This Walk

I'm learning and re-learning day by day that this walk with Christ is a daily surrendering and trust thing.  You can't simply say one day I trust God, I am a follower of Christ, I believe.  This is a daily dying to self and surrendering your will for His.  He is ever stretching me and growing me in areas that are just plain hard.
I can see Him at work in my life and heart, but there are seriously times I want to say ok God, enough.  Times when you think surely there can't be much else that God can pull from me or pull out of me, and then....another trial, another opportunity to grow in Christ, another time of stretching in faith and trust.
Not easy, but so worth it in the end.  I want to ask God to fix things and let me have a reprieve and THEN allow me to come back into the scheme of things.  However, He is asking me "Will you trust Me"?  To which I can either say no and forfeit oh so much OR I can say yes and He blesses my socks off with growth and fellowship with Him.  When I look at it from that perspective, I say YES....un-ashamedly and WITHOUT reservation!
My God is greater!  My God is stronger!  He is higher than any other!  He is healer!  Awesome in Power.....MY GOD!!!!  If my God is for me than who can ever stop me or come against me????
It's boiling down to will I believe and trust His word?  Will I stand on His promises?  He has said He is not a man that He should lie.  Do I believe Him?
There is no one else I can trust or believe beyond a shadow of doubt.  No one BUT God, even when things look ugly and I don't have the answers I'm searching for.  God is All I have and All I need.  He's showing me daily my need for a Savior.
God Bless

A Journey Out of That Pit...

I'd like to invite you into my heart, my life, my journey.  I've described a darkness that I've been in that is so oppressive and dark that my very life seems as though it would be snuffed out and at my own hands at that.

I feel a moment of a glimmer of light and within days, sometimes hours, I can be right back in that pit.  I've long since named it, but naming something doesn't mean you get the full meaning of what it is you've named.  (I know it seems I'm going in circles, but stay with me.)
Just a few days ago, I shared how God allowed me to come up out of the despair of depression and darkness.  I felt victorious, as we all should when God brings us through something.  However, I didn't know that just a day or two later I would plunge head first back into that pit.  It started with a thought and I brushed it off.  Then I got a text message about something one of my kids put on Facebook.  (The enemy KNOWS just what it is that will send you over the edge.  He KNOWS how to push your buttons).  Then I got another message about something I had been praying for regarding one of my daughters and saw things slipping from my grip.  I began to speak doubt to myself.  I began to believe lies and replace them for God's truths.  I sent my kids away to my sisters...they were enjoying a sleep over they thought, while I was sinking in the miry clay.
But God does NOT desire any of us to be defeated.  He sacrificed someone so great to conquer defeat so that we wouldn't be subjected to it.

I don't know about any of you, but when I'm depressed, I don't want to be around anyone.  I don't want to talk to anyone.  I just want to be left alone.  However, God had other plans for me today.  My kids wanted to go to the mall.  Anyone that knows me, knows I absolutely loath the mall.  I can't explain it, but I HATE THE MALL.  I totally dislike shopping, unless it's for sewing stuff or books.  So I dropped them off at the mall for an all day excursion and I went to the library, a Christian book store, and JoAnn's Fabric.  LOL
I absolutely had no money to spare, but went to "window shop".  I looked and looked and looked all around.  Enjoying the sights in Mardel's (the Christian book store).  I read quotes on cups, plates, pictures, t-shirts, I looked at their Christmas items and wandered through the kids section.  I remember walking and looking at the big wall art and reading the scriptures and saying aloud to Lord, I want this freedom that these quotes speak of.  I began crying silent tears in regards to the freedom that evades me, and begging God to help me do something.  I said "I know Your word says I can have life more abundantly, I don't want to wait to get to heaven to have it, that's not what Your word promises.  I don't want to live in hell on earth before I get to enjoy Your glory in heaven.  I want it to manifest here on earth and be magnified in heaven!!!!!
I then went to browse the books.  They have expensive books, but they also have bargain books sometimes for $1, $3, $5, and so forth.  I saw a few things that caught my eye, but knew I didn't have the funds to buy any of them.  So I just grazed the pages of some of them.  Then it happened, my eye caught sight of a book for $8.  I read the title again.  I had heard her do a Bible study on a television show regarding this same book.  I read the title again and immediately snatched up the LAST book and put it in my basket.  I took the $8 from my grocery money to buy this book.
Get Out of That Pit by Beth Moore.
This woman is a phenomenal teacher and so real and down to earth.  I've seen/heard her in person several times and each time I am always riveted in my seat listening to her speak.

I began reading her book and I hardly ever read the acknowledgements or foreword, but tonight I read even that.  Then I began to pray and pour my heart out to God.  Lord, You can use any song, any person, any book to bring me out of this pit.  I just pray You get me out of the pit.  I read chapter 1 and FINALLY I can't put things into some semblance of understanding for MYSELF and not feel like I'm going crazy!!!!  SHE GETS THIS PIT THING!!!!!!!!!!!  It's easy for us to see someone going through something and share what we would do, say, think, etc.  It's a whole different story when someone has walked the road and wore the shoes!

So, on that note, I welcome you on this journey I'm taking.  Don't bash, don't criticize, don't belittle, but PLEASE PRAY!!!  I will share as much as the Lord allows, and I pray someone else gets out of this pit right along side me.  I wish there were several of us reading this together, but maybe this is a journey God has me on by myself...and for good reason.

I'll share what I've learned from chapter 1 in tomorrow's post, but for now, I thank you for allowing me to be blunt and honest!!!  I'm ready to strip off the masks and tell it like it is!

I DON'T want to be an Israelite....

I DON’T want to be an Israelite...

I'm struggling.  Struggling with trust and faith.  I've been through valleys and wildernesses.  I'm in the wilderness now and yet, I still struggle with trust.  After ALL that I have seen the Lord do in my heart, life, and family, I still have a hard time trusting that 1. God will do what He said He will do. and 2. That He really is out for my good...even if it hurts me.  

