out the lost and share His goodness.  After all, you could have gone to bed on Sunday night and never woke up again.  I'm just saying!!!!!

On another note, my heart is very grieved by the things that are happening in NY.  My brother was gay and no one knew until very near his death.  I don't hate the people in this lifestyle, but I do grieve that they are living in sin and grieving the Holy Spirit.  I pray that their eyes will be opened and they will turn from the lies the enemy has fed them and they've chosen to believe.  Reach out to someone and plant the seed of God's truth and then allow God to do the rest.

Have a blessed Monday and choose today to seek Him with your ALL your heart.

Psalms 119:1-2 How blessed are those whose way is blameless, Who walk in the law of the Lord.  How blessed are those who observe His testimonies, Who seek Him with all their heart.

Jesus, You are Lord of ALL

scroll down and pause the player on the left before watching this video!

I know, that I know, that I know, that God is up to something good in my life. I don't fully understand all He is doing and I don't comprehend why He has to do it the way He is doing it, but I know that God only wants His best for me and I can't settle for anything less.

As I sit here reflecting on the song above that we sang yesterday during service and meditating on the words of the sermon, I know that God is stronger and able to do anything.

I won't and can't lie that these times have been hard, but I can say that through all of this, I am learning so much about myself and even more about my God.

He loves me with an unfailing love. When I am doing things He would not like for me to do or in a way He would not like me to, sometimes His Holy Spirit will speak to my heart and correct me; other times, He allows me to continue going forth, knowing that I must experience the repercussions from it to expand my growth and trust in Him.

A dear friend asked me recently how do I do IT? How do I go on trusting, having faith in, and walking with a God that would allow all that has happened to me? How do I not get angry? How do I not walk away? I've been chewing on those questions for days now and God has been formulating a response, because I never adequately answered that question.

I can say that I DON'T do it. I DO/HAVE gotten angry. I HAVE walked away. My trust has faltered, my faith has deteriorated, my walk is/has been shaky. I cling to this....that God knew me before I was even conceived. He knew everything about me before the beginning of time. There is NOTHING about my life that catches Him by surprise. Yet He still loves me. As parents we can tell our children something over and over again and then we know that after telling them so many times that sometimes they will just have to experience what we are saying to fully understand. Take for example, a hot stove. You tell your toddler don't touch, it is hot and yet he doesn't comprehend what that means. Then one day you are not in the room and he touches that hot stove and screams out in pain. You run to his rescue because that's what you do as a parent. As you are comforting him, you say gently, lovingly, that's hot. That's why mommy told you not to touch. Well, we are not any different. Sometimes we have to go through things because we are basically thick skulled and don't get the picture at first. What about those things that we think are just a bit harsh, like a husband walking out, or struggling as a single parent to make ends meet, or the loss of a loved one? He allows those things to happen to build your character and your walk/trust in Him.

Stop and think about Esther or Joseph (Pastor Evans talked about these two yesterday). Let's start with Joseph. He was the most loved by his father. ALL was going right in his world. he was dreaming big dreams and rubbing it all in his brothers faces. They hated and despised him. They wanted nothing to do with him. It was so great that when they saw him coming, they began to plot to kill him. Then they devised a plan to throw him in the pit, then to sell him. They thought they were rid of him forever. But keep those dreams in mind. How was God going to pull that off? He already had the plan going before He gave Joseph the dreams. So he's sold not once, but twice and ended up in Egypt. HA right smack dab in the middle of where God wanted him to be.

Notice, in Genesis 39:2 it says that THE LORD WAS WITH JOSEPH!!! (Remember Heb. 13:5)

He's now Potiphar's right hand man. Second only to Potiphar himself! Potiphar's wife accuses him of rape and he's sent to jail. He becomes the jailers right hand man. He later becomes Pharaoh's right hand man and is put in place to be able to feed his people and be reunited with his family!!! Now if we could ask Joseph if he enjoyed all the different valleys he had to travel through, I don't think he would say he enjoyed them one bit. I don't think he would say oh, being put in the pit was fun and being sold into slavery by his own brothers was an amazing experience, or that being accused of rape and going to prison was the highlight of his life. HOWEVER, He NEVER EVER lost His focus. His focus was not on those two dreams, his focus was on His God!!!! Genesis 41:16, 25, 28, 32, 51. He mentions God at all times!!! And though his focus was not on the dreams, those dreams did come to pass!

