So I did the reading portion of Ephesians 1 and have been mulling it over for several days. I then reread it a couple of more times. However, through answering the questions today something jumped out at me.
First off, I am not adopted. I was born into my family and have remained within that family ever since. In the last few years, not including my natural family, I have felt like an orphan....unwanted. Pushed aside and searching for someone to love me for just me. I thought that when I married I had finally arrived into this family that wanted me with all my flaws. (again I am not speaking of my family I was born into, I know they love and want me). Then I was abandoned, thrown out as yesterdays garbage, discarded like an unwanted item. I felt useless and even dirty. You know, something must be wrong with me to be pushed aside.
I had been saved for some years at that point, but my growth had been stunted. I didn't truly know who He was nor Whose I was. I remember crying out one night asking God who loved me and begging Him for someone who loved me just for me. I went to sleep and at some point through the night I had a vision. This man whom I only saw from behind was cloaked in this bright garment. He was holding this small, little, vulnerable girl in His lap and He was rocking her. He was wiping her tears away and whispering to her that He loved her. Over and over His words echoed "I Love You"..."I Love you just for who you are". She snuggled up close to Him and looked up in His face and drifted off to sleep.
I awoke with a start, not sure what that dream was about and headed to the restroom. As I walked, trying to understand who He was and who she was, the revelation hit me and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I fell to the floor on my knees and cried like a baby. That was Jesus and that little girl was me!!!!! He allowed me, to climb into His lap and He held me and rocked me and whispered His love over me. I was His. I was His. I am His.
I've never been adopted by an earthly family, but I know what it is to be adopted. He adopted filthy, dirty me. He with all His cleanness and perfection wiped the grime from me and cleaned me up, but before all that, He put me in His lap and said just as you are, I love you. I want you. You are Mine!!!!
I have my moments now and again where I feel so abandoned and alone, but all I have to do is remember that He adopted me. He wanted me in all my mess. He looked at me and saw beauty when others saw flaws. He cradled me close when others pushed me away. He became my everything in those next few months and I've held on to that ever since. When people ask me to describe God to them, I can't give some educated answer, it's not witty, it's just real. He is everything to me. I know I've said it before in a blog post, but my oh my, when you realize that EVERYTHING you were looking for HE IS...you'll shout it from the roof tops, you'll share it with anyone, the knowledge and understanding of it will shine forth from your smile.
This journey has not been easy. I've hated it most of the time. I long for a companion and friend. But oh the joy, the joy that my heart sings....because without this journey, I would not have discovered that all I could ever want and had ever dreamed of He is. That Knight on the white horse I dreamed of as a girl, coming to take me away to live happily ever after...that's Him. He was there all the time. He was waiting on me to realize it. He stood by and waited. He knew it would happen, He predistined it you know (Eph. 1:5). And then the day came, as I saw me through His eyes. That frail, dirty, little girl, sitting in His lap. In that moment, He became mine, because you see I was His all along.
I sing that song Oh How I Love Jesus with new meaning!!!!
I could go on and on with the revelation of who God has become and is becoming to me, but there are not enough hours in the day for me to speak of His goodness. If you don't know Him through this adoption, I pray He reveals Himself and your heart is soft enough to accept Him. He's standing there waiting on you!