Some have written with great concern over my last entry. I want to say that this is not the first time I have been in a dark spot. This just happened to be a VERY dark spot in my life. In each dark spot (there have only been 2), I knew that God was with me and that this was something I had to go through in order to get to another level that God was taking me.
I can now rejoice, even though those times were rough, ugly and extremely dark, my God brought me through. He would not allow me to call anyone or confide in anyone. He walked with me in this time, even though I felt alone. I clearly recall a moment while sitting on my bed in the "dark" that as long as I called the name of Jesus, I felt His presence even in the oppression. It was when I stopped calling His name that I felt so utterly alone. Needless to say, I cried myself to sleep calling on the name of Jesus.
There is just something about that name!!!!
Anyway, please don't be overly concerned in that I will harm myself, I won't. I trust that God has held me in His hands and will continue to do so, even when He allows me to go to the darkest of pits. I feel it is for the benefit of others that I am allowed to venture into the pit. Thankfully it has only been twice. But since I have voiced a desire to be a pastors wife and to counsel other wives, as well as to go on mission trips, I know I have to go through some things in order to not only be a testimony for others, but to also know where they are coming from and help them through.
God is good and more than able to conquer the enemy who has no power. My God is able to do more than I can imagine and I fully expect that! ;->
Continue to pray for me as I go along on this journey. I know God will work it out in the end and it will be for His glory. In the meantime, I also know I need to be covered by the blood of Christ and prayers from fellow sisters and brothers in Christ.
7/07/2008
7/03/2008
Darkness/Light
Again I've been through a dark period of depression in my life, but this was darker than any other I have ever experienced in my life.
Let me start back to the week of June 22-28, 2008. I had begun to read a book recommended to me by a friend; Reclaiming Surrendered Ground by Jim Logan. Anyone that knows me, knows I love books and I am a fast reader; however, with this book, it is taking me some time to get through it. Not because it isn't good, on the contrary, it is very good and very eye opening. I haven't been able to read this book as quickly as I am used to because the enemy is doing everything to hinder me from completing it. I truely believe that there will be even more breakthrough for me and my family upon completing this book.
NOWWWWWW, this book talks about how/what we have done to give the enemy a foothold into our lives, what the enemy is after, how he uses each person to get through to the next generation, and then in goes into how to reclaim ground you have surrendered to the enemy and how to help others break free as well. The way I explained it to my children is we have allowed the enemy to have parts of our lives and we have basically said "here you go satan you can have this part of my life, do whatever you wish with it, I give you complete control".
On Monday June 23, 2008, God began to reveal a couple of areas where I had done just that, given the enemy an area in my life to control. I repented, confessed it as sin, and asked God to reign in that area of my life. Tue. morning I woke up and immediately knew I was headed into a state of depression. I also knew that it would be like no other that I had ever experienced.
No matter how many people were around me, on the surface I could fake it, but on the inside I was being tormented. It was getting darker and darker and I began to think of ways to committ suicide. My children were with their father and this would be a good time because they would not be the ones to find me. I had it all thought out and planned. I didn't want to use a gun, it would hurt. I could use pills and just go to sleep, but I had none. I could drive off a bridge on my way to work or on my way home from work, but my sister carpools with me and I couldn't do that to her. I have to tell you the enemy was working over time. He continued to whisper in my ear how bad a person/mother I am. How much of a failure I am. How I had ruined my children's lives. How I had ruined my husbands life. How terrible a mother I was because I couldn't spend time with my children because I have to work. How I would contaminate the people around me. I talked to my children and my oldest daughter evidently heard something in my voice because she continued to ask me if I was ok. I did the best I could to reassure her that I was, but she knew something was not right. But even in talking to them, the enemy taunted me...they even sound happier without you. They are having so much fun, there is no way they are missing you, just let them be in peace without you and have a good life. On and on it went.
Wednesday night I am sitting in the living room, all the lights are on, but all I can see is pitch black total darkness. I recall the lights being on because I turned them on trying to escape from the darkness, but no matter how many lights I turned on, I could not get beyond the blackness I saw. I have experienced depression before, but NEVER anything this dark and oppresive. It was heavy, this weight of darkness that engulfed me. It was the most frightening moment in my life.