Trust- firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something (dictionary)

              To support, confirm, be faithful, uphold, nourish, to be established, be carried, make firm (concordance)

How do I get from where I am to where I want to be and should be in my faith?  Why do I keep judging God based on what man has done or is doing to me?  When will my heart receive that God is MORE than man and can be trusted when man cannot.  In this current situation, I think it is a matter of when I see things from one perspective and think IT is best for me when in fact HE sees it from an all different perspective and can see things I cannot see.  

That would make my wisdom more wise than His if I think what I see is best versus what He sees.  He’s got the whole picture, I’ve just got a piece of the puzzle.  I have basically told God I am wiser than Him and I know what’s best for me and my family.  How to overcome this mentality?  

Weary...Depression...Blessings...

And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. Galatians 6:9

Sadly, this is where I find myself today.  Among the praise, the provisions, the blessings...I find myself weary with our housing situation.  We still don't have a deadline and I am ever thankful for that.  We still have a roof over our heads and that is a blessing all on its own.
I'm one of those people that likes to have all my ducks in order and the limbo setting is nerve racking to me.  One of those, if I at least knew we would have a home to move into soon, then I'd have at least one answer.  I could move my mind to something else.

I know God hears me, I know the answer is already done in heaven and must come forth on earth.  I'm in the phase of wondering "how long"?  Everything just seems to be in limbo and I don't do well without stability and routine.  I'm wondering if I am out of the Will of God because I have no peace, only chaos and uncertainty.

I'm also dealing with some depression.  I feel it creeping in slowly.  I've been doing my best to think of the months in numbers and not names, but then someone reminded me that this is November and with that came the realization that we are coming up on the 1st Thanksgiving without my mom and then just weeks later the 1st yr. of her death.  I'm dreading it all and I'm wishing these months would just vanish away for this year.

With all of that going on, we have been blessed beyond measure in the last few weeks.  People from all over have blessed us with prayers, finances, and kind words.  I am so thankful for each of them.  This is what the body of Christ is supposed to look like!!!  To see the outpouring from so many has been mind boggling.  I can't even grasp a full understanding of it all.  Thank you just seems so inadequate to express how I feel.  My heart is overwhelmed.  Yet, I praise God for each of you!!!!

Ok, off to kinda think of some gifts for my sisters for Christmas.  I'm thinking lap quilts with some of the scraps I have around here or maybe matching napkins and placemats.  Any ideas?

Wednesday Night Bible Study

I wanted to post this last night when we got home from church, but the late hour and the fact that I was going to be getting up at 4:30 to take Ari to work (only 5 hours of sleep), was a factor I chose not to contend with! ;-)

1 Samuel 15:22-23 And Samuel said, Has the Lord a great delight in burned offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord?  Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.
For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness (insubordination) is as iniquity and idolatry.  Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He has also rejected you from being king.


How many times have I quoted this scripture to my children when they were little?  So many times I can't count it on my fingers anymore.  After last night though, I wondered if I had the explanation of this scripture for myself and for them would things had been different in my youth and would it had saved my children some heartache as well?!

Rebellion- is the refusal to obey or obey completely and it is equal to the sin of witchcraft (playing around with cults and demons).  It opens you up to the demonic realm.

WWWWWWHHHHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!

Yes, that's exactly what I was saying while I wrote that down last night.  I'm a scary person by nature.  The demonic and cult realm scare me.  To me it's like drugs/alcohol and they scare me.  With drugs/alcohol you aren't in full control of yourself.  To me, that's what the demonic and cult realm are like.  Then it scares me because if I'm foolin' around with that, then that means I'm not on my Daddy's side...He's not living within me.  And truth be told, I want Him all up in my mix!!!!

But then I just sat there in shock, horror, shame, regret, etc.  When we disobey God, we invite the demonic into our thoughts, lives, and relationships.

To think that insubordination means to refuse to come under legitimate authority is as idolatry and idolatry is ANYTHING you are using to replace God.  Well, by this point, my spirit within me was really heavy and I began to repent and ask God to show me specifically where I had allowed the door of my life open to the enemy and his minions.

The example given was as follows:  A man walked up to the pastor and told him he wanted a divorce from his wife.  He realized that now he had married a demon and he wanted out.  The pastor said he knew this man well and the situation and had counseled him previously.  He turned to the man and said, you refuse to come in line with your Spiritual Authority, you've opened the door of your home, marriage, and family to the evil one and now you want out?  I say to you today, repent, get in line with your Spiritual Authority, and see if your home life does not begin to change.

When the husband refuses to come under the authority of God, he invites demons into his home and family.  The he doesn't want to live with what he's invited in.  Children may reflect the demons that the father has allowed in by being out of order.  Wives may also reflect those demons.  You don't just walk away from that, you get your house in order.
Sadly this made me think about my own home and made me wonder.  I won't go into detail, but I will say I can pinpoint the exact time period and what was going on when things began to get out of order and it had to do with my husband.

Speaking of which, I'm asking for sincere prayer for this man.  I have had no contact with him and don't know where he is.  However, one of his sisters contacted me and though they don't talk and she claims to not know where he is either, she did share some concerns with me.  He is deeply, deeply involved in a cultic religion.  This sister once lived in great sin and recently (about a yr. ago) gave her life to Christ and began to make a turn around.  He basically told her to go and continue in sin because her life was so much better then.  When she refused, he got extremely upset with her. She did say that he fears dying alone as his father did.  When I say his father's life and his life are a mirror image at this point in time, I'm being very honest.  That grieves my heart.  I know God's desire is that none of us perish and yet we all have free will.  But when I think back...this man knows Truth.  He received/accepted Christ and was baptized.  So to hear about a change in him such as this, is very disheartening.
Satan deceives so that he can get us to disobey, thereby, unlocking the doors of our lives to him.  I'm afraid that this is what has taken place in his life and I saw when it began to happen.  I'm saddened that I was not more spiritually mature to discern then what was taking place.

