You Cannot Change...

What you are not willing to face.  I sat thinking about this statement Iyanla Vanzant made on twitter the other day.  I pondered it and then forgot about it and as the darkness of night came, the thought of that statement crossed my mind again.  And I began to truly face the fact that my marriage is indeed over.  I spent my 6th out of 7 Christmas' with just the kids and I'm happy. 

I have so many thoughts about what it is I want to accomplish and do in the remaining time of my life.  I have big dreams and hopes.  And I've got a God that's bigger than all that.  He's going to bring me through this and one day I'll look back and be amazed at all He's brought me through.

God is going to get the glory out of my story!!!!



Christmas 2012!!!

We have no tree, no gifts, but we had a wonderful day!
 Take a look at what I did...

I had a ton of fun in front of the camera today!!!  Never would have said that before, but man I had a blast!  I'll be doing that more often.



Christmas Eve...

For the last few years we have exchanged Christmas gifts in February after I've gotten income tax back.  However, I'm totally excited that this will be the last year that we HAVE to do it this way.  I've been in such a rut the last few years that I've not wanted to decorate festively either.  All of our things are packed away this year and it's a bit difficult to access the Christmas decorations.

I'm so excited to say that if the Lord says the same, we will not have Christmas like this again.  I will decorate like we used to when I was little.  Lights everywhere and the Christmas village I had begun to collect. 

I'm just ready to live!!!



I Want To Live...

2012 Wasn't as good to me or for me as I had hoped.  It started off well and then things just began to go downhill.  I can't tell you how many times I threw in the towel and asked God to just take me.  Not that I wanted to die, just that I wanted the pain to stop.  Well, there is still a lot of pain, but as I think over all the things I'd like to do and accomplish in this life, I realize that I REALLY want to live.  I'm not ready to die, there is soooo much I want to do.   

 I've spent the last 7 1/2 years holding on to pain and hurt and heart ache.  But I'm ready to let that go and move forward.  I've had a failed marriage, but I don't want to give up on love.  I've hit rock bottom financially and basically in every area of my life.  I think God had to allow that so He could get my attention.  I'm beginning to dream again and hope again.  I'm beginning to live again!!

I've been looking out for everyone else these last few years.  It's time to do some living for me.  Not to neglect others, but to in fact take care of me.  If I spend all my time taking care of others and do nothing for myself, I quickly burn out until there is nothing left of me.  While I believe God wants us to be servants to others, I also believe (now) that He wants us to care for ourselves as well. 

So for a change I am actually looking forward to the new year.  I'm anticipating great things and new beginnings.  I'm looking forward to getting on my feet and making the rest of my life all that God intended it to be.  I've taken life for granted.  I don't want to get to heaven and see all that I could have had and all that I could have done and gave up because of the trials and tribulations that took place in my life. 

Yes I have hurt, yes I am hurting, but I want to move past those hurts and heal and I want to help others to heal as well.  I want to smile, laugh, dance, dress up, take pictures, and embrace life far beyond all that I can imagine or think!  Life is a gift I've taken for granted for far too long.  I'm truly ready to live!!!!!!



It's hard to believe 2013 is just around the corner. 

In 2012 I have tried to restart this blog several times only to come right back to this one.  Ha, I just tried it a month or so ago, however, I realized this blog has just way too much history to walk away from.  So, I'm sticking with this blog and I'll just let it evolve into whatever God wants it to be.

I'm soon going to be going through a divorce, not by choice.  I'm learning to embrace it for lack of a better word.  I'm also stepping outside my box that I encased myself into over the past 7 1/2 years.  I'll be sharing more photos of me, videos, and whatever else God leads me to share.

I'm pretty excited as I embark on this new life God is laying out before me.  Will it all be easy? No, but I'm ready to move forward with my life and get out of the past.  I want to let go of unforgiveness, regrets, doubts, and grudges. 

In 2013 I want to smile and laugh more and try things I never would have tried (there is a limit to that however...LOL).  So to begin that journey, I'll be posting a video soon.  Anyone that knows me knows I don't like being in front of a still camera, let alone make a video.  Yet, I'm going to do just that and publish it!!! I'm excited and we'll see what happens. 



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