I was able to write a journal entry as I sat there: Lord, help me! I want to be free. True freedom. Freedom for the sake of peace. Freedom from tormenting spirits and thoughts. Most of all freedom from depression. I want peace! Joy! Love! I know I'm under attack. I know I'm in a spiritual battle. I fully understand that this is spiritual warfare. Lord if you don't save me from this pit of dispair and depression. I won't be free and I fear what might happen to me. Renew my mind. Help me to fill my thoughts with Your Words. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit. Save Me! I want to be free!
Wednesday was scary. I was terrified and yet I had since enough to call on the name of Jesus. This darkness continued well until Sun. One night I asked for my nephew to spend the night because I was so afraid of what I might do.
Sunday we went to church and Pastor Evans was speaking on "Begging for a Blessing". What we are really looking for is a blessing. We don't have a blessing to pass down to our children or speak over them because we ourselves have never been blessed. He then prayed for the men and declared a blessing over them, He did this for the women and the children as well. He had the parents pray a blessing over their children also. It was at this time that I began to feel refreshed and light. The darkness began to lift and I began to hope.
What happened to me is/was not some science fiction. It was real! I know why I haven't been able to read this book as quickly as I am used to. The enemy doesn't want me to be free, because through my freedom I will also know how to lead my children and others to freedom. And this my friends is why the enemy doesn't want me to read the book to the end.
More to come as I go through the journey of reading this book and walking with my Lord and Savior.
Let me start back to the week of June 22-28, 2008. I had begun to read a book recommended to me by a friend; Reclaiming Surrendered Ground by Jim Logan. Anyone that knows me, knows I love books and I am a fast reader; however, with this book, it is taking me some time to get through it. Not because it isn't good, on the contrary, it is very good and very eye opening. I haven't been able to read this book as quickly as I am used to because the enemy is doing everything to hinder me from completing it. I truely believe that there will be even more breakthrough for me and my family upon completing this book.
NOWWWWWW, this book talks about how/what we have done to give the enemy a foothold into our lives, what the enemy is after, how he uses each person to get through to the next generation, and then in goes into how to reclaim ground you have surrendered to the enemy and how to help others break free as well. The way I explained it to my children is we have allowed the enemy to have parts of our lives and we have basically said "here you go satan you can have this part of my life, do whatever you wish with it, I give you complete control".
On Monday June 23, 2008, God began to reveal a couple of areas where I had done just that, given the enemy an area in my life to control. I repented, confessed it as sin, and asked God to reign in that area of my life. Tue. morning I woke up and immediately knew I was headed into a state of depression. I also knew that it would be like no other that I had ever experienced.
No matter how many people were around me, on the surface I could fake it, but on the inside I was being tormented. It was getting darker and darker and I began to think of ways to committ suicide. My children were with their father and this would be a good time because they would not be the ones to find me. I had it all thought out and planned. I didn't want to use a gun, it would hurt. I could use pills and just go to sleep, but I had none. I could drive off a bridge on my way to work or on my way home from work, but my sister carpools with me and I couldn't do that to her. I have to tell you the enemy was working over time. He continued to whisper in my ear how bad a person/mother I am. How much of a failure I am. How I had ruined my children's lives. How I had ruined my husbands life. How terrible a mother I was because I couldn't spend time with my children because I have to work. How I would contaminate the people around me. I talked to my children and my oldest daughter evidently heard something in my voice because she continued to ask me if I was ok. I did the best I could to reassure her that I was, but she knew something was not right. But even in talking to them, the enemy taunted me...they even sound happier without you. They are having so much fun, there is no way they are missing you, just let them be in peace without you and have a good life. On and on it went.
Wednesday night I am sitting in the living room, all the lights are on, but all I can see is pitch black total darkness. I recall the lights being on because I turned them on trying to escape from the darkness, but no matter how many lights I turned on, I could not get beyond the blackness I saw. I have experienced depression before, but NEVER anything this dark and oppresive. It was heavy, this weight of darkness that engulfed me. It was the most frightening moment in my life.
