4/20/2009

Ever prayed for something and then...

realized afterwards that you made a mistake? Well, that is my latest revelation from the Lord. I'm still on my journey with the Lord and I've been asking LOTS of questions and getting LOTS of answers. Some answers I'm like...Oh or Wow, others, I am literally falling on my knees in tears.

I remember praying for this job I have now. The two part-time jobs I had before were not taxing or overwhelming. I still had time in my day to school my children, spend time with them, cook for them, and do things around the house, as well as partake in some of my hobbies. Then I began to get discontent. I could make more money out there in the real world doing something more meaningful, that would allow me to do more things (financially) with and for my children.

I never once took into account the distance I would be driving (on the road approx. 3 hrs. total, daily) nor did I ever stop to think about the time away from my children. There was only one thought in my mind...more money- more things.

I won't say the income from those 2 part-time jobs was great, but my bills were paid. I won't say there were things we wanted to do but couldn't because there was no extra money. But as I look back I can see I got caught up in what others were telling me, that we were missing out on the good life. I deserved so much more. My children deserved so much more. On and on and on. Sadly, I bought into it all. the lies of the enemy to make you even more discontent. Lies that take you further and further away from God's plan for your life. Now, I was already out of the home because of no choice of my own, but I had to make more money...which would take me even further away from home. UGHHHHHHHHHHHH! LIES & MORE LIES.

Now daily, I go to work, thankful for a resource of income, but dreading it and 95% of the time I'm crying that I even have to come to this place. I miss my children, I miss being closer to home, I miss having to be resourceful to find things to do with my children. We used to go to the library once a week or once every other week. It is now hard to schedule that in my days. Sometimes it's months before we step foot into a library. I miss thrift store shopping (sounds silly but it's true).

Money is nice but it's not EVERYTHING.

When God blesses you with something, He will also bless you with the ability to do it and maintain it. If you're OVER-stressed and OVER-burdened, then possibly what you are doing is not what God intended for you to do. Sadly, I've come to this realization and conclusion.

Well, I don't know how to get out of this one. He gave me exactly what I asked for. I've started by admitting to God that I was wrong and confessing that I realize this was NOT what He had in mind for me. I'll continue to search for jobs closer to home or a legitimate way to make an income from home (without selling make up, jewelry, or legal services, etc.). The difference now is that I am asking God what does He want me to do. Prayerfully He will answer soon and I will hear Him speak and obey.

Please be in prayer with me as well. God bless!

1 comment:

Well Watered Woman said...

I will be in prayer with you sis.

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