I've lost it...

My mojo that is.  I've lost my mojo for several things, baking, cooking, sewing, and if I go on and on, I just may depress someone.  I've no idea where it went nor when I lost it, but I do know it's gone.  For how long?  I do not know.  I miss it.  My get up and go has got up and gone.  I've lost it before but only for a few days.  This is dragging on a bit over a month now.

What do you do when you've lost your mojo?  Also my father's birthday would be next Friday and I'm wondering if that has anything to do with it.  I seriously don't know.  I do know I miss both my dad and my mom something fierce and I really just wish I could pick up the phone and call both of them.  sigh...

What's going on in your neck of the woods?

It's been a day

Today marks 1 year that my mother has been home with the Lord.  This entire week has been an emotional roller coaster, as I could replay words, steps, thoughts, and moments that led up to this point in 2009.
I've wanted to give up and walk away, but God.  If not for Him keeping me, I KNOW I would not have made it.
My children and I went to the DFW National Cemetery.  The first time we've been back since last year for her funeral.  My son stayed in the car, so it was just me and the girls.  It was not easy, but I'm glad we did it.  Even after my tears and such, I wondered would I return there?  Would I put flowers down again?  My mother is not there.  She is present with the Lord.
As we were driving back home, I was trying to figure out what we would do as a celebration of her life each year.  Here is what I came up with... we will release a balloon for each year that she has been with Jesus and light a candle at 5 pm, which is the time that the family gathered in preparation of removing her from life support.  I don't know if I will ever go back to the cemetery, but I will celebrate what a marvelous woman she was!!!!

Thankful Thursday -Fellowship

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!

Today and every day I am so grateful for dear friends and fellowship.  There is just something about getting together with like minded friends and sharing your day with them.

We had no plans for Thanksgiving, my oldest sister went out of town, my youngest sister went to her in-loves home and me and my children were going to just hang out here at home together.  I planned our menu, not a lot.  Bought the groceries needed.  And prepared my mind and body to just relax and enjoy the day with my kiddos.  Then we got the invitation.  We totally LOVE this family.  They have become like family to us.  There are 11 children and truth be told I can't remember whose name goes with who until I get there and see all the faces! LOL ;-)  But I love them all the same.

So, our dinner we cooked on Wednesday so that we could have it on Friday...no need cooking on a day I could be sewing! LOL
We also made a few things to take to our friends.  We'll be back later this evening and hopefully we'll have some great pics for me to post.

Another thing that makes me so grateful for this family...they have been there for me an my children from the moment my mother was in the hospital last year.  This her 3rd year without her mother and my 1st year without mine.  We are kindred spirits in more ways than one.

Thinking of how she has been my rock over this past year, I'm grateful to all the rocks in my life!  You women ROCK!!!!!  Thank you for pouring into me even when you were down. Thank you for lifting me in prayer and covering my family as well.  Thank you for inspiring me to do better, live righteous, seek God, and serve my family.  Seriously, YOU ROCK!!!!

Weary...Depression...Blessings...

And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. Galatians 6:9

Sadly, this is where I find myself today.  Among the praise, the provisions, the blessings...I find myself weary with our housing situation.  We still don't have a deadline and I am ever thankful for that.  We still have a roof over our heads and that is a blessing all on its own.
I'm one of those people that likes to have all my ducks in order and the limbo setting is nerve racking to me.  One of those, if I at least knew we would have a home to move into soon, then I'd have at least one answer.  I could move my mind to something else.

I know God hears me, I know the answer is already done in heaven and must come forth on earth.  I'm in the phase of wondering "how long"?  Everything just seems to be in limbo and I don't do well without stability and routine.  I'm wondering if I am out of the Will of God because I have no peace, only chaos and uncertainty.

I'm also dealing with some depression.  I feel it creeping in slowly.  I've been doing my best to think of the months in numbers and not names, but then someone reminded me that this is November and with that came the realization that we are coming up on the 1st Thanksgiving without my mom and then just weeks later the 1st yr. of her death.  I'm dreading it all and I'm wishing these months would just vanish away for this year.

With all of that going on, we have been blessed beyond measure in the last few weeks.  People from all over have blessed us with prayers, finances, and kind words.  I am so thankful for each of them.  This is what the body of Christ is supposed to look like!!!  To see the outpouring from so many has been mind boggling.  I can't even grasp a full understanding of it all.  Thank you just seems so inadequate to express how I feel.  My heart is overwhelmed.  Yet, I praise God for each of you!!!!

Ok, off to kinda think of some gifts for my sisters for Christmas.  I'm thinking lap quilts with some of the scraps I have around here or maybe matching napkins and placemats.  Any ideas?

Happy Birthday Momma!

 She will forever be the queen of my heart. Today she would have been 68 years old and though she is not here for me to tell her Happy Birthday, the feelings are still the same. I miss her more than ever.
If your mom is alive, don't take these moments for granted. If you can't get to her to hug her, at least call her and tell her how much you love her. Don't let a moment pass that you will later regret, cherish her now...time is much too short and gone before you know it.
Mom, I can't believe you are gone, I can't believe I can't walk out my door and see you piddling with your flowers, I can't believe I can't hear your voice or see your smile. Your name was only a glimpse into the jewel that you were. It's been a hard 10 months without you, but I thank you for the YOU I see in us! Your legacy will forever live on and we will always remember to Keep God First!!!!