I was able to write a journal entry as I sat there: Lord, help me! I want to be free. True freedom. Freedom for the sake of peace. Freedom from tormenting spirits and thoughts. Most of all freedom from depression. I want peace! Joy! Love! I know I'm under attack. I know I'm in a spiritual battle. I fully understand that this is spiritual warfare. Lord if you don't save me from this pit of dispair and depression. I won't be free and I fear what might happen to me. Renew my mind. Help me to fill my thoughts with Your Words. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit. Save Me! I want to be free!
Wednesday was scary. I was terrified and yet I had since enough to call on the name of Jesus. This darkness continued well until Sun. One night I asked for my nephew to spend the night because I was so afraid of what I might do.
Sunday we went to church and Pastor Evans was speaking on "Begging for a Blessing". What we are really looking for is a blessing. We don't have a blessing to pass down to our children or speak over them because we ourselves have never been blessed. He then prayed for the men and declared a blessing over them, He did this for the women and the children as well. He had the parents pray a blessing over their children also. It was at this time that I began to feel refreshed and light. The darkness began to lift and I began to hope.
What happened to me is/was not some science fiction. It was real! I know why I haven't been able to read this book as quickly as I am used to. The enemy doesn't want me to be free, because through my freedom I will also know how to lead my children and others to freedom. And this my friends is why the enemy doesn't want me to read the book to the end.
More to come as I go through the journey of reading this book and walking with my Lord and Savior.
6/09/2008
Your Way or HIS Way?
Well,
Before I get into this real good, I have to say, I've learned one thing. When God puts something on my heart to blog (share), I need to do it right then. There was so much I wanted to share from the last 2 nights at FVBS, but fatigue and then packing and moving furniture and boxes into storage; I didn't share and now, I don't know that I can recall all I wanted to share.
However, I do want to share from Sun. service. I think this service hit home for me because I basically had shared some very similar thoughts and words with someone the day before.
Basically, Pastor Evans talked about us doing things our way or God's way. There is this thing called flesh and spirit. Flesh is when we come at things from a human perspective or point of view. This is also known as mans way or secular thinking. We meet our own needs independent of God. Then there is the spirit, which is God's point of view and perspective. We meet our needs depending solely on God.
I used to wonder why a person who says they are a Christian, would get so upset when another Christian would give them God's perspective on a situation. Well, you know pastor explained it right?! The Christian that gets mad is basically a Christian that lives by the flesh, the other is one that lives by the spirit.
Pastor also made a great anology. We go to church on Sun and hear from God's radio station, but Mon - Sat we are listening to the flesh or worlds radio station. The sad thing is we figure we are supposed to be able to function a full and abundant life this way and get mad when we don't. If I'm honest with you and myself, I've been there. I've prayed and prayed "Lord bless me with abundant life". But now I can fully understand why that didn't happen. I was trying to have that abundant life while listening to and following the junk on the worlds radio station, independent of God. This would include decisions I've made about my relationships, finances, etc.
How can we seek answers from a sinful and fallen world and expect to have God's best for our lives? How can we go on our feelings, what makes us feel good, and expect to live a life of joy and peace? It sounds absurd, but we do it every day.
Listening and obeying what God tells us is not always easy. I'll be the first to admit that. We have this body of flesh that is at war with the Spirit. It wants what it wants, but the Spirit says there is no other way to that unspeakable joy.
I'll give you an example: I want my marriage to be restored. I want my family to have a legacy of divorces stopping with me and my husband. We've been to counseling a couple of times, but to no avail. I'm sitting in church and I'm thinking, this is what has been missing all this time. We've gone to "Christian Counseling" but not once have we been instructed, nor dug in the Word for ourselves to see what God has to say about our situation. And if there is one thing I learned yesterday in church, it's that God has His own view on EVERYTHING in your life!!! How can I expect anything to change if I am still confronting it with my feelings or the worlds point of view?
If you are expecting any lasting changes, that abundant life, a life of joy unspeakable, you will have to lay down your will and take His. You will have to get into your Bible and see exactly what God has to say and you can't stop there, you must apply it. It won't be easy, you'll want to give up. That is your flesh wanting to do it's own thing.