So the question that was put before us and I now put before you is:  What have you partially obeyed or completely disobeyed that has allowed the enemy entry into your life or the lives of your family?  Repent and ask God to rid your life of the demonic influence.

SOOOOOOOO MANY PRAISES!!!!

I don't even know where to begin.  The MIRACLE we are praying for has not happened yet, but all things God does are miracles.

We have baby guineas!!!  Out of the 30 something guineas we had, we only ended up with 2 males and 1 female.  The female laid eggs earlier this summer, but one by one they all disappeared.  Then we noticed about 30 days ago that she laid more.  I figured we'd just see what happened.  A friend came to pick up Ari for work this morning and she noticed the chicks!!! To our surprise, God's creation.....we have 16 living chicks.  WOO HOO life is so amazing no matter whose it is.  You would have thought we had won the lottery the way I was jumping around outside!!! ;-)  They are the cutest things.

The donations through Gleaning The Harvest in the last 24 hours has overwhelmed us!  We can't believe that so many that we don't even know have blessed us in such awesome and mighty ways.  Plus a dear friend stopped by and blessed us with some much needed resources yesterday while we were at church!  Today we are headed out to buy each a pair of shoes for the winter and a couple of items of clothing to prepare for the winter!  This is totally awesome!  I'm paying bills and buying food. 

It really is the simple things in life that absolutely mean sooooo much!!!!

I also cannot forget the thousands of prayers going up on our behalf!  God's children are amazing.  

Ok, then the family that Ari is now working for asked how much it would take for us to get to Wednesday night Bible study.  She then said not to worry about IF we could go, we would only NOT go if something else happened to keep us from going, and gas would not be one of those things to stop us because her family wants to make sure we have gas to get to church every Wednesday night!!!!  Can you believe that?  WOW!!!!  AAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

because we have no phone right now, she wants to get us one so we can at least have it here in case it's needed!!!!  

NOW tell me...is there anyone greater than GOD????  

There is NOBODY GREATER THAN HIM!!!

And we are STILL praying for that miracle!  HE'S ABLE!

Refiners Fire

Can I be honest with you?  I hate it!!!

The last three months have been excruciatingly hard for me, but it has brought to the surface the impurities in my heart and life.

Me have impurities????  You better believe it!!!

When you aren't going through the fire, you can wear a mask that the world sees, but God is looking at your heart and shaking His head and grieving.  He knows what is in you.  He knows what you are exhibiting to others is not the real you.  He knows the junk that is in you and He wants to get it out so that He can mold you to be more like Christ.
This is not easy, fun, nor something we (especially I) look forward to.
Nevertheless, this is exactly what has been taking place in my life since August 1.

If you remember, I quit a full time job making $3000 a month to work 2 part time jobs making approximately $1000 a month and cleaning houses.  I had planned to take that last full paycheck from my previous employer and pay all bills for the month of August and part of September and financially be ready to deal with the bills working with less each month about mid September.  I had planned it really well.  However, when I opened my mailbox on Aug. 2, I was plunged into reality and a depth of depression, despair, and uncertainty.  I received a final check of $1.56.  Yes, you read that right...one dollar and fifty six cents.  Upon further investigation with the company and through the labor board, I apparently received my July check on July 1 (even though on July 1 I hadn't worked a day in July).  Go figure....I've quite trying to understand this one.  Then the 2 part time jobs and houses has turned out to be one part time job and one house.  So from $3000 to less than $500 a month, with bills ranging from $1400-$1500 per month.

All my best laid plans were dashed and the true depth of my relationship with Christ and trust in Christ were revealed.  Basically, I've trusted in what I could see and what I could do.  So my trust in Christ was a bit shallow.  I had been leaning on my on self as my source and not the God of the Bible.  This time period has even had me questioning my relationship with Christ.  It has revealed some things that I didn't want to readily admit.

I AM SAVED!!!!  I DO BELIEVE IN GOD AND I HAVE ACCEPTED CHRIST AS MY SAVIOR.  There is no argument there.
But my faith and trust in God were/are shaky.  My relationship with Christ...shallow.
But God doesn't want shaky faith and trust, nor a shallow relationship.

This time made me question God.  Yet as the days have gone by, I had to and am having to question myself.  You see God didn't change...Malachi 3:6 For I am the Lord, I change not; Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and today, and forever.
So if God didn't change, that means I did.  Instead of drawing closer to God, I have allowed my circumstances to draw me away from Him and His Word.  The enemy has used this time to disrupt and distract me because he knows that the victory and answers I've been seeking are in God.  I misjudged him yet again!!!!!  I was looking for the enemy to come at me one way and he snuck in on me from a different way! UGHHHHHHHH

I've questioned if I heard God correctly.  Did I follow my own heart or did I truely hear from God to walk away from that job to be closer to home and my children?  I know sometimes He will tell us things to do that don't make since in this world.  He will have us do what seems illogical and makes no sense and yet in the end it will have brought us right to a place and in alignment with where God wanted us to be all along.
I'm on the verge of being homeless and a shelter or my van are the only options at this point and time.  Money is tight.  There are many meals skipped, not because we aren't hungry, but because we have no food.  I could go on and on, but I'm not trying to get you to a point of feeling sorry for us, but just get you to a point of understanding where I am right now.
So I've questioned, God did I hear you right?  Did I do what You wanted?  Why can't I hear directions from You now?  Where are You in my trouble?

I don't know if my house will be saved...I don't have the finances to catch up the payment nor to pay the monthly payments even if I could catch it up.  But that is neither here nor there, I need to be one with God.  That is most important!!!

