Intense Attacks

The last 5 days have been days of attack from the enemy and me countless times throwing in the towel.  I've been cursed at more times in the last few days than I care to recall, lied to continuously, and mocked behind my back.
The load got too heavy for me to bear and the enemy began to whisper in my ear.  I became too weak to fight and so I began to sink.  However, there were moments I could hear the voice of the Lord calling me and yet it was so mottled, I could barely decipher what He was saying.  I couldn't pick up the Word, just quote a few scriptures in my distress.  This morning, I know He was calling my name.
My thoughts have been why such the harsh attack?  What was I doing differently that prompted the enemy to stop at nothing to hit me square in the gut?  I was daily reading from my Promises book and I had begun to believe His promises once again and stand on them.  I was once again praying and fasting and WHAM!!!!! Out of no where He hit.
The enemy doesn't mind you saying you are a Christian, he doesn't mind you reading the scriptures and listening to Christian radio and teachings.  He does want to stop you from believing and standing on the Word of the Lord.  If he can keep you blinded with just a little lie (did God really say???) then he doesn't have to worry about you doing any damage to his worldly kingdom.
I know there will be more and I know things will get dull sounding around me again and I won't be able to decipher what the Lord is saying, but I do know He is calling my name.  He is not leaving me to the wiles and schemes of the enemy.  One day the pounding, tumultuous attacks from the enemy will become dull and I will not only be able to hear my Lord, but also decipher what He is saying.
Today I will pick up the Word and read.  It may only be a few scriptures as I get my bearings together, but I WILL read.  Most of my time will be spent in prayer as I realign my focus on His promises and hold fast to them.

Update

Today I send my laptop back to Apple for repairs.  My hard drive seems to have a glitch with the CD/DVD mechanism.  I hate to see her go, but I know that it is necessary and I also know this will be a time of limited distractions and I can focus on the Lord more and get into a better routine of life.
I do plan to use this time to work out a schedule of sorts.  I know I still spend way more time online than I should, so I'll be working on that.  Not to mention the several projects I'm working on for the arrival of my niece and the 12 quilts I need to get started with for my sweet friend and her family.

Please continue to pray as I am still seeking employment and our funds have completely run out now.  I know God is able and the things he has done have blown my mind.  The things He will do, will be no different.  He will definitely be glorified and lifted up!!!!!

Hopefully when I get my laptop back I'll have pictures of my projects to share!!!

ADDENDUM:  I have since discovered one of the reasons I'm not getting call backs for jobs is I have been blacklisted by a former employer.  Please join with me in praying for their hearts.  This supervisor was very angry and bitter towards me during my time of employment.  Also not a believer.

Kung Pao Tofu

Who knew!!!  Last night I made a huge pot of Kung Pao Tofu.  Now my children and I love to eat foods from all across the globe.  There are but a few things we say no thank you to.  On this quest I've been searching for foods we could eat and still enjoy, this recipe was no disappointment what so ever.  It tasted way better than the stuff we've gotten in restaurants.
I took a picture of the finished product and sent it to my pregnant sister.  About 10 minutes later she was knocking on my door for a sample.  However, she took home a plate.  She told me today that she dreamed about that meal twice!!!  It was really that good.
So this is definitely a keeper in our new recipe book.

If you give it a try, let me know what you think.

This Walk

I'm learning and re-learning day by day that this walk with Christ is a daily surrendering and trust thing.  You can't simply say one day I trust God, I am a follower of Christ, I believe.  This is a daily dying to self and surrendering your will for His.  He is ever stretching me and growing me in areas that are just plain hard.

I can see Him at work in my life and heart, but there are seriously times I want to say ok God, enough.  Times when you think surely there can't be much else that God can pull from me or pull out of me, and then....another trial, another opportunity to grow in Christ, another time of stretching in faith and trust.

Not easy, but so worth it in the end.  I want to ask God to fix things and let me have a reprieve and THEN allow me to come back into the scheme of things.  However, He is asking me "Will you trust Me"?  To which I can either say no and forfeit oh so much OR I can say yes and He blesses my socks off with growth and fellowship with Him.  When I look at it from that perspective, I say YES....un-ashamedly and WITHOUT reservation!

My God is greater!  My God is stronger!  He is higher than any other!  He is healer!  Awesome in Power.....MY GOD!!!!  If my God is for me than who can ever stop me or come against me????

It's boiling down to will I believe and trust His word?  Will I stand on His promises?  He has said He is not a man that He should lie.  Do I believe Him?

There is no one else I can trust or believe beyond a shadow of doubt.  No one BUT God, even when things look ugly and I don't have the answers I'm searching for.  God is All I have and All I need.  He's showing me daily my need for a Savior.

God Bless

Re-Learning How to Cook and Eat

It seems like it's been a very long time since I've blogged.  I have been busy as we all have new schedules we are getting used to, I'm also taking a Website Design class, so there is studying and class projects that I am doing.  I haven't even had time for sewing or reading any of the blogs I enjoy following.
What does all that have to do with the title of this post?  Nothing! ;-)
Just thought I'd update what's been going on in my world.

I am taking much smaller baby steps than I anticipated into the vegan lifestyle.  I played around with a few recipes last month and completely enjoyed them, and I've now gotten my Engine 2 Diet book that helps the transition as well over a period of 4 weeks.