Think of a toddler who is learning to be independent and you're trying to help him do something and he says "No, I'll do it myself". Well, we are like that toddler, only God will step back patiently and let us see we really can't do it ourselves, but think of how much time we have lost in our lives and the lives of others around us. Time is something you can never get back. Time is something that keeps moving forward, regardless to whether you're walking around in the wilderness for 3 years or 40 years.
How long will you walk in the wilderness? Can't figure out why your relationships aren't getting better? Why your child(ren) are disrespectful or rebellious? Finances never seem to be enough for all you have to do, even after you got that big promotion or raise? Could it be that you are doing things your way and not HIS?
Before I get into this real good, I have to say, I've learned one thing. When God puts something on my heart to blog (share), I need to do it right then. There was so much I wanted to share from the last 2 nights at FVBS, but fatigue and then packing and moving furniture and boxes into storage; I didn't share and now, I don't know that I can recall all I wanted to share.
However, I do want to share from Sun. service. I think this service hit home for me because I basically had shared some very similar thoughts and words with someone the day before.
Basically, Pastor Evans talked about us doing things our way or God's way. There is this thing called flesh and spirit. Flesh is when we come at things from a human perspective or point of view. This is also known as mans way or secular thinking. We meet our own needs independent of God. Then there is the spirit, which is God's point of view and perspective. We meet our needs depending solely on God.
I used to wonder why a person who says they are a Christian, would get so upset when another Christian would give them God's perspective on a situation. Well, you know pastor explained it right?! The Christian that gets mad is basically a Christian that lives by the flesh, the other is one that lives by the spirit.
Pastor also made a great anology. We go to church on Sun and hear from God's radio station, but Mon - Sat we are listening to the flesh or worlds radio station. The sad thing is we figure we are supposed to be able to function a full and abundant life this way and get mad when we don't. If I'm honest with you and myself, I've been there. I've prayed and prayed "Lord bless me with abundant life". But now I can fully understand why that didn't happen. I was trying to have that abundant life while listening to and following the junk on the worlds radio station, independent of God. This would include decisions I've made about my relationships, finances, etc.
How can we seek answers from a sinful and fallen world and expect to have God's best for our lives? How can we go on our feelings, what makes us feel good, and expect to live a life of joy and peace? It sounds absurd, but we do it every day.
Listening and obeying what God tells us is not always easy. I'll be the first to admit that. We have this body of flesh that is at war with the Spirit. It wants what it wants, but the Spirit says there is no other way to that unspeakable joy.
I'll give you an example: I want my marriage to be restored. I want my family to have a legacy of divorces stopping with me and my husband. We've been to counseling a couple of times, but to no avail. I'm sitting in church and I'm thinking, this is what has been missing all this time. We've gone to "Christian Counseling" but not once have we been instructed, nor dug in the Word for ourselves to see what God has to say about our situation. And if there is one thing I learned yesterday in church, it's that God has His own view on EVERYTHING in your life!!! How can I expect anything to change if I am still confronting it with my feelings or the worlds point of view?
If you are expecting any lasting changes, that abundant life, a life of joy unspeakable, you will have to lay down your will and take His. You will have to get into your Bible and see exactly what God has to say and you can't stop there, you must apply it. It won't be easy, you'll want to give up. That is your flesh wanting to do it's own thing.
Think of a toddler who is learning to be independent and you're trying to help him do something and he says "No, I'll do it myself". Well, we are like that toddler, only God will step back patiently and let us see we really can't do it ourselves, but think of how much time we have lost in our lives and the lives of others around us. Time is something you can never get back. Time is something that keeps moving forward, regardless to whether you're walking around in the wilderness for 3 years or 40 years.
How long will you walk in the wilderness? Can't figure out why your relationships aren't getting better? Why your child(ren) are disrespectful or rebellious? Finances never seem to be enough for all you have to do, even after you got that big promotion or raise? Could it be that you are doing things your way and not HIS?
6/08/2008
Another Snag
I've hit a snag in the housing situation. I have a house, I've been packing frantically to get the double wide empty so that it can be picked up within the next week. The problem is rising fuel costs. We have a friend, who has a neighbor, that moves mobile homes for a living. He is allowed to use the company truck for jobs on the side, provided he fill it back up. This is how I was planning to get the house moved at a fraction of the cost. Well, because of rising fuel costs, the company is not allowing the employees to take the trucks home as often. This means the guy may not be able to move my home. So I've begun calling other services. The least expensive quote I've gotten is $1800. YIKES, that is $900 above my budget.