Esther was a beautiful Jew! She was placed in the kings palace and became his wife. Haman was planning to kill every Jew he could get close to. The king was unaware of his wife's heritage or Haman's plans. Queen Esther basically tells her uncle she can't go to the king and tell him who she is, he'll have her killed....after all, she was livin' large and really enjoying things as they were. Yet her uncle says to her don't think more highly of yourself than you ought, just because you are in the palace, you are still a Jew and you too will be killed with the rest of us. You weren't placed in that palace for your own pleasure, but for a time such as this...to save your people!!! To which she says, you know, you are right! I gotta do something and if I perish, I perish. Now we know Haman gets hung on the very gallows he had erected for Uncle Mordecai and that God's will was still accomplished.

My point is that GOD in His wisdom and power, orchestrated every minute detail of Joseph and Esther's lives for HIS WILL and GLORY!!!

What He did for them, He is doing for me as well! He's doing it for you too. We HAVE to go through the valleys of life to get to the next mountain top. HE promised us in His Word that we would have tribulations. HE also promised that HE would walk with us through those times. Yes, there are times when we can't see His hand nor feel His presence. There are times when we truly don't understand, but that is also because we don't know what the end result is. And we make the mistake of thinking the end result is for US!!! It is not!! Joseph's end result was not for his fame nor prominence, but for God's people. Esther's beauty and queenship was not so that she could be lifted up out of the horrific life of the Jews, but for God's people. Your trials are not solely for your growth, but for the testimony they will leave behind for your children and family, and for those that are watching you and you don't even know it.

Does that make any of it easier to walk through? By no means, but then He also said if we keep our focus on HIM, HIS WAYS, HIS WILL, He will remove our burden and carry it for us.

God promised us He would provide our needs, but He never said it would be what we wanted. Our needs....Food, Clothing, Shelter. That food may be oatmeal for what seems like eternity when you really would like to have a steak. Clothing may be from the thrift store when you would really like to go to the department stores in the fancy mall and buy brand new. That shelter, well, it may look like mine. It may be run down and beat up, and each room may not be usable, and the pipes may leak, and you may long to be in a nice brick home. He didn't PROMISE things would be rosy, but He did say to be content [satisfied and at ease where you are in spite of your circumstances].

That contentment doesn't come easy nor automatic...it has to be learned and the way He teaches contentment is by allowing us to go through the positives AND the negatives of life. Your focus will determine your contentment!

Is. 40:31 Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.

WAIT for the Lord

Gain new strength.

Soar over and through the trials of life depending on God.

You will run and not get tired.

You will go from running to walking but you won't get weary!

He said it, count on it, lean not to your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths (Prov. 3:5-6)...even through the valleys!

Hello 2011

We attended church for New Year's Eve and brought in the New Year with lots of laughter, praise, worship, and truth.  I have to say this has been my most memorable one yet.  I worshipped and as we sang, God allowed me to "hear" the words and see 2010 flash before my eyes.  All  the times I thought there was no way I'd make it and yet He kept me.  The thought of living without my mother and He carried me.  The trials and struggles with finances and He provided for us.  2010 was a year loaded with testimonies to who God is.

As a church family, at the beginning of 2010, we dedicated the year to Knowing Who God Is.  Little did I know that it would literally play out in my life.  Towards the end of 2010 we studied the names of God.  Through the names of God we get to see God's character.  Little did I know that I would literally get to see His character in every facet of my life, thus getting to know the names of God first hand.

During the last week of 2010, I read someone's blog and they were speaking of their goal for 2011.  At that moment, I thought very cynically, I'm still trying to make it through 2010 and you're asking what my goal is for 2011????  However, as we were sitting in church and listening to the teaching, I knew immediately what my goal for 2011 would be...A year of No Worries.  Matthew 6:32-34...The Gentiles (unsaved) worry about the things in life.  We as Christians have a Heavenly Father that already knows we need those things in life.  He just asks that we focus on Him first.  As Pastor Evans said it, put His Kingdom (His authority) and His Righteousness (His standards) first above any and every thing, and HE will add all the things (everything we need) to our lives.  What's so awesome is, not only will He add the things we need, but He'll even throw in some of the things we want!!!  He then went on to say, not to worry about tomorrow for it's got enough trouble of its own.  And truthfully, if we are focusing on God's Kingdom and Righteousness for TODAY, then tomorrow never comes, because tomorrow will always be today.  THAT was my ahhhhhhaaaaaaa moment.  In 2010 I focused on so many tomorrows.... in 2011, I want to focus on my todays and let God deal with my tomorrows.

In the beginning of 2010 I was filled with so much grief over my mother's death and the betrayal of my husband walking out again.  Though I am still grieving, this year I look forward to each day seeing what God will do in my life as He continues to draw me closer to Him.  I know He has great things in store for me and my children.

Wednesday Morning Ramblings

I'm just warning you now that what I am about to say is various thoughts going on in my head right now.  They may or may not make any sense, but they are important to me! ;-)

Last night during our family devotions...We are using Nancy Leigh Demoss' online Habakkuk study...she brought up many valid and insightful thoughts.  I've been thinking on them through out the night and well into today and even this morning during my quiet time.