I'm going to be camping out in 1 Samuel 7 for the next few days, as well as the book of Habakkuk.  Pastor Evans has a teaching on OnePlace.com with a sermon titled Revival: The Return of God to His People dated October 12/13, you can listen for free.  This is helping me a great deal right now!  It's giving me a greater understanding of what I have done and am doing and need to do.
I'm also going to be cutting back on things that are taking away my time with God.  Facebook is one of them.  I will be accessing it only twice a week beginning this week.
I know this is one area robbing me and distracting me.  I had also learned that since I am a person that MUST have a schedule to function, that I need to write in things that even seem obvious to me...devotion time, quiet time, church services, etc.  So I have done that on my laptop and now need to transfer this onto my calendar we have on the wall.

I covet your prayers, as I know the enemy doesn't mind us professing Christ, but the moment we start talking about getting to know Him more or drawing closer to Him, he will do all to usurp those plans and intentions.  So if me or my family come to your mind, please lift us up to the Lord.  My heart cries for a closeness with God that will only come from delving into His Word!!!

Share your thoughts...

It is my understanding that many Christians are saying we are no longer under the law of the Old Testament, but free from the law.

I have a different understanding of this.  I understand it to mean we are no longer under the law to ensure our salvation.  Because if we are no longer under the law in the Old Testament then that would throw the Ten Commandments out and murder, adultery, lying, stealing, etc. would be acceptable.  I'm just saying if we are free from the law in the Old Testament, then the Old Testament is of no importance to our lives today and we can strike it null and void and there is no reason to read it, nor include it in the Bible today.
Maybe I'm not making myself clear so if you can help bring clarity, please do!  Thanks

Anyone have a different understanding?  Please share...don't attack, but share.  Ultimately we must take it before God and allow Him to illuminate His truth to us.

44 Days and 27 Blog Posts

That's how many days and blog posts I have until I launch my Etsy shop.  I will launch on my Mother's Birthday, October 8th in honor of her.  I will also have a give away of an item that I'm going to list on my Etsy shop after I hit blog post 250!!!

I'm excited and hope you'll keep watching and anticipating both the shop and the giveaway.

I'm like the Israelites...

Late last night I shared some information regarding a job with a friend.  Early this morning he replied and asked how we were.  He's been without a job for a long time and his statement was; I'm Trying to survive... It's day to day literally.

I laid my head back down and then a thought came to me.  The Israelites had to depend on the Lord day to day as well.  He wants nothing different from us as well.

My comment to him was, "Yes, but that's exactly how He wants us to live.  Day to day...remember the Israelites couldn't gaterh manna for the next day.  They were only to collect what they wuld need for that day!!!  Day by day, trusting and walking with Him.

In Exodus chapter 16, we read that the Israelites began to grumble and complain about not having meat and bread to eat.  They had those things in Egypt and were literally looking back to what they had and not at what was in front of them.

Read all of Chapter 16, but pay close attention to verses 4-5, 17-20.  They were instructed to gather only that which they needed for that days meals and nothing more. They could only gather twice as much on the day before the Sabbath because they would have nothing to gather on the Sabbath.  However, they disobeyed and gathered more than what they needed trying to save it for the next day.  You know JUST IN CASE GOD DIDN'T PROVIDE FOR THE NEXT DAY.

Well, I am just like them and so are you.  We only need to ask God for our "daily bread" and that's exactly what He gives us.  We don't need to worry about tomorrow, it has it's own worries and He's just that kind of God that he'll provide for tomorrow when it gets here and not a moment sooner.

I have this job making far less than what I was making just a few weeks ago.  I'm going to have to supplement by sewing and cleaning houses, but I only need to be concerned with today and trust Him to provide our needs for today and as for tomorrow, I'll just ask Him to provide what we need on tomorrow.

I will not worry or fret, He was the God of the Israelites and He provided for them, He's my God as well and He'll provide for me as well.  Knowing this gives me great peace to be able to hand this problem over to Him while I rest in the palm of His hand!!!

I am His

I receive the Proverbs 31 devotional each morning and now follow them on Facebook.  It was through one of the posts on Facebook that I found Wendy Blight.  She is currently doing a Bible study on the book of Ephesians.  I started late so I'm a bit behind, but that's ok.

So I did the reading portion of Ephesians 1 and have been mulling it over for several days.  I then reread it a couple of more times.  However, through answering the questions today something jumped out at me.

First off, I am not adopted.  I was born into my family and have remained within that family ever since.  In the last few years, not including my natural family, I have felt like an orphan....unwanted.  Pushed aside and searching for someone to love me for just me.  I thought that when I married I had finally arrived into this family that wanted me with all my flaws.  (again I am not speaking of my family I was born into, I know they love and want me).  Then I was abandoned, thrown out as yesterdays garbage, discarded like an unwanted item.  I felt useless and even dirty.  You know, something must be wrong with me to be pushed aside.
I had been saved for some years at that point, but my growth had been stunted.  I didn't truly know who He was nor Whose I was.  I remember crying out one night asking God who loved me and begging Him for someone who loved me just for me.  I went to sleep and at some point through the night I had a vision.  This man whom I only saw from behind was cloaked in this bright garment.  He was holding this small, little, vulnerable girl in His lap and He was rocking her.  He was wiping her tears away and whispering to her that He loved her.  Over and over His words echoed "I Love You"..."I Love you just for who you are".  She snuggled up close to Him and looked up in His face and drifted off to sleep.
I awoke with a start, not sure what that dream was about and headed to the restroom.  As I walked, trying to understand who He was and who she was, the revelation hit me and it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I fell to the floor on my knees and cried like a baby.  That was Jesus and that little girl was me!!!!!  He allowed me, to climb into His lap and He held me and rocked me and whispered His love over me.  I was His.  I was His.  I am His.
I've never been adopted by an earthly family, but I know what it is to be adopted.  He adopted filthy, dirty me.  He with all His cleanness and perfection wiped the grime from me and cleaned me up, but before all that, He put me in His lap and said just as you are, I love you.  I want you.  You are Mine!!!!