What am I going to do? Well, I'm gonna pray. God blessed me with this house and He knows it needs to be moved. He also knows what I can and can't afford. So, I'm handing it back to Him and when He says go forth, believe me, the door will open wide and the rate won't be beyond my budget either!!!
So is this another snag? Nope, it's just another opportunity for God to show Himself as God, my Provider, my King, my Daddy!!!
Romans 8:28- And we know that ALL things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
What am I going to do? Well, I'm gonna pray. God blessed me with this house and He knows it needs to be moved. He also knows what I can and can't afford. So, I'm handing it back to Him and when He says go forth, believe me, the door will open wide and the rate won't be beyond my budget either!!!
So is this another snag? Nope, it's just another opportunity for God to show Himself as God, my Provider, my King, my Daddy!!!
Romans 8:28- And we know that ALL things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
6/03/2008
Remember YOUR Word...
Remember Your word to Your servant Lord, for You have given me hope. Psalms 119:49
Last night, at FVBS, was just as good as the first night, if not better. Pastor Cymbala, from the Brooklyn Tabernacle was speaking. I’ve never heard him before, but he was excellent. His teaching method is different than any other I’ve heard before. Calm, soothing, and serene, yet captivating.
Anyway, he spoke on the scripture above. A prayer calling for God to remember the Word He spoke and had given as a promise and how that promise had given hope. Basically it is saying, Lord you gave me a word and gave me hope, are you going to take it from me now and not fulfill it?
How many times have you asked that very question? If I’m being honest with myself and you, I have to admit that just a few weeks ago I was asking that very question.
You see, as a little child, God gave me a vision. I say it was a vision from God for various reasons, but one of them is: how many 7 year olds do you know that desires to have many children and sees them sitting around the table eating and having devotions? Not just many children, but many children of different races and ethnicities; orphaned children. How many 7 year olds sees themselves as the mother to these many children?
I’ve had this dream, desire, and passion to be a mother to many children for ever. I’ve envisioned living on my own “hundred acre woods” with a life of peace and tranquility for children that no one wanted, teaching them to be self sufficient, living off the land.
Then I began to look at my marital situation, my tubes are tied, and I’m working full-time and my very words were, “Lord, why did you give me a passion and burning in my heart for this if you were just going to let it be a vision that never comes into fruition?”
Yet, I look at my current housing situation and I see that God is setting it up to bring it all to pass. I didn't see that 3 years ago or even 3 months ago, but I can see it and understand it now.
I don’t know when He will allow it to be tangible, nor do I know how. I do know that I once again have the vision, the burning, yearning, and desire for this to be in my life. I so want to be a mother to many. They may not be my children from my womb and I’m fine with that, but to know that God has and will entrust me with children to raise up for His glory and His kingdom agenda is humbling because I know I am no where near worthy or capable.
What vision or dream has God given you that you have yet to see come to pass? Remind Him of that dream and the hope that it gave you! He wants us to remind Him of what He said, not that HE forgot, but that we are standing on His word in faith, for He does nothing outside of faith. It pleases Him when we have uninhibited faith in HIM and Him alone!!!
Last night, at FVBS, was just as good as the first night, if not better. Pastor Cymbala, from the Brooklyn Tabernacle was speaking. I’ve never heard him before, but he was excellent. His teaching method is different than any other I’ve heard before. Calm, soothing, and serene, yet captivating.
Anyway, he spoke on the scripture above. A prayer calling for God to remember the Word He spoke and had given as a promise and how that promise had given hope. Basically it is saying, Lord you gave me a word and gave me hope, are you going to take it from me now and not fulfill it?
How many times have you asked that very question? If I’m being honest with myself and you, I have to admit that just a few weeks ago I was asking that very question.
You see, as a little child, God gave me a vision. I say it was a vision from God for various reasons, but one of them is: how many 7 year olds do you know that desires to have many children and sees them sitting around the table eating and having devotions? Not just many children, but many children of different races and ethnicities; orphaned children. How many 7 year olds sees themselves as the mother to these many children?