She spoke about our timing not being God's timing and that He has an appointed time for everything.  He sees the bigger picture and knows just when the timing is right for various things He has planned in our lives.  She also said that whatever you are going through, whatever the circumstances, it will not last forever!!!!!!  Hallelujah

HE WILL FINISH MY STORY!!!

I began to ponder my post from Monday.  It was a rough day, so many doubts, fears, sadness, depression, and anger began to creep in.  I knew full well that it was an attack from the enemy, but I'm blessed to say that though the attacks come, they don't last as long as they used to.  A dear friend of the family shared the words to a song with me and I immediately found the song on my ipod and played it over and over.  The first time it was playing, I think I got maybe 2 minutes into the song and my spirits began to lift as I began to praise the Lord!  Immediate transformation began to take place as I praised my DADDY!  
As I began to ponder what Nancy Leigh Demoss was saying and my blog post, I could see things from a different perspective...I was seeing things through God's point of view.  I spoke of getting weary, however, God wants me to endure and be patient.  His plans and purposes for my life will come in His time.  I need to remain hopeful and faithful while waiting on the Lord.  it will surely come, it will not delay.  It seems like there is a delay to me because I'm in the mix of it.  I am also human and I want what I want, when I want it and I want it now.  Isn't that how most of us are?  We pray about something and after a few days or weeks we get weary in praying because we figure something should have happened by now!  OUCH, OUCH, OUCH as I step on my own toes.  Then when nothing happens we take matters into our own hands.  We figure we can help God out!
Can I get an amen!  I know it to be true in my own life, so I'll just speak for me!

This spoke to me on so many levels, my kids, my housing situation, my marital circumstances.

You know I'm as honest as I can be on my blog, so I'm just gonna confess it now...I already confessed it to God anyways, I'm not trying to hide from anyone.  I STOPPED praying for my husband LONG, LONG ago.  Yep, sure did.  Saw nothing new happening, don't know where he is now, no idea if the Lord is working on his heart, so I stopped.  Why pray for something or someone that is not changing?  Yet God has something else in mind.  I must continue to pray whether I see something happening or not.  1000 years is but 1 day to God.  I long for relationship, companionship, love, you know all that stuff that comes with marriage.  I want it.  I don't believe I was one of those God intended to remain single, but in this season that is just where I am.  I don't know what God's plans are.  I don't know if He will ever allow my husband to come back.  I don't know if I will get word from his family that he has passed away one day and thus God opens the door for a new relationship.  I don't know what He's going to do or how He's going to do it, but I do know He's up to something.  I do know that my happiness should never come at the expense of obedience to the Word.  It's hard at times, because the easy road would be to divorce, court, and remarry.  However, God has not opened that door for me.  He has not released me from this marriage.  I don't know if He ever will either and honestly, that's a hard road to travel.  In the end, I know He is using this time to speak to my heart and retrain my thought process and transform my life.

Will I feel this way a week from now?  Probably not, but I know God will continue to lead me back to this until it becomes so ingrained in me that it literally becomes natural to me.  He wants me to do just as Psalm 37:3-7 says; Trust in Jehovah, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.  Delight thyself also in Jehovah; and He will give thee the desires of thy heart.  Commit thy way unto Jehovah; Trust also in Him, and He will bring it to pass.  And He will make thy righteousness to go forth as the light, and thy justice as the noon-day.  Rest in Jehovah, and wait patiently for Him...

I know one day my heart will reflect that of the Father, until then I am striving for it.
Jesus You Are...

Could I be praying for the right miracle in the wrong way?

Ok, so it seems I'm doing all the talking during the day....I am not known for being quiet and listening to the Lord during my daily devotions and prayer time often.  I am usually awakened nightly between 1 and 2:30 every morning.  The Lord has usually laid things on my heart during this time and I'm ALWAYS amazed!

So last night I went to bed thinking I would get to sleep in till about 7ish at least.
NOT!!!!!!!!!!!
I was awakened around 1:20 this morning and was up until around 5:30ish.  The thought was could I be praying for the right miracle in the wrong way?  I'm praying for a debt free home, red, with white trim. (don't ask...I just want a red home with white trim). LOL

Could it be that God will raise up the $23,000 to pay off this house so that it is completely ours and debt free?  Could it be that God will raise up brothers and sisters in Christ to help me repair all the things in this home so that we can live in every room of this house?  Could it be that I will paint this home red with white trim?

Now, I'm about to list the needs in this home and I pray I don't offend anyone.  I pray that it is not looked upon in the wrong sense.  I'm just being obedient.