I have my moments now and again where I feel so abandoned and alone, but all I have to do is remember that He adopted me.  He wanted me in all my mess.  He looked at me and saw beauty when others saw flaws.  He cradled me close when others pushed me away.  He became my everything in those next few months and I've held on to that ever since.  When people ask me to describe God to them, I can't give some educated answer, it's not witty, it's just real.  He is everything to me.  I know I've said it before in a blog post, but my oh my, when you realize that EVERYTHING you were looking for HE IS...you'll shout it from the roof tops, you'll share it with anyone, the knowledge and understanding of it will shine forth from your smile.

This journey has not been easy.  I've hated it most of the time.  I long for a companion and friend.  But oh the joy, the joy that my heart sings....because without this journey, I would not have discovered that all I could ever want and had ever dreamed of He is.  That Knight on the white horse I dreamed of as a girl, coming to take me away to live happily ever after...that's Him.  He was there all the time.  He was waiting on me to realize it.  He stood by and waited.  He knew it would happen, He predistined it you know (Eph. 1:5).  And then the day came, as I saw me through His eyes.  That frail, dirty, little girl, sitting in His lap.  In that moment, He became mine, because you see I was His all along.

I sing that song Oh How I Love Jesus with new meaning!!!!

I could go on and on with the revelation of who God has become and is becoming to me, but there are not enough hours in the day for me to speak of His goodness.  If you don't know Him through this adoption, I pray He reveals Himself and your heart is soft enough to accept Him.  He's standing there waiting on you!

Still Thirsty? Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

My Oh My!!!  Last night was the final night of VBS 2010!  It was still totally amazing and then some.  There were times when there were no words to describe what I witnessed.  It was refreshing to be away from the adults and see the fire of the youth for the Lord!  I think as we get older we get stiff necked and our vision becomes tunneled and we begin to stifle the fire in our youth.  

Ah, but I saw young people dancing for the Lord, shouting for the Lord, praising Him and worshiping Him.  It was so electrifying it made me think of the story in the Bible of David dancing when the Ark was returned to it's rightful place. (Read 2 Sam. 6 special attention to verses 1, 14-15, 21-22)

Now these young folks jumped, they shouted, and yes they even did some up to date dances.  Nothing was vulgar or shameful...it's just not how we do it at OCBF.  However, I looked and the first thought was you know there would be some adults shaking their head in disgust and admonishing them for what they were doing.  (sounds like David's wife)

Seriously though, it was all clean, in order, and it truly was a beautiful sight.  

And then....it happened!!!  Can't say exactly when, the moment just happened.  There was a shifting in the atmosphere.  The presence of the Lord was there.  One by one these young people began to cry out  unto the Lord with humble hearts and outstretched hands.  

My prayer, as was many other parents prayers, that the revival would begin in the hearts of our youth.  That it would flow from them to the families, the schools, the communities, the cities, and yes even flood the state of Texas!!!  

I applaud and praise our youth ministry for all they do for our children.  The time they invest into their lives and to see that they really do love these children...it is amazing.  This is the village which I don't mind helping me to guide my children in the right direction.  

So last night the former youth pastor came to speak.  He spoke from Matthew 5:6, John 7:37-38, 1 Corinthians 1:30, and Zechariah 14:8.  Remember the theme was Obey Your Thirst!  Monday, the question was What are you thirsty for?  I told you we are to seek after right things.  Things that are godly, holy, and good...righteous.  Last night Pastor Von told them that the righteousness they are to be seeking is JESUS!!!  

Our bodies are made up of 70% water.  It is the most necessary thing to sustain life.  Our bodies can go for days without food, but not without water.  Many times we are so thirsty and yet we try to quench that thirst with overly sweetened kool-aid, soda, tea, etc. and yet our bodies still crave water.  We overeat a lot of times mistaking that pain for hunger, when in reality our bodies are crying out for water.   We try to give our bodies substitutes, but to no avail.  The moment we drink water, our bodies are satisfied and the thirst is quenched.  It's one of those after you take that loooong drink of water you say Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! because that's what your body wanted all along.

Well, our spirits are no different.  Our spirits are filled with the Holy Spirit when we accept Christ.  He longs for Jesus.  We try to quench our spirits with things, people, relationships, activities, and such, but our spirit man within is never satisfied.  We keep trying to give him something he was not equipped to want or need in order to survive.  He is begging for the Lord to infiltrate our lives, hearts, and minds, but we keep picking up iphones, ipads, tv shows, movies, ungodly music, and relationships that mean us no good.  Yet the moment we open our hearts to Jesus and cry out for Him, our spirits are no longer dry.  When we are craving more of God's Word and Striving for His Ways, our spirit man becomes quenched and you can almost here Him say Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!  

You want peace, joy, love, happiness, satisfaction?  Obey Your Thirst!

Now that above was what the Lord spoke to me this morning as I was driving to work.  Pastor Von used the analogy of being hungry and stopping at the store for a snickers.  He said he got home and his wife had prepared a home cooked meal for him.  It was hot and laid out, ready for him to partake of it.  However, when she asked him if he was hungry, he said no.  The 2 snickers he had gotten and eaten had eased his hunger pains, but he knew he would be hungry again because in reality he had not addressed the hunger, just the pains!!!

Satan knows that we are hungry.  He knows that our spirit man cannot be satisfied with anything else but Jesus, but he throws in all these candy bars to "ease the hunger pains" (money, sex, power, material things, popularity, acceptance, relationships, etc.) and yet he knows they will never address the real hunger.  

We've got to get so far beyond satisfying the condition and feed our spirit man what it's really seeking.

So I ask you....Still Thirsty?  Let me introduce you to a Man that knows all about you and still loves you and wants you.  He knows your heart and thoughts.  He knows what you've been through and what you'll go through in all your tomorrows.  He knew you before you were born and had your story written out before time began.  He's been calling you by name since the beginning of time.  He died so you wouldn't have to.  He conquered the grave and hell so you could be free.  He did this for you before you even knew Him.  There is no one or no thing on earth that will die for you or your freedom.  