I’ve had this dream, desire, and passion to be a mother to many children for ever. I’ve envisioned living on my own “hundred acre woods” with a life of peace and tranquility for children that no one wanted, teaching them to be self sufficient, living off the land.
Then I began to look at my marital situation, my tubes are tied, and I’m working full-time and my very words were, “Lord, why did you give me a passion and burning in my heart for this if you were just going to let it be a vision that never comes into fruition?”
Yet, I look at my current housing situation and I see that God is setting it up to bring it all to pass. I didn't see that 3 years ago or even 3 months ago, but I can see it and understand it now.
I don’t know when He will allow it to be tangible, nor do I know how. I do know that I once again have the vision, the burning, yearning, and desire for this to be in my life. I so want to be a mother to many. They may not be my children from my womb and I’m fine with that, but to know that God has and will entrust me with children to raise up for His glory and His kingdom agenda is humbling because I know I am no where near worthy or capable.
What vision or dream has God given you that you have yet to see come to pass? Remind Him of that dream and the hope that it gave you! He wants us to remind Him of what He said, not that HE forgot, but that we are standing on His word in faith, for He does nothing outside of faith. It pleases Him when we have uninhibited faith in HIM and Him alone!!!
6/02/2008
The Awesomeness of God
I have to say, the Lord has been good to me. Mind you He has answered prayers in the last few days, but even if He hadn’t, He has still been good to me.
We have a house and boy let me tell you how God worked that one out. A very dear friend asked if we could watch her children on Mon. evening so she could attend a
Ladies Bible Study. I love her children, so I try very hard not to ever say no when she
Asks us to care for them. Anyway, she comes to pick them up later that night and is looking around at all the boxes in my dining room. She asked if I had found a place to live yet and if I knew for sure when they would be repossessing the house. I have no
Clue to either question. But just ask for continued prayer that God will lead me to the
Place HE has in mind for us.
Tue. Afternoon I get an email from her and she has a single wide mobile home that they
Would be letting go into repossession. However, she thought of me. I knew when I finished reading her email that it was my house. The peace within my spirit was so strong. I just knew it and began to thank God for it, even before I saw pictures of it.
Fri. she emails me pictures of the house. It is the EXACT same color as the double wide I am in now!!!!! The flooring in the bathroom is EXACTLY what I have now. It has been so awesome to see!!!! Now to make arrangements for the double wide to be picked up and the single wide moved into its spot and all connections made for water and electricity.
Well, to say the least, I am in AWE of God and what He has done and how He has done it. I didn’t fret until that Mon. night. But Tue. Morning, I looked at all those boxes and said Lord you promised you would supply all our needs and we need a house. If you don’t supply it, me and my children will be out on the streets. Now isn’t it just like God.
I can only imagine Him in heaven saying “Whoa, she just reminded me of what MY WORD says. I’m obligated to move on her behalf. I’ve got to bless my princess with a home. I’ve got to do this because not only is she My child, but she returned MY WORD to me and I said it would not return void.”
That brings me to a point….yeah, you knew I was going to get to one! LOL
We’ve been learning in church how to take control of our world back from the enemy. And one of them is to be obedient to HIS word, but to also remind God of His word to us as His children. We love to give good gifts to our children. Now how much more does our heavenly Father want to do for us…His children? So, I’ve been learning how to pray scriptures and remind Him of His word. I’m learning to be obedient to His word because if I’m not, He is not obligated to do as He has said.
Yesterday at Family VBS we learned that there are 8000 promises in the Word of God. Some are conditional promises and others are unconditional promises. We were in Phil. 4:19. And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches and glory in Christ Jesus. The pastor teaching said, we all as Christians like to claim that scripture as OURS, but we fail to read the two verses preceding verse 19. This is a conditional promise.
We don’t want to give…whatever it may be, tithes, material items, etc. We are always looking at how we can benefit. If we sell this or that, then we have money in our pockets…and this is all fine, don’t get me wrong, but we hold our fists closed tight and don’t want to let out the 10% He has asked of us. We would rather have a cursed 100% than a blessed 90%. This hit home for me, as I am learning (all over again) to be a tither and trust God to meet my needs. I have to tell you, in Malachi 3:10, He tells us to try Him in this, and I have seen Him unlock and open doors that had been closed to me.
