11/07/2011

I Am Still Around

It's been several days since I've blogged and I've missed it.  It can be very daunting to blog when you feel you really don't have much to say to inspire or encourage others and that is what I'd like my blog to be about...as well as just showing the real side of who I am.
I'll try to give you a "brief" run down of what's going on in my world without boring you to death, or just maybe I will bore you...sorry in advance.  ;-)

We've been dealing with a nasty stomach bug that hit my house twice in two weeks.  SO NOT FUN!!!  However, we are all on the mend now.  I hadn't done much sewing to begin with in the past month and the illness didn't help much either.  I've made some decisions in the past 20 days.  I'm closing my online shop.  I'll actually NOT renew my web thing-a-ma-jig.  I will make a few business cards and as I give items away for gifts, I will include a card with it and people can come to my blog to see pics (I'll put up later) to see some of the things I've made.  I just don't feel motivated any longer to do mass sewing on a continuous basis.  I don't mind doing mass sewing for a craft fair or bazaar, but aside from that, it takes all the fun out of it for me and I want it to still remain enjoyable.  So I guess that answered my question....I am NOT cut out for being a salesman.  Not in the sense of having a shop.

What I really want to do (I don't think any of my friends or family know this) is teach others to sew, even if it's just basic things.  I wish I could start a sewing studio, set up with 5-8 machines at all times and teach beginning sewing.  Then I wonder, do people really want to learn how to sew?  I'm looking into classes at our local homeschool coop as a trial test.  I just wish I had a better place to set up....NOT JoAnn Fabrics.  That's my favorite place to shop, but I don't want to deal with their fees and such.  If I did, I'd basically be making pennies on the dollar....and they'd be taking the dollars. :-/
I know I have to start somewhere, but as a single mama, I need to be able to bring something home with which to feed my children with.

Anyway, I've also been asked to consider doing a devotional.  I'm just wondering, do I have ANYTHING to put in a devotional?  With ALL the thousands out there, WHO would want mine?  Would I gear it towards single moms?  And I'm seriously NOT articulate with my words!  My mother was a word person.  She loved all things words and learning.  I know just enough to get me in trouble!!!  More decisions which to pray about...

And I don't have to tell you, but I will, I'm struggling in my prayer life.  Struggling because I see God at work in my life, but when I look at the massive poverty we still live in and the thought of having to go back to a 9 to 5 in order to provide for my children, it is daunting and I get discouraged.  I'm not even sure which way to pray at times and yet, I keep trudging along...my children are watching.

On to other news.....

The other night I watched a really good and interesting documentary.  Forks Over Knives Now it got me to thinking AGAIN about what we eat.  I had gone the route of trying vegetarian full force and after about 21 days, I went back to my old habits.  Then just this year we gave it a go again, only this time I decided we would only have meet a few times a week.  That went well for a while as well, but yet again, I got lazy and went back to what I was comfortable with.  You know when you know something and are comfortable with it, it doesn't take much brain power to crank out a weekly or monthly menu and shop accordingly and cook accordingly.  It's a serious no brainer, but when you are switching to something so drastically unfamiliar, it takes A LOT of brain power and well, I got lazy!!!
So after watching this documentary, I began to THINK again.  I have heart disease, high blood pressure, anxiety attacks, high cholesterol, and now milk (I LOVE MILK) is doing a number on my stomach.  Now I totally dig veggies.  I enjoy them more than meat, so it's not the meat per say that I'm having an issue with giving up.  I totally LOVE dairy and eggs.  Yet this just may be one of the main culprits contributing to my health issues.  Knowing that, I still want my dairy and eggs.  I can go without milk...sigh.
I can learn to cook with almond or coconut milk, no biggie.  However, I don't know how to go without my cheeses, butter, and eggs!!!!  Well, I have been substituting coconut oil for butter whenever possible...not sure how to do that in baking.  OK, so that leaves me the cheese, eggs, and baking with butter dilemma.  I tried one of those cheese substitutes Daiya......ummm NO!!!!  What happens when I'm craving an omelet?  It doesn't happen often, but we have chickens in our chicken coop and they lay beautiful eggs.  Do I give in to that craving every now and then?  What happens when I want lasagna or a casserole that calls for cheddar cheese?  Or what about Mac N Cheese?  OH MY WORD!!!!!!!  I think this might be a bit easier if I had a nearby vegan friend that I could go to her house and sample her food.  UGHHH

Well, I've given myself until Jan 1, 2012 and I will switch over completely.  I have until then to find things I like to substitute the things I love.  Until then, I am gradually making changes.  I bought almond milk for cooking, not sure what to drink when I have a cookie....:-/  I'm already using coconut oil where I can.  I've switched from whites...flour, sugar, pasta, and rice.  Any vegans following me?  Got any pointers? I have also got to get my garden tilled and begin to compost and fertilize it now so it will be good and ready to go come spring.  Another sad thing is I JUST GOT ALL MY RECIPES CATEGORIZED AND IN 1 BINDER!!!!!  After 3 years I got it done last month and NOW I will have to redo it with vegan recipes. arghhhhhhh ughhhhhhhh

However, I know this is best for my health, so I will do it.  I'm over 260 pounds and I've got over 110 pounds to lose.  Oh My Word...seeing that just made me realize, I'm carrying a whole extra person on me.  No wonder I'm always so tired and lethargic and my heart races out of my chest!!!  Those are some sick numbers.  I've got to be serious about this whole thing...I do want to live a long life and enjoy grandchildren someday.  I can't do that if I'm in the grave because I enjoyed ALL of the things I love about food.

Anyway, that's what's going on in my world.  Ohhhh, and I am still considering moving.  I'm thinking Arkansas or Tennessee.  Just not sure when.  My youngest will be 18 in 2 years.  So then it will just be me moving if he leaves the nest at that age.  We shall see, only God knows!!

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