Drained and going through the motions. As much as I know about God, as much as I love Christ, I still feel empty.
I want more and yet, I feel dry. I want to feel the fire/power/presence of the Holy Spirit in and upon my life.
I don't want a mediocre walk with Christ and that is exactly what I feel at this point.
I open my Bible and I look at the pages, nothing stirs me.
Where is my passion, my zeal, my hunger?
I know we are not to envy or covet, but have you ever looked at a persons walk with the Lord and wanted
that same drive they have for the Lord? I know we all go through different things that drive us to the Lord
and I don't necessarily want to go through what they've been through. I do, however, want to know God so
passionately that it's written & etched all over my heart and face.
Lord, I want You. I want to know You. I want every fiber of my being to want you passionately and be on fire
for you. I want to be so thirsty for you that it is quenched by nothing else but you.
The more my heart cries out for that, the more fear comes upon me. I've always had this fear that the more I
seek after God or want Him, the more opportunity for bad things to come in my life or lives of those I love so that
God can then use that to draw me closer to Him.
I do know that God can and does sometimes use the hardships in our lives to draw us closer to Him, but
I'm always afraid that the more I seek Him the more disaster in my life.
I know this may sound crazy to many, I know this is a lie from the enemy. I know that God is love!
I want to have that child like faith that believes and trust in God and His goodness, not think of Him as some big
bad wolf waiting around the bend to make my life a living hell.
I KNOW this sounds crazy. Why would a loving God cause or allow bad things to happen just so He can draw one
closer to Him? And yet again, as crazy as this sounds and with all that God has done for me and all that He has
been to me and for me, you would think it foolish for me to believe this lie.
I want to be free from this lie. I want to be free from the enemy.