I just read someone else's blog and they were speaking of the promises that God has given, how they can't be taken from you because of disobedience, but they can be delayed. Then I was reading another family's blog and they have 4 children, one newly adopted (16 year old girl). Their journey is going well. Then I am on the phone with a lady trying to get medical information and she tells me they just recently adopted a baby boy. They got him when he was 10 days old and his adoption just became final.
My heart is so filled with joy for them and then................I wonder. Lord when will I receive the promises you gave me so long ago? Sigh...Then to top it off, I'm listening to a song by Vicki Yohe called In The Waiting:
Pain
The gift nobody
Longs still it comes
Somehow leaves me
Stronger when it's gone away
Pray I try and pray
For your will to be done
But I confess it's never
Fast enough for me
It seems the hardest part
Is waiting on you
When what I want
Is just to see your hand move
I want a peace beyond my
Understanding I wasn't to feel
It fall like rain
In the middle of my hurting
I want to feel your arms as they
Surround me
And let me know that it's okay
To be in this place
Resting in the peace that only comes
In the waiting
Time, time to let it go and just believe
Trusting in what no one else
But you can see
Free freedom from the fears that
Close me in when I can't beyond where
I have been but then Again the silence
Doesn't mean that I'm alone
As long as I can hear
That I'm still your own
I don't always understand the time spent waiting. Or rather I understand it, I just don't like it or always want it. I so desperately want to have my family whole and be a full time mommy again. I want to birth children from my womb once again and adopt those that aren't wanted by the ones that birthed them. I want to be what I was called to be...A MOM! I want to raise up mighty warriors for His Kingdom and know that they are doing much for His Glory!
Have you ever wanted something so bad you could taste it? You could almost touch it, the vision of it was so clear? Yet, it is out of reach to you and you wonder why Lord why? And you hear Him saying wait child wait. I promised it to you long ago, but you must wait until My timing, for it is perfect.
Oh how Sarai and Abram must have felt when they were growing older and older and they still had a heart and desire for children, but there were none. I have children and yet I know her emptiness. How discouraged they must have felt. Then God gives a promise that is humanly impossible. But God! and in the time of waiting, they make mistakes. That mistake didn't forfeit the promise, but what if that delayed it. Then, when all hope must have been lost, God opened her womb and gave her a son. A son!
I know God promised me a home filled with children. I clearly saw children of many races and colors, it's the waiting that gets me discouraged at times.
On that note, If the Lord says the same, I will have my tubes untied by the spring of 2009. He may choose to never allow me to bring forth children from my own womb, but I will be very close to the way He created me to begin with and many health issues will be reversed.
Whatever dream He gave you, don't let go and don't give up. He will make it a reality...in HIS timing!
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