Tonight I decided to try another recipe.  Scrambled Tofu.  I NEVER thought I would eat tofu and while I don't plan to eat a lot of it, I do want to be able to enjoy it every now and again.  First off, let me say that it looked just like real scrambled eggs.  I could not get over that!!!!  Then after seasoning them as the recipe instructed, they tasted just like real scrambled eggs.  I remember right before my first bite, I prayed.  Lord, please let this taste like something I'll eat, otherwise, this transition may be a bit difficult for me.  And then I took a bite and began to grin from ear to ear.  It was fantabulous!!!!!  I ate it with some millet and a couple of slices of toast with a little agave drizzled on them.  D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S is about all I can say.  Most likely for the remainder of February I will continue with baby steps in the right direction and plunge in head and/or feet first the beginning of March.  I need time to read the book and a couple of other books, make up my menus and grocery list and get some shopping done before I can jump right in.  I'm excited!!!!!  I only wish I had the finances to get a blood test to know where my cholesterol and such stand before I start.  Maybe God will provide that.....

I can say at this point, my only challenge looks like it will be re-learning how to eat.  When you are raised to cook foods a certain way that actually wipes out most, if not all, of it's nutritional value, and then you try to do it a different way, there's going to be a bit of a learning curve.  I'm determined to give it a go though.  I'll keep you posted how it comes along and may even share a few of the recipes with you!

OK, back to some more reading.  God Bless!!!!

My Beloved Aunt

My mother’s last living sibling lives across the street from us.  She is on hospice care as she has cancer throughout her body, parkinsons, and now fluid around her heart.  There are times when I get to sit and care for her until her son arrives to care for her.

She has stated she doesn’t have much longer to live...she’s actually made it much longer than the doctor’s ever thought she would. 

Following is an account of the latest visit I had with her.  I’m posting it to have a record of it for when she goes HOME.

Sitting with Mama Dear has been the highlight of the beginning of my fast.  She was a delight and joy.  I could see that she was getting tired, but each time I left her to rest, she’d call me back in her room.  She was definitely restless.  She finally asked me to sit with her and hold her hand.  At first I was a bit put off.  I had the grand idea that sitting in front of the fireplace would be an awesome place to sit while I had my prayer/quiet time.  However that attitude only lasted a moment because my next immediate thought was what if this is the last thing she gets to ask of me (her being in her right mind are rare moments)?

I asked her if she would mind me getting my Bible and her face lit up.  As I sat down, I asked her if there was anything she would like to hear.  She said the 37th Psalms.  I read it and she smiled.  I read a few others and she relaxed and closed her eyes.  She was not yet asleep though and after about 15 min., she opened her eyes again with a look of peace and serenity.  She asked me to read the 25th Psalm and I did, as well as the 23rd, 24th, 26th, and 33rd.  Then she was ready to sleep.  It was nice to look up occasionally and see her listening intently with a smile on her face.

Mama Dear has always been extra special to me.  One of my most favored aunts.  We used to write to each other when I was in high school and every letter she sent me she always gave me godly wisdom.  My regret is that I can’t find any of those letters.  At any rate, the memories I have of her and the time God has allowed her to be a part of my life are priceless!!!!

Fast

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged.  I can’t say if I’ve really missed it or not.  I’ve been enjoying spending more time with God and trying to get used to the new changes within my household.  

The next several posts for the next few days will be a compilation of the things that have happened over the last few weeks.  

Now, where to begin?  Each year our church holds a Solemn Assembly.  This is the church taking the first week of the new year and dedicating it to the Lord through fasting and praying as a church body as well as families and individuals. 

The week before that, I knew we were getting ready to go into this consecrated time and I had begun to pray and ask God how He wanted me to approach this time of fasting and praying.  I knew in my heart that I wanted to hear from the Lord and I wanted this time to be different.  Immediately God impressed upon my heart to do a full fast and to fast from the internet as well.  And I knew this was a fast that God had chosen.  Isaiah 58:5-12

When we arrived at church that Sunday, the Pastor gave different instructions; to fast from ONE meal of our choosing and from ONE other thing that consumes a lot of our time.  Sounded like what I was going to do anyway, except the meal part.  I sat there and prayed, “Lord they are only fasting from one meal...I could just follow them.”  He instructed me to obey the fast He had chosen and I knew in my heart that was what I needed and had to do.  I knew with expectancy that God was going to speak to me through this fast.

This was NOT a fast where He spoke to me, but a fast in which HE broke the chains of depression and suicide from me.  I can only recall 2 other fasts in the last 5 years in which the Lord spoke to me or broke some bondage from my life.  2011 was a great year of testing and tempting from the enemy for me.  Many times there was a weight and spirit of depression/suicide upon me.  Not many know the depths within which I fought to keep from taking my life.  There were times I could only lay in my bed and cry out the name of Jesus.  I couldn’t read, couldn’t sing, couldn’t pray....I could only call out the name Jesus and beg for Him to save me.  I knew in my limited frame of understanding that if I were to come through that time, it would only be because of Jesus and nothing that I had done in my own works.  And sure enough, He did bring me through but in the first week of 2012, He broke the bondage from me.  

I knew the moment it broke from my life.  I awoke on that Tuesday with a smile on my face and knew a lightness in my heart that I had not felt in over a year.  I knew the season of the deep valley of the shadow of death was over and the joy of the Lord was upon me.  

I actually went through the rest of the fast without a desire for food.  My sister and I talked about various recipes and she continually apologized for “tempting” me, but not once was I even yearning for food.  The only difference this time is that my children are much older than the first time I ever fasted, so I never had to cook meals.  They took care of the meals themselves.  

The following Sunday, I was able to give an amazing testimony to several people about the goodness of the Lord and what He had accomplished during the fast He had chosen.  He also gave me a new heart and desire for my marriage.  I prayed at the end of the fast that God would continue to call me to a fast of His choosing throughout this year.  

Isaiah 55:6 Seek the Lord while He may be found; Call upon Him while He is near.

Isaiah 55:8-11 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways, “declares the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.  “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return there without watering the earth and making it bear and sprout, and furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater; So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; It will not return to Me empty without accomplishing what I desire and without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.