Today my baby sister will be getting married. Kinda reminds me of when I got married almost 17 years ago. Mom was not able to be there physically for me when I married and neither will she be there for my sister when she says I do either.
Moments like today and Christmas, and I'm positive others to come, will make us reflect back on who our mother really was. She was a giant....one whose shoes none of us will ever be able to fill. She never saw herself as strong or worthy, but if she only knew...we all looked to her for strength just so we could hold on and move forward.
They say this will get easier. She was our best friend, I don't know if that's possible for it to get easier. When my brother and then father passed away, it was sad and it hurt and yes over the years it did get easier. Those two were my best friends as well, but none of them like my mother. I think it's different when it's a mother. Those heart strings begin to be knitted and tied together long before birth. So when you lose a mother, it feels like you have just fallen into an abyss.
Tomorrow will mark the beginning of a new year. A new year without either of my parents. A new year I must learn to grow up even more. A new year that I must try to hold on to so many memories and yet pass on so many things to my children from their grandparents. A new year to lean on God a little bit more, trust Him even more, and call on Him a lot more.
No grand celebration for our family. We are thankful and blessed for a new year, but this is also the year of so many unwanted changes.
We love you mom, we wouldn't want you back on this side of heaven simply because we can only imagine the joy, peace, and love you must feel now. One day, we too will be on that side of heaven with you and we'll fully understand your joy.