4/10/2012

The Throne of My Heart

How do I take me off the throne of my heart and ask God to occupy His rightful place on the throne of my heart when I'm filled with such pride?
Many would say it's easy, confess, repent, believe, have faith, trust, etc.
I submit to you that sometimes it's really NOT that easy.  Oh how I want it to be, but when I ask myself some hard questions, I realize that this is a battle I can't fight on my own.
My sweet friend shared a quote with me from Facing the Giants between the husband and the wife.  He asked her "Will you still love Him if He never gives us a child?"
For my friend, she said before she couldn't answer because she was angry, but now she can say yes!!!! regarding her situation.
As for me, I wrote it out and I'm truly pondering it.
Would I still love Him if He never removes the financial burdens, never restores my marriage and family, never turns my children's hearts to completely surrender and walk with Him, never restores the relationships between me and my children, never gives me a job, I'm never to be a stay at home wife/mother again, never allows us to move to a "better" & "more fitting" place?
Sad to say I am struggling with this right now and I see the pride in it all.  I see that I have dethroned God from my heart and put myself in His place.
I'm not even pondering so much right now HOW this happened, but WHAT is hindering me from removing myself and putting God back in His rightful place in my heart and life.
And just in the brief moment I have paused to ask God to reveal it to me, I got this...
I'm angry because my life has not turned out the way I expected it to.  My hopes and dreams weren't fulfilled as I had planned.  My desires have all been for naught and I'm angry, bitter, and resentful, and sorely disappointed.
to be continued............

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