11/10/2010

Wednesday Morning Ramblings

I'm just warning you now that what I am about to say is various thoughts going on in my head right now.  They may or may not make any sense, but they are important to me! ;-)

Last night during our family devotions...We are using Nancy Leigh Demoss' online Habakkuk study...she brought up many valid and insightful thoughts.  I've been thinking on them through out the night and well into today and even this morning during my quiet time.

She spoke about our timing not being God's timing and that He has an appointed time for everything.  He sees the bigger picture and knows just when the timing is right for various things He has planned in our lives.  She also said that whatever you are going through, whatever the circumstances, it will not last forever!!!!!!  Hallelujah

HE WILL FINISH MY STORY!!!

I began to ponder my post from Monday.  It was a rough day, so many doubts, fears, sadness, depression, and anger began to creep in.  I knew full well that it was an attack from the enemy, but I'm blessed to say that though the attacks come, they don't last as long as they used to.  A dear friend of the family shared the words to a song with me and I immediately found the song on my ipod and played it over and over.  The first time it was playing, I think I got maybe 2 minutes into the song and my spirits began to lift as I began to praise the Lord!  Immediate transformation began to take place as I praised my DADDY!  
As I began to ponder what Nancy Leigh Demoss was saying and my blog post, I could see things from a different perspective...I was seeing things through God's point of view.  I spoke of getting weary, however, God wants me to endure and be patient.  His plans and purposes for my life will come in His time.  I need to remain hopeful and faithful while waiting on the Lord.  it will surely come, it will not delay.  It seems like there is a delay to me because I'm in the mix of it.  I am also human and I want what I want, when I want it and I want it now.  Isn't that how most of us are?  We pray about something and after a few days or weeks we get weary in praying because we figure something should have happened by now!  OUCH, OUCH, OUCH as I step on my own toes.  Then when nothing happens we take matters into our own hands.  We figure we can help God out!
Can I get an amen!  I know it to be true in my own life, so I'll just speak for me!

This spoke to me on so many levels, my kids, my housing situation, my marital circumstances.

You know I'm as honest as I can be on my blog, so I'm just gonna confess it now...I already confessed it to God anyways, I'm not trying to hide from anyone.  I STOPPED praying for my husband LONG, LONG ago.  Yep, sure did.  Saw nothing new happening, don't know where he is now, no idea if the Lord is working on his heart, so I stopped.  Why pray for something or someone that is not changing?  Yet God has something else in mind.  I must continue to pray whether I see something happening or not.  1000 years is but 1 day to God.  I long for relationship, companionship, love, you know all that stuff that comes with marriage.  I want it.  I don't believe I was one of those God intended to remain single, but in this season that is just where I am.  I don't know what God's plans are.  I don't know if He will ever allow my husband to come back.  I don't know if I will get word from his family that he has passed away one day and thus God opens the door for a new relationship.  I don't know what He's going to do or how He's going to do it, but I do know He's up to something.  I do know that my happiness should never come at the expense of obedience to the Word.  It's hard at times, because the easy road would be to divorce, court, and remarry.  However, God has not opened that door for me.  He has not released me from this marriage.  I don't know if He ever will either and honestly, that's a hard road to travel.  In the end, I know He is using this time to speak to my heart and retrain my thought process and transform my life.

Will I feel this way a week from now?  Probably not, but I know God will continue to lead me back to this until it becomes so ingrained in me that it literally becomes natural to me.  He wants me to do just as Psalm 37:3-7 says; Trust in Jehovah, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.  Delight thyself also in Jehovah; and He will give thee the desires of thy heart.  Commit thy way unto Jehovah; Trust also in Him, and He will bring it to pass.  And He will make thy righteousness to go forth as the light, and thy justice as the noon-day.  Rest in Jehovah, and wait patiently for Him...

I know one day my heart will reflect that of the Father, until then I am striving for it.
Jesus You Are...


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