Shattered World

In 2 weeks it will be official. I will be a divorced woman. I know we've been separated for 8 years. I know that we were living single lives all this time. However, I still held out hope. I still believed God would restore our marriage.
Again, through a text message.....NEVER face to face, He said it's over. My heart is broken, my world is shattered and I find myself holding on to God for dear life. Clinging to hope in Christ that He will heal me and make me whole.
I will never go down this path again. My heart has had enough. They either leave or pass away and I'd rather not deal with either one. So I put one foot in front of the other to try to regain my balance, step, and composure.
I never wanted a legacy of divorce. While I know that God has not been the cause of this, I do know that God has allowed it to take place. I cling to Him to not find the answers or understand why, but to just become stronger and wiser through this. One day I will be able to lift my head again and hold it high, knowing that I did all I perceived that God wanted me to do. I will come through the flood and not drown and the fire and not be burned. And there will be beauty for my ashes. One Day....



Life Interuppted...

Has God ever humbled you? Not in a shame on you kinda way, but a gentle, loving, fatherly way? That way that says I've had this all along, now I need you to step back and let me be God? I've got this in control and I actually DO know what's best for you and those in your life.

Well, He never ceases to amaze me. I'm finding my eyes being unveiled and I'm sure there is more to come. I'm reading this book here ........ And in just the first 2 1/2 chapters I'm being touched by the hand of The Lord.

I've been viewing things ALL wrong. Even after listening to Pastor Evans each Sunday say we need to view things from a Kingdom perspective; Life Interrupted is causing, no, making me look at myself in the mirror. To face some truths about myself.

I've balked at what God has asked of me - praying diligently for my coworkers/Joseph. The burdens/pressures of my job. The frightening unknown of future divorced life, singleness, and realizing that I don't truly hold God in high esteem nor do I trust His will and sovereignty.

God's hand has always been in my life, upon my life, in my circumstances. But truth be told I've not looked at His will as perfect and best for my life. I have ALWAYS looked at life and thought in all circumstances and situations that I knew/know best for me and everyone else.

I'm so thankful God is humbling me and beginning to remove the veil from my eyes. May I begin to not only quote Proverbs 3:5-6 and Psalms 37:4, but that I may also live it and walk it out for His glory!



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