His name is Jesus!!!  He's the Father & the Son, the Holy Spirit within you...yeah, that's Him too!!!  Everything you can ever want, everything you will every need....that's Him, He's got it!

He'll never leave you!  He not only wants to call you friend....He actually calls you child & heir!  

This Jesus, died for you, so that when it's all said and done, you can spend eternity with Him!  Who on earth can love you this much?  No man can do for you what this ONE Man has already done!  

I dare you to hear Him calling you and run to Him!!!!

What are you thirsty for?

During our family VBS at church, our youth usually have a theme for their sessions.  This years theme is OBEY YOUR THIRST.

Last night I stayed with the adults for praise and worship and the comedy session, but went across the street to check out what MY youth were learning.  I try to go over for at least one of their sessions and just hear for myself what they are learning.

I got over in time to witness some of the praise and worship by Eddie James and his crew of young people .  It was awesome and the Holy Spirit was not only present, but moving upon the hearts of the youth.  Some of his young people began to give their testimonies about what God has delivered them from and then they began to pray over the youth of OCBF.  It was an awesome time of worship and you could literally see the chains of bondage being broken over these young lives.  Things they've been holding onto in secret thinking no one would know and not realizing that God knew and knows!!!  But to see the lightness in their walk and attitude as the shackles were loosed and they were set free.  Man, I feel the Spirit moving within my heart even NOW!!!

The night was not over as this man from Arizona began to teach.  I've never heard of him before, but oh my goodness what he began to speak to the young people was breath taking and freeing as well.  Chad Johnson spoke truth to these lives and hearts.

Now of course there were some youth there that were strictly there for the ability to visit with others but for those couple hundred that were serious about getting the Word in their hearts...that was an awesome thing to see.

So what are you thirsty for?  (now that I've given you a brief synopsis of night 2 of Family VBS at OCBF )

Matthew 5:6 (NASB)

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

Of course Pastor Johnson broke it down to their level, but never lost the integrity of the Word.  

Do you hunger and thirst for what is right?  And what is right anyway?  In the world in which we live in, society would have us to think AND believe that what is right is what feels good to you.  You've heard it before... if it feels good do it!  Society would have us to believe that each person has a view of what is right and what is not, hence the rapid acceleration of divorce, homosexuality, premarital sex, addictions of all kinds, etc. 

Ahhhhh, but that is not what measures our integrity and it's even more than just following and obeying the 10 Commandments.  It is the Truth, the Word of God, the Living Word by which our rightness is measured.  

But it goes on to say that those who hunger and thirst for doing what is right....they shall be (will be) satisfied (content, pleased, happy).  

We try so hard in this thing called life to fill a void in our hearts, to find something to quench our thirst and longing, but NOTHING ever does; well, for a short moment it does and then we are off looking to and for something else.  Gadgets, money, material things will give us satisfaction for just a moment, but NOTHING was or is ever intended to fill the God sized hole in our hearts.  But when we open the Word of God and begin to see what He has to say about a matter and then meditate on that and do what it says, then the satisfaction from that will overflow.  

Can you imagine a life here on earth that is fully satisfied and content?  It is possible!  

So the question remains, what are you thirsty for? Oh but I have another question, How bad do you want it?  

Lord's Day

I don't usually post on a Sunday because that is usually God's time and family time.
It's still God's time, I'm just sitting here singing praises and working on organizing my sewing area.  The children, however, have abandoned me to go outside in the warm sun to visit some friends and get some fresh air.  I don't mind the peace and quiet right now, I've got time to pray and focus on some thoughts and so forth, so I'm really not complaining.

Church was awesome!!!!  Pastor Tony Evans is taking this entire year speaking on knowing God. He did announce this morning that this will probably go on longer than a year and none of us objected one bit.  Part of the series will include the various names of God.

Today he spoke on our fruit as Christians.  That if we are hanging out with Christ, our fruit in our lives will reflect that as well.  Yet if we are finding our time is spent mostly with other people not following Christ or hobbies or other time sappers, then our fruit will reflect a weak walk with Christ.
Colossians 1:9-12.....John 15:1-5 He gave an analogy of the vineyards in Napa Valley.  He said the grape vines are tied together and hoisted on these poles throughout the vineyard so that the grapes don't cause the vines to be on the ground.  This enables them (grapes/vines) to get the full use of the sun and the fruit is full and luscious.  If they are allowed to drag to the ground then they are down in the dirt, unable to utilize what the sun is offering, this would kill the fruit and halt the production of more fruit.  He then mentioned that on grape vines are these things called sucker shoots.  They have no real purpose, they don't produce anything, they just begin to syphon off the nutrients that is needed for the grapes.  He related these sucker shoots to some people in our lives, hobbies, television, etc. that take from our time with God.

I love how he can use every day things and intertwine them with Biblical things for a clearer understanding.  And as usually when he said stand and lets pray, I was NOT ready to go!!!  I could sit and listen to him teach for hours on end...he's just that good.

We were going to have this big Sunday dinner, but the kids all asked for chili/cheese tater tots.  So we'll prepare the big meal and have it tomorrow, but tonight we are going to just chill with chili/cheese tater tots.

Ok, I'm off to continue organizing.  Have a blessed Sunday and spend some time abiding in the Vine and allow your fruit to reflect that of Christ!!!!

Our Weekend!!!