As many of you know, my mom passed away last Dec. (It's hard to believe it's almost a year already).  We have lived on her land for the last 10 years.  She left all the land to her grandchildren.  So my desire is really to stay here on her land, even though it is hard to not see her piddling with her flowers daily.
The single wide mobile home was a blessing from a dear friend when we were losing our double wide mobile home, shortly after my husband left.  I covered the $369 payments until recently.  It is a 3 bedroom, 2 bath.
So here goes, $23,000 is owed on this home.  If paid off, it would be a bit less because all the interest would not be included.  The home is well over 10 years old and all the pipes under the home are busted.  We aren't able to use the bathrooms, but a port-a-potty.  I won't explain how we bathe, but WE DO BATHE! ;-)  Several places in the flooring in the master bedroom and bathroom have rotted out from leaking as well as the kitchen.  We wash laundry at night because the water pours from beneath the house and I know I could be fined BIG TIME if this was known.
My girls share a room and my son and I sleep in the living room on two twin beds.  The living room is also our computer room, class room, and sewing room.  A bit crowded, but we make it work.

So, I didn't share that for sympathy, but what if.....  The world has Extreme Home Makeovers.  What if the body of Christ did for God's children what the world is doing?
What if this house was paid off, the repairs done, and painted red with white trim!!!  I would have the same miracle I'm praying for.  I KNOW God is more than able!

So again, Could I be praying for the right miracle in the wrong way?

Gotta Praise!!!!

WHERE DO I START?

Yesterday evening my oldest daughter was offered and accepted a nanny job that we KNOW will go through March.  Things will be reevaluated then to see if the lady will continue to work full time.

Ariante` is 18.  She will graduate in Dec.  She's been wanting a job for the past 5 years to help her mamma out and save for her schooling/missions trips through Christ For the Nations.  She will now be able to take over 2 bills and save.  This job will not only provide for her, our family, but also prepare her to be a wife/mom one day.  she will be cleaning and caring for a baby as well.  She's totally excited!!!

Also, my 17 year old, Akyra will be working part time (at least through Dec.) and she will take over half a major bill.  She will basically be a mother's helper.  She too will be learning even more to care for a home, cleaning and organizational skills, etc.  (It's a good thing I insisted they learn these things at home)!

We are all very excited and praising God for His provisions.

It takes our needs from $1100 a month down to $700 a month.  As we evaluate their pay, that may go down even further!!!!!

Can you say PRAISE THE LORD????  I AM!!!!!!!!

Also, a dear friend posted our needs on her website.  It was unknown to me until afterwards and she asked me to not be mad at her.  I'm not mad, but I am just amazed at the outpouring of love from others in Christ.  Someone is bringing us food, material so I can sew me some dresses and skirts, we've been offered various places to stay when they do come to get this home, etc.  It is just mind boggling to me how when the body of Christ comes together, needs are met.

The question then arises in my mind, if the body of Christ would come together on a regular basis like this, could we eliminate the struggles of single mama's?  Could we help the homeless more?  Instead of counting on the world to do for HIS children, we come together and do our parts....we really could be world changers!

Walking in the Wilderness

Exodus 5:1 ~ And afterward Moses and Aaron went in, and told Pharaoh, Thus says the Lord God of Israel, LET MY PEOPLE GO, THAT THEY MAY HOLD A FEAST TO ME IN THE WILDERNESS.

I've often wondered why did they have to go into the wilderness to celebrate the Lord.
Over the last couple of days I have listened and re-listened over and over again to a sermon by Pastor Tony Evans.  Revival: The Return of God to His People.  I've listened to it sooo many times that you would think I could quote it by heart and that there couldn't possibly be something new to get out of this sermon.

As I was walking around the kitchen, listening to this sermon yet again, a statement jumped out at me regarding Exodus 5:1.  Pastor explained it like this...
We think the purpose of Pharaoh letting God's people go was so that they could get to the promised land.  That was part of the reason, but before that, He wanted to develop them in the wilderness.  He put them in a situation in the wilderness to learn to put God first, to trust Him, to walk with Him, to Serve Him.  So that when they got to the promised land they wouldn't forget God.

I thought they wandered around because of the grumbling, complaining, sinning within the people.  And then this statement jumped out at me and I tell you God spoke to me.

I am in the wilderness.  I did hear God correctly about quitting the full time job and getting closer to home.  However, God is developing me in this wilderness moment.  It is in this place that God will develop my walk, faith, trust, and relationship with Him.

I seriously ask for prayers.  I am coveting your prayers.  I know that in this wilderness time as God is developing me, that the enemy is upset.  He knows how powerful getting serious about God is.  When people of God get serious about getting right with God, the enemy comes out with all he has.  He will seek ways to disrupt and distract me from getting serious about God.  I go into this with the expectation that the enemy will come, but I'm also praying that he will not be successful with his schemes.  Please cover me and my children in prayer, that the wiles of the enemy will be thwarted.

