3/04/2010

Me being honest

May I be honest with you?  It’s been a while since I’ve picked up
my Bible just to read it and not been in church.  It’s sad to say that
these things happen, but after the death of my father and the issues
with my husband, I went through a period of not picking up my Bible.  I
just didn’t know where to meet God at in the Word, but I did do A LOT
of praying during that time.  Sadly this time after my mother’s
passing proved to be no different.  I’ve picked up my Bible and gone
to church.  Picked it up during our sparse family devotion times.
However, I’ve not had a quiet time with just my Lord in the Word in a
long, long, time.  Like I said, I’ve spent many hours in prayer
though. 

Yesterday, I decided to pick up my Bible and read.  The Lord didn’t
prompt me to a certain passage or book, in fact as I was driving in to
work I decided to begin reading
Psalms and Proverbs again which coincides with the days date. 

So, I get in early enough that in my suite there is only me.  I asked
God to speak to me through His Word.  There are so many things that are
heavy upon my heart and when I begin to pray for them or through them, I
get overwhelmed and basically melt down to tears. 
My question before reading these scriptures was…Lord where are You?  I
feel like I’m going through so much again and I can’t seem to see
where You are in all of this and yet I know You are there.  I wish You
would just cover me and protect me from all the hurts and pains I’m
feeling, all the uncertainties, all the feelings of rejection.

In yesterdays reading, here are a few things God spoke to me:
Ps. 3:3 - You, O Lord, are a shield about me, My glory and the One who
lifts my head.
Ps. 33:20 - Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our
shield.
Ps. 63:8 - My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.
Ps. 123:1 - To You I lift up my eyes…
Ps. 123:2 - …so our eyes look to the Lord our God, until He is gracious
to us.


In Today’s reading, I again said Lord, I need to hear from You.  Your
Words coming off of someone else’s lips just won’t do in a time like
this, I need to hear from You. 
I’ve not quite finished with today’s reading because I was a little
late for work, but at this moment, this is what I’m holding on to…
Ps. 34:10 - …they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good
thing.

I’ve been praying about my finances and the bills I’m faced with
yet again as a single mother and began to feel overwhelmed.  I don’t
understand why I’m in this place that I’m in, why I’m brought so
low (except for humility), but Lord I’ll trust you to provide what we
need.  I asked for forgiveness, because once again I didn’t tithe to
pay bills and all of them still won’t get paid.  Talk about a vicious
cycle!!!! 

Even through it all, I’ve seen that God is indeed faithful and that
His love for me is ever so strong and deep. 

Please be in prayer for me and my girls as we attend a retreat this
weekend very near our home.  Nancy Campbell will be speaking and it is
always such a joy to hear her rich teaching of the things God has laid
on her heart for mothers, wives, women, daughters, and families.  We are
excited!!!

Blessings…


1 comment:

L said...

Hi,
What you wrote about is very normal during grief. Praying that the Lord will encourage you this weekend.
L.

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