I thought I would wait until tomorrow to write about the Texas Rubies Retreat my daughters and I attended...(check out Above Rubies)

This was the most blessed weekend I've had in such a long time.  It is always great to be around other like minded women.  It is refreshing to hear that wanting to be a wife/mother in today's society is not only ok, it is what the Lord planned for us women all along. (yes even in this imperfect world)
It is also wonderful that my daughters could be a part of this and see and hear so many ladies rejoicing in motherhood, womanhood, and femininity.
I was able to put faces with names that I've only encounterd on our eloop (check out yahoo groups Texas Rubies).  To meet some women that know other women I also know that aren't a part of the group and realize just how small the world really is.  And for my daughters to meet new friends that are striving to be all God called them to be and embrace motherhood/womanhood as well.  The teaching was amazing, the worship was splendid, the ladies were blessings, and the Holy Spirit was THERE!  REFRESHING!!!!
I went to this retreat expecting to hear from the Lord and with no intentions of spending a dime because, well, check out my previous post.
I spent $12 whole dollars and it was the best twelve dollars I could have spent the entire weekend.  I purchased the devotional Nancy kept speaking of...Daily Light on the Daily Path.  I needed something that would be Word filled for our family devotions, yet not be so long that I couldn't enjoy them now that I've returned to the single parent role.  In other words, I needed short spurts or shots of the Word.  This devotional has a morning reading and an evening reading...I can do that.  Nancy even shared that her husband reads the morning reading and prays over their day and family.  In the evening around the meal table, he reads the evening reading, they discuss and ask questions, they each pray and then pray for a different country or nation as well.  I thought, hmmmmm, I can do something like that.  And we'd all be getting doses of the Word!!!!
Well, I got up this morning as we were preparing for the final message this morning.  The lodge was still dark, as many women had not awakened yet.  So I stood by my bunk with this book laying on the top bed and my phone in hand as a flashlight.  I read this mornings reading:
March 7
Morning Reading
Your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name. Isaiah 54:5

This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Ephesians 5:32
You shall no longer be termed Forsaken,...but you shall be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah; for the Lord delights in you, and your land shall be married...And as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.  Isaiah 61:1-3
I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation...as a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. Isaiah 61:10
I will betroth you to Me forever; yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and mercy. Hosea 2:19
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Romans 8:35

I was standing on the side of that bed and I wanted to shout and scream for joy as the Holy Spirit so sweetly spoke and ministered to my heart.  A peace beyond understanding wrapped around me and my heart was filled with joy.  He calls me Hephzibah, which is Hebrew for My delight is in her.
He delights in me.  I am no longer to call myself forsaken or feel forsaken. He rejoices in me and all my life.  He clothes me with salvation and is betrothed to me forever, in righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and mercy.  NO ONE can separate me from the Love of Christ!!!!!!!!
I am valued.  I am loved.  I am His and He is mine.  No matter what comes my way or what my husband has done to me, I am FAR ABOVE RUBIES....PRICELESS!!!

When we returned home this afternoon, my girls and I laid down and were out...I'm only up because I got hungry, but will soon head back to bed.  But before I did that, I thought, let me read this evenings reading:

Evening Reading
My times are in Your hand. Psalm 31:15

All His saints are in Your hand. Deut. 33:3
The word of the Lord came to [Elijah], saying, "Get away from here and turn eastward, and hide by the Brook Cherith, which flows into the Jordan.  And it will be that you shall drink from the brook, and I have commanded the ravens to feed you there."...Then the word of the Lord came to him saying, "Arise, go to Zarephath, which belongs to Sidon, and dwell there.  see, I have commanded a widow there to provide for you." 1 Kings 17:2-4, 8-9
Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on...For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. Matthew 6:25, 32
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

He loves me so much, if need be, he will command the birds of the air to feed me...I have no need to worry about anything, not even the bills I have this month with no money to pay them.  He knows we need these things and He has forgiven me for not tithing and will take care of our needs.  I casted my cares, hopes, dreams, visions, and desires upon Him and He will take care of those along with my concerns, fears, and worries.  But with all of that, my mother's FAVORITE scripture...Prov. 3:5-6 and she would quote this to all who went to her with a concern or worry.  She quoted it to us almost daily.  I will trust in the Lord, I will acknowledge Him, I will not lean on my own understanding...My God will direct my every path.  He loves me just that much.

However, don't think this is just for me, because He loves you just that much too!!!!!

Be blessed and good night!!!

PS.....I linked an online KJ version of Daily Light on the Daily Path...you can go here and read the very thing I read today.  It looks like the entire book is there!!!!! WOW I had no idea.  Be blessed by this reading.

Me being honest

May I be honest with you?  It’s been a while since I’ve picked up
my Bible just to read it and not been in church.  It’s sad to say that
these things happen, but after the death of my father and the issues
with my husband, I went through a period of not picking up my Bible.  I
just didn’t know where to meet God at in the Word, but I did do A LOT
of praying during that time.  Sadly this time after my mother’s
passing proved to be no different.  I’ve picked up my Bible and gone
to church.  Picked it up during our sparse family devotion times.
However, I’ve not had a quiet time with just my Lord in the Word in a
long, long, time.  Like I said, I’ve spent many hours in prayer
though. 

Yesterday, I decided to pick up my Bible and read.  The Lord didn’t
prompt me to a certain passage or book, in fact as I was driving in to
work I decided to begin reading
Psalms and Proverbs again which coincides with the days date. 

So, I get in early enough that in my suite there is only me.  I asked
God to speak to me through His Word.  There are so many things that are
heavy upon my heart and when I begin to pray for them or through them, I
get overwhelmed and basically melt down to tears. 
My question before reading these scriptures was…Lord where are You?  I
feel like I’m going through so much again and I can’t seem to see
where You are in all of this and yet I know You are there.  I wish You
would just cover me and protect me from all the hurts and pains I’m
feeling, all the uncertainties, all the feelings of rejection.

In yesterdays reading, here are a few things God spoke to me:
Ps. 3:3 - You, O Lord, are a shield about me, My glory and the One who
lifts my head.
Ps. 33:20 - Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our
shield.
Ps. 63:8 - My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.
Ps. 123:1 - To You I lift up my eyes…
Ps. 123:2 - …so our eyes look to the Lord our God, until He is gracious
to us.


In Today’s reading, I again said Lord, I need to hear from You.  Your
Words coming off of someone else’s lips just won’t do in a time like
this, I need to hear from You. 
I’ve not quite finished with today’s reading because I was a little
late for work, but at this moment, this is what I’m holding on to…
Ps. 34:10 - …they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good
thing.