One More Day

I can't believe the time is so near.  Two days from today, my mother would have turned 69 years old and in honor of her, I am opening my Etsy shop on her birthday.  This is very exciting and sad all at the same time.  How I desperately wish she could have been here to see and hear about this adventure I'm embarking upon.  This year has been full of stepping out on faith for me and I just wish I could share it with her.

Sooooooooo, the next few days and weeks will be a bit hectic, I'm sure.  Tomorrow I will be selecting a winner for my giveaway.  This item will make a perfect gift for one of your expecting friends or a great addition to your baby items.  

I have completely enjoyed making the items I will list tomorrow.  I've prayed over each item and the person that will receive them as I've sewn them.  I pray they will be a blessing to all.  

Get READY, Get SET, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ;-)

Tomorrow...

I can't believe tomorrow will be the first of October.  This year has flown by.  I'm not eager for December at all this year.  Honestly, I'm dreading it.
At any rate, with the days flying by so quickly, so are the days speedily approaching that I will be opening my shop!  Eeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkk  I'm not sure what I was thinking!!!

Have you ever though you'd do something and then as the time came near wondered if you were insane? LOL
That's me right now, but I'm going to forge ahead and do the best I can and know that ultimately it's in God's hands.  I'm dreaming big that one day this will be my sole resource of providing for my family and then myself when my children are no longer in my home.  I do know that God is able and He can do things beyond my wildest imagination.

Do you have a dream so big that only God can make it happen?

Single Mommas

Did you know that many of us did not choose nor want to be in the category of "single momma"?  I know it's not what I envisioned, hoped for, or dreamed of.  Nevertheless, here I am.

In the last few weeks I've had to deal with my feelings and emotions head on.  I've faced anger AGAIN!  I've faced loneliness, sadness, despair, and yes major depression.  I began to think...if my husband were here at least I would have someone to go through this with me.  Things may still look bleak, but I wouldn't be going it alone.
Well, you know it wasn't long before God spoke to my heart.  I'm not alone.  He's been with me the whole time.  I tried to argue that point and say I would like to have someone tangible.  He lead me to look out at His creation.  He is here and He is with me. I may not feel His arms wrapped around me, but He gently allows me to climb in His lap and rest my head against His chest.  I am safe and no matter what happens, He is with us.

THEN to top it all off, we are learning some of the names of God.  3 weeks ago we learned that His name is Elohim.  He is the creator of ALL things.  He is the only one that can make something from nothing.  He needs no substance to create something from.  And because He is the creator of the universe He makes all things perfect.  Then I learned 2 weeks ago that His name is Jehovah.  Now I already knew His name was Jehovah and I've even used Jehovah with the addition of Jireh and Nissi as well as many more.  Jehovah means the Self Revealing One.  He needs no one to reveal His glory, He does it all by Himself.  This would explain verse Exodus 3:14, I AM WHO I AM.
Oh but then this past Sunday we learned He is Adonai....owner of ALL things.  I can't tell you how that hit me like a ton of bricks as I sat there thinking "yeah I've given Him ownership of my life" and He gently nudged me and said "No, you've not given me ownership of everything".  OUCH
Seriously?  And then He began to poor things out like a flood and I could only sit there and agree.  I realized and agreed that He was right.  I had not given Him ownership of everything and then some things I had given Him ownership of, I had taken back...like I could do better than Him.  Oh sweet Jesus, forgive me.  So over the last few days I've been relinquishing things to Him that He owns anyway.  I can't explain the relief that is flooding in.  You see when He is the owner, He is responsible for it.  I don't have to carry that burden.  It was never my burden to carry to begin with.  That makes me look at Matthew 11:28-30 in a whole new light.  Just beautiful!!!!

I'm learning to trust Him in All things.  This journey of Walking out in Faith was more necessary for me than I first thought.

Sorry to ramble, I'm just full with His love.  And to top it off, I think I spoke about several different subjects in this post. HA HA

At any rate, please check out Gleaning The Harvest and if God lays it on your heart, bless a family.  Us single momma's really do have it hard.

Oh and a prayer request...my son's not feeling well.  Don't know if it's his allergies or a cold due to the seasons changing.  Thanks & blessings!!!

Going Through the Fire

Today, God spoke a word to me.  I'm going through a tough financial time right now.  My last paycheck at my former job should have been enough to pay all my bills for the month of September.  However, when I opened the envelope on Friday, the check was for a whopping $1.56!!!  Immediately I began to panic and I went into a deep depression quickly.  I have over $1500 in bills + food/gas for the month of September and no money until October.  I seriously don't know what I will do......

