Psalms 40:1 - I waited patiently on the Lord and He inclined to me and heard my cry.
Over the last week I've fretted in my mind/heart. I've learned some ugly things about my estranged husband that have literally cut me to the core. Things I "knew", but was able to push the truth of reality far from my mind. But when finally faced with the "reality" of it, it became a hurt so deep and real all over again, as it did when he first left.
So I've played these thoughts and scenarios over in my head, thoughts that have brought torture and torment to my mind; the kind that turn your stomach and make you want to puke. The kind that keep you from sleeping.
But as I sat in the car preparing to go into the office, I began to re-read some things I had previously written in my journal. Several were scriptures: Ps. 25:4-5, 27:11, 86:11, 43:3, 5:8, 31:3, 23:3, 40:1.
Ps. 40:1 leaped out to me and in the midst of my tears, it was as thought I could hear God saying "I hear you".
Ever had a peace envelope you so completely? At that point the tears still flowed, but my words were "I know You hear me" & "Thank You that You hear me".
God loves me with a love that is unfathomable and untouchable by another human heart.
I don't have to ask, beg, or plead for His love. He already does. Then with that you get to a point where you realize that He understand your pain. He know all about it & His Son felt it.
Rejection from a person is a HARD pill to swallow, but when you are finally at a place to put it in perspective...God's rejection of you would be far worse. And then not in a cocky, prideful sense, you realize...I'm going to be okay. The hurt will heal even if a scare were to remain. this too shall pass & I will never be the same. I am complete in, with, and through Jesus. It may take a while to renew my mind to fully grasp and understand that fact, but it does not change the fact that it is true!
If my husband never returns to our marriage & even if he does, there is NO love that can come close to the love my Father has for me. His love and acceptance is far better and more than I can ever dream or imagine.