Sometimes I feel like there is so much on my plate. I seriously would like to give some of it back. In a two month time period, my entire world has been rocked and there seems to be no letting up.
I feel like my WALK is challenged on every end, at every moment. I daily feel the weight of this world and life on my shoulders. I'm constantly reminded that I cannot carry this load on my own.
To many, I may sound like I'm giving up, taking the easy way, the broad path. I assure you, I am not. Some may say I am leaving my children out to take on the wolves themselves. Again, I am not.
What I am doing, however, is taking a step back and regrouping and retraining my own focus on the Lord. How can I be an example if my walk is shaky?
I'm also putting something back in my husbands lap...the spiritual welfare of our family. This load was NEVER meant for the woman to carry. The burden was to solely be the mans, with the woman coming along side him. I feel that as long as I carry the load, my husband will continue to allow me to do just that.
I can still assign certain books to be read and scriptures to meditate on for school and the children's daily quiet time, but family devotions will be up to my husband.
I know it may sound foolish to some, but none walk in my shoes. If I continue to be a crutch to him, he will continue to use me to hobble on. I don't want that for him, me, or our children. We've all got to see him gain his strength and his own momentum in his spiritual life.
Please join with me in prayer and fasting if you feel led, that God will move in his heart, that he would have a hunger and thirst for the things of God. That he would become so dissatisfied with anything less. That God would speak to him about the spiritual state of his life as well as our family.
Please also lift me up, as this is VERY scary for me. I've been the head of my home for 4 years and to begin to let things go is not easy.