During service each Sunday morning, we partake of communion.  We have the opportunity to bow in prayer, worship, go to the alter, kneel at our seat; it's your time with the Lord how best you see fit.  Sometimes I kneel, sometimes I bow, sometimes I'm completely in worship, it varies.  Today, I was impressed by the Lord to kneel.  My time began as crying out to God and I began seeking forgiveness of sins, but it quickly went to the whoa is me pity party.  Suddenly the Lord said...Why are you so downcast?  I have given you exactly what you asked for.  Immediately I stopped praying and just continued to kneel.  He said you wanted to be closer to me.  You asked for a new heart.  You asked to be changed from the inside out.  You said you wanted to be more like Me.  You said you wanted My light to shine in and through you.  You asked for these things and then when I begin to give them to you, you cry out in dispare and fear.  It is through the tough times that I refine you as you seek Me and learn to trust me and walk with me through the situations.  I am with you always, but it's in the valleys that I am closest to you.  I know your entire life from beginning to end.  I know everything there is to know about you, these things are no shock to me, only to you.  These things are just the sketches of the big picture of your life that I have already orchestrated.  This is where you decrease so that I may increase.
Tears began to stream down my face more quickly.  YES, I did pray for this.  I just had no idea how things would play out when I asked for it.  We sometimes pray for things and we have these ideas and notions about how things will work out and of course we see things that are pretty much rosey.  I saw this awesome and amazing walk with the Lord and it WILL be just that, but in the meantime, I have to go through the fires and waters (Isaiah 43:2).
May I say I am afraid, I've been honest with God and He knows my fears even if I never spoke it.  I don't know how things will pan out for this month nor next, but I know that God made promises to me as well as to all believers.  He will never leave me.  He will provide for my needs.  He is with me.  He loves me.  He cares for my needs more than any other person on this earth.



I've admired the faith of George Mueller since I read about him to the children almost 5 1/2 years ago.  I've even had times where God instructed me to keep my mouth closed and only pray to Him about our needs.  He honored those prayers and answered every one of them and then some that were never even spoken.  So begins my stretching, reshaping, and pouring my heart out to Him.  

If He loved me enough to die for my sins before I was ever born and committed a single one, won't He and doesn't He love me enough to see to the needs I have in my life?

First Full Week of Driving

The last two weeks have been pretty busy for me.  About 4 weeks ago I obtained my CDL permit.  I then had to prepare for the driving test.  Practically every day last week I went to take the driving test and every time I was turned away.  They only take so many people each day for road tests because there are only 2 people in the office at that location.  We could go to other locations, but they were just as bad.  Sigh......
I finally decided I was going to go on Monday at 7, an hour before they opened, and just wait.  Someone would bring the bus to me for the test.
Well, the lady starts off explaining what she will be looking for during the test and that I could miss a total of 30 points.  At the end of the test, she informed me that I had missed 14 points and had passed the test.
RELIEF!!!!  I was so totally nervous about the air brake test.  I practiced and practiced and practiced until I was sick of talking about that mess.  And then when I did it I passed it with flying colors!!!!  All praises to Jesus.

Then I get back to the school on Monday afternoon and I'm informed that I will be driving the bus and the former driver will just ride to make sure I get to the stops correctly.  I went to bed early Monday night so I could be ready bright and early Tuesday morning.  GUESS WHAT????  I overslept!!!  Can you believe it?  They won't let me live it down and so my new nickname at the bus barn is sleepy.
I did do the afternoon route and Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday I did the morning and afternoon route.
Wednesday I get to the bus barn to discover that another driver has need of my bus and I have to take a spare bus.  It's not one of the short buses either, it's one of the long ones.  I'm then informed that Thursday I have to take the long, spare bus as well because my bus has a fuel leak.  I gladly leave it right there and take the spare bus.
The thing about my bus is that it's not a very smooth ride.  It actually feels like there are transmission issues.  You have to floor the gas pedal and it goes rather slowly for about 1-3 miles and then wham it leaps into what I call overdrive.  I love my route and the kids on the route, but I sure hate the bus.  I'm told I should get a new bus some time this month.  I'm pretty excited about that!!!

So overall, my first full week of driving the school bus as an official school bus driver has been fun, refreshing, and relaxing.  I'm so glad I made the switch in jobs when I did...actually, I wish I had done it sooner.

2nd Jobs

I'm driving the school bus now and making plans to open my Etsy shop in October.  In the meantime, I need a second source of income to help pay the bills.  I've worked two jobs before so it's nothing new, but this time I've chosen not to work for anyone but myself for this second income.  If I have to get a second job, I will.
I'm cleaning houses.  I had a house Wednesday, yesterday, one today.  It's taking me a bit to get used to this new schedule and routine, but I'm happy to be in the place I'm in.
Trusting God and His provision for my family!