I’ve been praying about my finances and the bills I’m faced with
yet again as a single mother and began to feel overwhelmed.  I don’t
understand why I’m in this place that I’m in, why I’m brought so
low (except for humility), but Lord I’ll trust you to provide what we
need.  I asked for forgiveness, because once again I didn’t tithe to
pay bills and all of them still won’t get paid.  Talk about a vicious
cycle!!!! 

Even through it all, I’ve seen that God is indeed faithful and that
His love for me is ever so strong and deep. 

Please be in prayer for me and my girls as we attend a retreat this
weekend very near our home.  Nancy Campbell will be speaking and it is
always such a joy to hear her rich teaching of the things God has laid
on her heart for mothers, wives, women, daughters, and families.  We are
excited!!!

Blessings…

Struggles

Sometimes I feel like there is so much on my plate.  I seriously would like to give some of it back.  In a two month time period, my entire world has been rocked and there seems to be no letting up.

I feel like my WALK is challenged on every end, at every moment.  I daily feel the weight of this world and life on my shoulders.  I'm constantly reminded that I cannot carry this load on my own.
To many, I may sound like I'm giving up, taking the easy way, the broad path.  I assure you, I am not.  Some may say I am leaving my children out to take on the wolves themselves.  Again, I am not.
What I am doing, however, is taking a step back and regrouping and retraining my own focus on the Lord. How can I be an example if my walk is shaky?
I'm also putting something back in my husbands lap...the spiritual welfare of our family.  This load was NEVER meant for the woman to carry.  The burden was to solely be the mans, with the woman coming along side him.  I feel that as long as I carry the load, my husband will continue to allow me to do just that.
I can still assign certain books to be read and scriptures to meditate on for school and the children's daily quiet time, but family devotions will be up to my husband.
I know it may sound foolish to some, but none walk in my shoes.  If I continue to be a crutch to him, he will continue to use me to hobble on.  I don't want that for him, me, or our children.  We've all got to see him gain his strength and his own momentum in his spiritual life.

Please join with me in prayer and fasting if you feel led, that God will move in his heart, that he would have a hunger and thirst for the things of God.  That he would become so dissatisfied with anything less. That God would speak to him about the spiritual state of his life as well as our family.

Please also lift me up, as this is VERY scary for me.  I've been the head of my home for 4 years and to begin to let things go is not easy.

Grace

Well, it's been a little over a week that my husband has been home.  We are all trying to relearn and transition back to being a 5 person household.  If I can be honest, it's not easy.
I was crying out to God one day because I had all these expectations of his return and let me tell you this is nothing like what I had envisioned.  As I was crying and pouting, God said, you prayed for his return and I've done that, do you not think I can change him into the man of God I called him to be?  OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I said, well yes Lord, but.  He said there are no buts, you are to extend grace to him just as I extend my grace to you.  It won't be easy, but I will help carry the burden.  I will be here to hear your cries and when you are done, you will be light and salt to him.  Plant the seeds and let me water and grow them.  It is not my desire that he be lost to the world.  It is not my desire that he profess to be a Child of God and yet live like the world.  If I covered, kept, and protected you and your children for 4 years...I will not stop now.  This is not about you, but it is about My glory. 
Really, after the Lord finishes "spanking" you in that manner, there really isn't much more to say except...Yes Lord!
So, please continue to pray for me and my family as the children and I strive to be salt and light to my husband. 
We are specifically praying that his will be broken so that God can step in and be the Lord of His life.  This is only day #2 but he is getting up with me each morning to pray and read a portion of scripture.  We are also trying to get back in the groove of family devotions and he has participated in that as well.  So continued prayer that he become increasingly hungry for the things and ways of God and allows the Word of God to transform his life and way of thinking.

Blessings and much thanks for your prayers!

She's Back!!!

Akyra returned home yesterday evening.  Her flight went smoothly and she handled things well.  To see the transformation that has taken place within her is amazing. 
God NEVER ceases to amaze me. 
We still have much to work through, but because He loves us so much, I know that He will be with us every step of the way.  There is nothing He wouldn't do for us.
I had allowed the enemy to whisper to me yesterday and he taunted me all day long.  What if...
her plane didn't make it, what if she missed the flight, what if...
It's those what if's that can make you go insane. 
Yet, none of those things happened and as we sat around the table eating and listening to this very "quiet" child chatter on and on about her trip, I gave praises to God for taking care of this lamb that He blessed me with. 

Now, my turn, my turn, as I jump up and down waving my arms wildly about.  I need a Journey to His Heart as well.  I want that transformation in my life too.  I desire to relinquish this baggage I carry with me.  I want to be free!!!
Please keep us in your prayers as we continue to come together in His Word and that the girls will go forward in their journeys. 

Praise & Fear...My Oxymoron

Thursday, Nov. 5th, my husband returned home.  It's been a long hard 4 year road of separation for us, but God has been faithful.  It still has not set in that this is real and in reality, a part of me waits for him to wake up and say "I made a mistake or I changed my mind".  This is where my fear overtakes me.

We've got much garbage to work through and the challenges we face will not be easy.  

I do trust that God can do ANYTHING and yet, I know as humans, we have the ability to make choices that are not always pleasing to the Lord.

Every time I went in the direction towards divorce, God clearly said no.  It finally got to the point that I said Lord if you intend for me to remain without him or any mate, I will obey.  My heart was heavy and yet He continued to give me dreams and visions of reconciliation.  It seemed like merciless torture to be honest.  

The enemy constantly whispers in my ear reminding me that he "returned" home once before for a week and still chose to walk away.  So I'm daily having to fight him off and repeat God's truths.

So our desire is to one day renew our vows, but until that time, please keep us lifted up in your prayers.  Place us constantly at His feet before the throne.  We still have a long way to go, but we are trusting God for guidance.


All glory and praise be to Our Lord Jesus Christ who has brought things to this point and holds us in His hands!!!