Hello 2011

We attended church for New Year's Eve and brought in the New Year with lots of laughter, praise, worship, and truth.  I have to say this has been my most memorable one yet.  I worshipped and as we sang, God allowed me to "hear" the words and see 2010 flash before my eyes.  All  the times I thought there was no way I'd make it and yet He kept me.  The thought of living without my mother and He carried me.  The trials and struggles with finances and He provided for us.  2010 was a year loaded with testimonies to who God is.

As a church family, at the beginning of 2010, we dedicated the year to Knowing Who God Is.  Little did I know that it would literally play out in my life.  Towards the end of 2010 we studied the names of God.  Through the names of God we get to see God's character.  Little did I know that I would literally get to see His character in every facet of my life, thus getting to know the names of God first hand.

During the last week of 2010, I read someone's blog and they were speaking of their goal for 2011.  At that moment, I thought very cynically, I'm still trying to make it through 2010 and you're asking what my goal is for 2011????  However, as we were sitting in church and listening to the teaching, I knew immediately what my goal for 2011 would be...A year of No Worries.  Matthew 6:32-34...The Gentiles (unsaved) worry about the things in life.  We as Christians have a Heavenly Father that already knows we need those things in life.  He just asks that we focus on Him first.  As Pastor Evans said it, put His Kingdom (His authority) and His Righteousness (His standards) first above any and every thing, and HE will add all the things (everything we need) to our lives.  What's so awesome is, not only will He add the things we need, but He'll even throw in some of the things we want!!!  He then went on to say, not to worry about tomorrow for it's got enough trouble of its own.  And truthfully, if we are focusing on God's Kingdom and Righteousness for TODAY, then tomorrow never comes, because tomorrow will always be today.  THAT was my ahhhhhhaaaaaaa moment.  In 2010 I focused on so many tomorrows.... in 2011, I want to focus on my todays and let God deal with my tomorrows.

In the beginning of 2010 I was filled with so much grief over my mother's death and the betrayal of my husband walking out again.  Though I am still grieving, this year I look forward to each day seeing what God will do in my life as He continues to draw me closer to Him.  I know He has great things in store for me and my children.

New Years Eve - Morning

Today my baby sister will be getting married.  Kinda reminds me of when I got married almost 17 years ago.  Mom was not able to be there physically for me when I married and neither will she be there for my sister when she says I do either.

Moments like today and Christmas, and I'm positive others to come, will make us reflect back on who our mother really was.  She was a giant....one whose shoes none of us will ever be able to fill.  She never saw herself as strong or worthy, but if she only knew...we all looked to her for strength just so we could hold on and move forward.

They say this will get easier.  She was our best friend, I don't know if that's possible for it to get easier.  When my brother and then father passed away, it was sad and it hurt and yes over the years it did get easier.  Those two were my best friends as well, but none of them like my mother.  I think it's different when it's a mother.  Those heart strings begin to be knitted and tied together long before birth.  So when you lose a mother, it feels like you have just fallen into an abyss.

Tomorrow will mark the beginning of a new year.  A new year without either of my parents.  A new year I must learn to grow up even more.  A new year that I must try to hold on to so many memories and yet pass on so many things to my children from their grandparents.  A new year to lean on God a little bit more, trust Him even more, and call on Him a lot more.
No grand celebration for our family.  We are thankful and blessed for a new year, but this is also the year of so many unwanted changes.

We love you mom, we wouldn't want you back on this side of heaven simply because we can only imagine the joy, peace, and love you must feel now.  One day, we too will be on that side of heaven with you and we'll fully understand your joy.

God Bless...