His Amazing Love & Provision

How does one trust that God will do what He said He will do?

Believe and Have Faith!!!

I know that sounds so simple, but seriously that's all it boils down to.  I have my moments where my faith is shaky.  I have my moments of doubting.  I am now on the ride of my life of absolute and total faith.  I'm working a job that now pays even less than half of what I once made, I'll be opening my Etsy shop soon and selling handmade baby items and I'm on the hunt for several homes to clean so that I can at least pay the bills.
I'm not worried about things, I am prayerful.  I am learning how to trust my God to supply all our needs just as He promised.  Though these are my plans, I'm flexible enough now to change them or have them be changed however or whenever God so chooses.

Well, today was a day of that provision.  I have now gained one client to clean her home every other week.  Does that put a dent in the income needs?  No, but it is definitely a start.

We do often fret over the things that need to be done and taken care of.  We often say God will provide.  But we are most often trying to figure things out on our own.  Yes, I am guilty.  I get out my pen and paper, writing down lists of what ifs, and more often than not, none of my plans materialize and I have to resort to praying and asking God to provide anyway.  So I'm maturing spiritually though I've been a Christian for over 10 years.  I'm just getting to the point that I can honestly say I trust God completely.  I've had my moments of trusting Him but never as completely as I am in this stage of the game.

I will admit that my need to know is lessening more and more.  The more I'm just living a simple life and learning to truly live one day at a time (moment by moment), the more I really don't need to know everything.  I don't need to know what God is going to do nor how He's going to do it.  My provision will be totally different from your provision.  Yet what doesn't change is that God is still the provider.

As I was on the bus today, I thought about the acronym I've seen before... K I S S; Keep it Simple Stupid.  If we would do just that and keep life as simple as possible, slow things down a bit, not be in everyone's business, not have the need to know everything going on in the world and around us, not have the need for something to be going on at every moment, and just let God be God and deal with the major and the minor things in our lives, we really could just be like the Israelites in the wilderness and trust God to provide all our needs.

Totally Amazed

Our Lord's Day was a totally awesome day.  It was simplistic and yet perfect all at the same time.  Church was right on point as Voddie Baucham preached a message on Joseph that had us all looking at that story in an entirely different way  No longer will I picture myself as Joseph again but as Judah.
Then we had dinner at my brother-in-loves grandmother's home.  Delicious!  And she made an apple pie especially for Ari's birthday.
We followed all of that up with a family birthday gathering for Ari at my sister's home, which also included my 80 yr old aunt.  We also started a new tradition....sharing words of adoration for the birthday person.  It was a sweet, blessed time to share what we love and like so much about Ari.  There were tears of joy, but so much laughter as well.
I love my family and appreciate them.  I'm grateful to the Lord for placing me in this family.  I didn't always feel that way, but I've matured some and I know God didn't make a mistake.

Praise Be To God for a most glorious day in the Lord.

Everyone Else is Coming Out the Closet....Are You???

I wonder what thought crossed your mind when you read that title.  It seems that there used to be a day when people were ashamed of openly sinning.  They kept things quiet or in the closet.  If you didn't believe in God you just kept it to yourself.  If you felt like you had sexual attractions outside of what God ordained, you didn't tell anyone.  If you had an abortion, not a soul knew.  And on and on it went.  Yet today, people are crawling out of the wood works to say not only I'm black and I'm proud, but I'm gay, a lesbian, bisexual, sadist, etc., etc.  And all the while society is pushing Christians deeper into a corner and one day will close the closet door on us.
Since when do we zip our lips and keep quiet because we don't want to offend anyone?  Who's thinking about offending us?  "They" don't seem to care how they offend us!  We can stand up proud and express who we are in truth and in love.  We don't have to force anyone to believe in the God we serve.
In Matthew 10:33, Jesus said "But whoever denies Me before men, I will also deny him before My Father who is in heaven.
How sad it is that we as a nation have gotten to the point that we coward behind closed doors and not speak truth.  When you're around a group of people telling jokes that are degrading, do you laugh right along.  Do you sit among those who are struggling in various sins and never profess your faith in God or share truth?  Do you think your light will shine without ever opening your mouth?   
Please let me share a true story with you.  One day while walking with one of my co-workers she turned to me and said, if you didn't know me, would you know that I am a Christian.  I stopped in my tracks and just looked at her bewildered.  I said I do know you and now I have a question for you...Are You a Christian?  She looked at me crazy.  She said, "I know you're a Christian."
She stated she was and I told her I had no clue she was.  I had never once heard her talk about God, the Bible, or anything of the like.  She began to cry and I could understand her anguish.
We can't think that just because we behave like a Christian or nice person and do nice things, that it makes a statement about WHO we really are.  We don't have to be overbearing.  We don't have to shove Christ down anyone's throat, but we do have to profess our faith in Christ.
So I dare ya...if you ever played truth or dare as a kid, you know how the game goes.  I double dog dare ya to lift His name up in praise while speaking to someone.  Don't be ashamed of the Gospel!  I'd hate for you to stand before Him one day and He tell you "Depart from me, I never knew you".


