3/24/2009

...And so it begins...

I had written some time ago about my struggle with jealousy and envy, rage and anger. I said then that God had begun to deal with me on these issues. I knew then that it would not be long before He began to unearth specific issues in my heart and life and I was right.

God led me to seek out a friend about a week ago. She suggested that we read Choosing Forgiveness by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. I agreed, but the funny thing is, I've had that book for several months. I started reading it and threw it across my room. Well, before the Lord led me to seek out this friend, He told me it was time to pick this book up again too. Then she suggested we read it...hmmmmmmmmmmm, yeah God is all in my mail and He's proving it by not only speaking to me, but through others as well. ;-) Isn't that so like God, to confirm what He himself has spoken to you by also speaking it through someone else???!!!

Well, I obeyed. I began to read it today and am also going to read it with another dear friend. All I have to say is...I've only read the introduction, but there is such a healing peace even in that small portion.

I'm nervous, I'm scared, not only of the steps I know God is going to require of me, but also the things He will shake up, unearth, and have me to deal with and face yet again...even if for the sake of handing them all over to Him. However, I must say this, I AM READY for the journey. I'm ready for healing, for a breakthrough, and to move on. I know He has much for me to do and much to give me (not just tangible things) and that I can receive none of it nor do any of what He wants me to do as long as I am holding on to the smelly trash that keeps me far from the presence of my Savior! I long to lovingly lay at His feet and bask in the presence of His Spirit! And by His Grace, I will.

To think one day, the atmosphere, our flesh, this world, will no longer separate us from laying at his feet. We will be able to lay there and hear Him speak words of love and adoration for us, as we also speak those words back to Him. As much as I love Jesus now, I wonder if my heart will explode at the depth of love when I see Him face to face? Will I stand in His presence or to my knees will I fall? Will I sing hallelujah? Will I be able to speak at all? I can only imagine!

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