She was a jewel, FAR ABOVE RUBIES!!!!  She often wondered why her mother named her Ruby (her mother died when she was just 18 months old).  I believe her mother saw the priceless gem that she was.  I'm sure when she met her on Dec. 9, 2009, she asked her.  What a joy that must have been.  


There are so many things I cherish about her.  She loved to live life and she lived it to the fullest.  She was a classy lady!  Her style was all her own and she wowed folks with her cooking!  Man, I can taste all my favorites now.  She was a mom to many all over the world.  Everyone she met would call her momma and she never hesitated to invite them into our home.  For years I said I was looking for that Titus 2 Woman in my life...I missed it, she was there all along.  Now as I look back to how she welcomed people in our home, fed them, nurtured them, and cared for them...she was modeling hospitality.  She wasn't afraid to share Jesus and often said Put God First, though she didn't learn until later in life exactly what that meant or how to do it.  


She was beautiful!  I loved to see peoples faces when they found out how old she was.  HA she never looked her age.  The picture below was her last birthday before she passed...doesn't look a day of 67!  I always thought it funny to watch the men stare at my momma and she never looked back, just kept right on walking as though she didn't notice.  There was never a woman as beautiful to me as she was.  


I love/loved her beyond measure.  I often pray she knew that!  I don't think I said it enough or showed her enough.  I didn't realize time would be so short.  
After losing my brother to Aids, she said she had lost too many children in death and didn't want to lose anymore, we were to bury her, not her bury her children.  Not long after that statement, she went home to be with the Lord.  
No more pain, no more tears, just shouts of joy and laughter!  One day we'll see her again, but until then, she's watching over us and I believe she would be pleased.

RUBY

THE JEWEL IN MY HEART

In honor of my mother, I've launched my Etsy shop.  If you will be a new mother or need a gift for a new mother to be, please consider purchasing one of my items.  There will be several items.  At the moment Nursing Cover ups, but soon I will add burp cloths, bibs, snugglies, crib sheets, and crib quilts.  Check back often!!!!  Blessings

One More Day

I can't believe the time is so near.  Two days from today, my mother would have turned 69 years old and in honor of her, I am opening my Etsy shop on her birthday.  This is very exciting and sad all at the same time.  How I desperately wish she could have been here to see and hear about this adventure I'm embarking upon.  This year has been full of stepping out on faith for me and I just wish I could share it with her.

Sooooooooo, the next few days and weeks will be a bit hectic, I'm sure.  Tomorrow I will be selecting a winner for my giveaway.  This item will make a perfect gift for one of your expecting friends or a great addition to your baby items.  

I have completely enjoyed making the items I will list tomorrow.  I've prayed over each item and the person that will receive them as I've sewn them.  I pray they will be a blessing to all.  

Get READY, Get SET, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ;-)

New Years Eve - Morning

Today my baby sister will be getting married.  Kinda reminds me of when I got married almost 17 years ago.  Mom was not able to be there physically for me when I married and neither will she be there for my sister when she says I do either.

Moments like today and Christmas, and I'm positive others to come, will make us reflect back on who our mother really was.  She was a giant....one whose shoes none of us will ever be able to fill.  She never saw herself as strong or worthy, but if she only knew...we all looked to her for strength just so we could hold on and move forward.

They say this will get easier.  She was our best friend, I don't know if that's possible for it to get easier.  When my brother and then father passed away, it was sad and it hurt and yes over the years it did get easier.  Those two were my best friends as well, but none of them like my mother.  I think it's different when it's a mother.  Those heart strings begin to be knitted and tied together long before birth.  So when you lose a mother, it feels like you have just fallen into an abyss.

Tomorrow will mark the beginning of a new year.  A new year without either of my parents.  A new year I must learn to grow up even more.  A new year that I must try to hold on to so many memories and yet pass on so many things to my children from their grandparents.  A new year to lean on God a little bit more, trust Him even more, and call on Him a lot more.
No grand celebration for our family.  We are thankful and blessed for a new year, but this is also the year of so many unwanted changes.

We love you mom, we wouldn't want you back on this side of heaven simply because we can only imagine the joy, peace, and love you must feel now.  One day, we too will be on that side of heaven with you and we'll fully understand your joy.

God Bless...

Monday Morning....8:33

The doctor didn't get to check on mom this morning, he had to rush off to another surgery.

We have learned that paralysis and brain damage are one of possible things that could happen as a result of the surgery.  We know she is not paralyzed but the fact that she is not waking up and not responding is what concerns us and the doctors.

She is scheduled for an MRI at 10 this morning.  Prayerfully we will have some answers.

I think the hardest part is the not knowing.  Not having answers allows your mind to wander.
Still it's all in the Saviors hands.

Mom

It's after midnight and my husband and I are camping out in the hospital waiting area.  We are all too fearful of going to far from the hospital so we are taking turns being "with mom".  We can't go to her room after 10pm and she's still in ICU.

She has yet to respond as they want her to.  She has reflexes but is not following the simple commands they are giving her.  The doctors concern is possible brain damage.

We never thought we'd be on this journey.  It's rather hard to believe.
Our last words to one another were over the phone as they were rushing her to surgery.  She said to me, don't worry, I'll be ok.  I love you.  To which I responded I love you too.

It's scary to think that those may be the final words I heard from my mom and yet comforting too.  There are still so many words left unsaid.  So many things she asked me to do and I never seemed to have any time.  So much I took for granted.

Lord, please give the doctors wisdom.  Help us to not fear but trust.  Keep my mother in your hands and let her know You are near.