I'm out the closet.  Are you?

I did it!

I gave my notice today.  It is official, my last day at my current job is Aug. 6.  I'm working that extra week because I've taken off a week this month and won't get paid for it so I'm trying to make up for it.

I'm excited and ready, stepping out on faith and trusting that He who holds tomorrow also holds me.  I know He said HE would supply ALL our needs and I am believing Him for just that!!!!!

What a wonderful ride and journey to be on with Christ.w

Black Bean Burgers.....and

 Last night we had black bean burgers.  We got the recipe from hallelujah acres and because I was so exhausted from being up 20 something hours straight (that's a whole different post), my children prepared dinner.  

I love how they worked together and dinner was done in no time.  This is the beginning of our quest to eat more vegan foods.  We will actually eat about 90%-95% raw.  I want so much to give our bodies a much needed break and to rejuvenate our natural healing abilities.  You know, clear out some of the hormones and chemicals from the foods we eat.  So we will have meat, but not more than once or twice a week.  Our meals will consist of raw fruits and veggies.  We will have meat on Sunday and maybe one other night...  When we do have meat again, we will eat organic grass fed or free range.  I figured if we are only having it one or two nights I could splurge on this expense.  Hopefully after several months when we do pick up eating meat again, we will be eating our very own homegrown lamb and chicken.  And now that I've tasted a dear friends grass fed beef, I'm looking into purchasing a cow or two (again that's another post).  

Back to those delicious burgers...they were delicious.  I am not a huge bean fan, but I suppose that's because I've HAD to eat so many in my life.  However, with the seasonings and all the things you put on a regular burger, I really could not tell that it was a meatless burger.  We used the indoor grill and they turned out perfect.  They were such a hit, we will have them again tonight but we'll try them on the outdoor grill.  I'll add an addendum to the end of this post to let you know how that turned out.  

I've been reading up all I can on a more raw diet.  My garden didn't fair so well this spring so I'll be buying a lot of our food.  I'm looking forward to a fall garden so that will help to cut down on our grocery budget as well. 

Why raw you ask?  Well, I guess it began when I watched Food Inc. and then later a report that was done years ago by Peter Jennings called How To Get Fat Without Really Trying.  After watching each of these, I began to really pray and ask for direction.  What was I supposed to do now that I had been injected with this information.  It's like reading the Bible, once you read His instructions, then you are required to do something with it!  
But seriously, could this be the reason my immune system seems to be at it's lowest in the past year than it has ever been since I was 10 years old?  I mean in just the last 10 months I've had the flu 3 times.  Is there something more I could do?  
And though I've had a desire for the last 10 years to live more off the land, I'm still buying more than I desire when it comes to our food.  

It happened about 2 weeks ago as I was driving to work to begin exploring different eating styles.  And the one that I kept coming to is the raw lifestyle.  Now I know we have the ability and freedom to eat meat, however, I believe that was meant for when meat was in it's natural state.  Meaning, cows were never meant to eat corn and yet in the food industry, that is exactly what cows are fed.  Cows weren't meant to eat other cows either and yet in some of the food products they eat there is ground up cow pieces.  On that same token though, we weren't meant to consume High Fructose Corn Syrup either and yet, that is in 95%-99% of all products we buy from the stores unless it's fruits and veggies.  And then we have pesticides on the fruits and veggies.  And THEN we have hormones and antibiotics pumped into our meats.
So with all this information and sincere prayer, I have felt led that this is what's best for my family at this time and as we complete the process of ridding ourselves of these poisons, we can then introduce our bodies to some of the healthier things to eat.  
WHEWWWWWWWWWWW, that means my grocery budget is going to be going through some transitioning as well until I have grown all that I can grow or buy from other local farmers.  

A single income family such as mine can begin to get a bit shacky when I realize that I don't have money growing on the trees in my backyard and so this could get a bit expensive.  However, I am trusting that since I've asked God and He has directed me down this path, that He will also make provisions for me to obtain these foods.  Wouldn't it be neat to have a local food swap with several families involved all growing something different and then swapping for other things someone else is growing?????  Hmmmm, that sounds like something else to pray about!!!  

So out of that review of the Black Bean Burgers, I took you to class and gave you an explanation as to why we are making these changes....Just food for thought! ;-)