Today, God spoke a word to me. I'm going through a tough financial time right now. My last paycheck at my former job should have been enough to pay all my bills for the month of September. However, when I opened the envelope on Friday, the check was for a whopping $1.56!!! Immediately I began to panic and I went into a deep depression quickly. I have over $1500 in bills + food/gas for the month of September and no money until October. I seriously don't know what I will do......
During service each Sunday morning, we partake of communion. We have the opportunity to bow in prayer, worship, go to the alter, kneel at our seat; it's your time with the Lord how best you see fit. Sometimes I kneel, sometimes I bow, sometimes I'm completely in worship, it varies. Today, I was impressed by the Lord to kneel. My time began as crying out to God and I began seeking forgiveness of sins, but it quickly went to the whoa is me pity party. Suddenly the Lord said...Why are you so downcast? I have given you exactly what you asked for. Immediately I stopped praying and just continued to kneel. He said you wanted to be closer to me. You asked for a new heart. You asked to be changed from the inside out. You said you wanted to be more like Me. You said you wanted My light to shine in and through you. You asked for these things and then when I begin to give them to you, you cry out in dispare and fear. It is through the tough times that I refine you as you seek Me and learn to trust me and walk with me through the situations. I am with you always, but it's in the valleys that I am closest to you. I know your entire life from beginning to end. I know everything there is to know about you, these things are no shock to me, only to you. These things are just the sketches of the big picture of your life that I have already orchestrated. This is where you decrease so that I may increase.
Tears began to stream down my face more quickly. YES, I did pray for this. I just had no idea how things would play out when I asked for it. We sometimes pray for things and we have these ideas and notions about how things will work out and of course we see things that are pretty much rosey. I saw this awesome and amazing walk with the Lord and it WILL be just that, but in the meantime, I have to go through the fires and waters (Isaiah 43:2).
May I say I am afraid, I've been honest with God and He knows my fears even if I never spoke it. I don't know how things will pan out for this month nor next, but I know that God made promises to me as well as to all believers. He will never leave me. He will provide for my needs. He is with me. He loves me. He cares for my needs more than any other person on this earth.
I've admired the faith of George Mueller since I read about him to the children almost 5 1/2 years ago. I've even had times where God instructed me to keep my mouth closed and only pray to Him about our needs. He honored those prayers and answered every one of them and then some that were never even spoken. So begins my stretching, reshaping, and pouring my heart out to Him.
If He loved me enough to die for my sins before I was ever born and committed a single one, won't He and doesn't He love me enough to see to the needs I have in my life?