I Want To Live...

2012 Wasn't as good to me or for me as I had hoped.  It started off well and then things just began to go downhill.  I can't tell you how many times I threw in the towel and asked God to just take me.  Not that I wanted to die, just that I wanted the pain to stop.  Well, there is still a lot of pain, but as I think over all the things I'd like to do and accomplish in this life, I realize that I REALLY want to live.  I'm not ready to die, there is soooo much I want to do.   

 I've spent the last 7 1/2 years holding on to pain and hurt and heart ache.  But I'm ready to let that go and move forward.  I've had a failed marriage, but I don't want to give up on love.  I've hit rock bottom financially and basically in every area of my life.  I think God had to allow that so He could get my attention.  I'm beginning to dream again and hope again.  I'm beginning to live again!!

I've been looking out for everyone else these last few years.  It's time to do some living for me.  Not to neglect others, but to in fact take care of me.  If I spend all my time taking care of others and do nothing for myself, I quickly burn out until there is nothing left of me.  While I believe God wants us to be servants to others, I also believe (now) that He wants us to care for ourselves as well. 

So for a change I am actually looking forward to the new year.  I'm anticipating great things and new beginnings.  I'm looking forward to getting on my feet and making the rest of my life all that God intended it to be.  I've taken life for granted.  I don't want to get to heaven and see all that I could have had and all that I could have done and gave up because of the trials and tribulations that took place in my life. 

Yes I have hurt, yes I am hurting, but I want to move past those hurts and heal and I want to help others to heal as well.  I want to smile, laugh, dance, dress up, take pictures, and embrace life far beyond all that I can imagine or think!  Life is a gift I've taken for granted for far too long.  I'm truly ready to live!!!!!!

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