Last nights message was so profound to me. I’ve seen God do some mighty things in my life. I’ve cleaned out all my children’s closest and drawers, year after year, given the clothes to the local women’s shelter and had no clue where I was going to get them clothes for the next season. BUT GOD, has provided bags and boxes of clothes each time, even more than what we gave away. I have seen that when I tithe, I didn’t have enough to pay bills afterwards, BUT GOD, has allowed me to get extensions that the companies don’t want to really give, people being impressed by the Holy Spirit, to give financially to my family. I have seen that when we gave food for a local food drive, and we had bread, peanut butter, and jelly to eat ourselves, that we some how ate that and were satisfied or others were cleaning out their freezers and discarding perfectly good food that they just didn’t want or have room for anymore. No one can tell me that MY God does not supply our needs.
I’ve heard so many people object to giving their tithes and offerings because “they don’t know what that preacher is doing with all the money”. And yet they wonder why they are never prospering financially, emotionally, health wise, relationship wise. Well the pastor hit the nail on the head last night. We are to obey God’s Word, God is then obligated to fulfill His promises to us. If you obey, then you are not responsible for what anyone does with the money. You aren’t held accountable for what they do, only for what you do. Then I read Ps. 92:7 this morning. The wicked spring up like grass (in all their evil doing and disobedience to Gods Word), all the workers of iniquity flourish (for a time it seems), But God…It is that they may be destroyed forever.
How my heart aches for those that are lost and far removed from our precious heavenly Father. He loves us so much and wants to bless us so much, but we block it with willful disobedience.
I’ve so much more to say, so much more on my heart, but I must go eat lunch for now. Be on the look out for part II. ;-> Coming soon to my blog!!! LOL
We have a house and boy let me tell you how God worked that one out. A very dear friend asked if we could watch her children on Mon. evening so she could attend a
Ladies Bible Study. I love her children, so I try very hard not to ever say no when she
Asks us to care for them. Anyway, she comes to pick them up later that night and is looking around at all the boxes in my dining room. She asked if I had found a place to live yet and if I knew for sure when they would be repossessing the house. I have no
Clue to either question. But just ask for continued prayer that God will lead me to the
Place HE has in mind for us.
Tue. Afternoon I get an email from her and she has a single wide mobile home that they
Would be letting go into repossession. However, she thought of me. I knew when I finished reading her email that it was my house. The peace within my spirit was so strong. I just knew it and began to thank God for it, even before I saw pictures of it.
Fri. she emails me pictures of the house. It is the EXACT same color as the double wide I am in now!!!!! The flooring in the bathroom is EXACTLY what I have now. It has been so awesome to see!!!! Now to make arrangements for the double wide to be picked up and the single wide moved into its spot and all connections made for water and electricity.
Well, to say the least, I am in AWE of God and what He has done and how He has done it. I didn’t fret until that Mon. night. But Tue. Morning, I looked at all those boxes and said Lord you promised you would supply all our needs and we need a house. If you don’t supply it, me and my children will be out on the streets. Now isn’t it just like God.
I can only imagine Him in heaven saying “Whoa, she just reminded me of what MY WORD says. I’m obligated to move on her behalf. I’ve got to bless my princess with a home. I’ve got to do this because not only is she My child, but she returned MY WORD to me and I said it would not return void.”
That brings me to a point….yeah, you knew I was going to get to one! LOL
We’ve been learning in church how to take control of our world back from the enemy. And one of them is to be obedient to HIS word, but to also remind God of His word to us as His children. We love to give good gifts to our children. Now how much more does our heavenly Father want to do for us…His children? So, I’ve been learning how to pray scriptures and remind Him of His word. I’m learning to be obedient to His word because if I’m not, He is not obligated to do as He has said.
Yesterday at Family VBS we learned that there are 8000 promises in the Word of God. Some are conditional promises and others are unconditional promises. We were in Phil. 4:19. And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches and glory in Christ Jesus. The pastor teaching said, we all as Christians like to claim that scripture as OURS, but we fail to read the two verses preceding verse 19. This is a conditional promise.
We don’t want to give…whatever it may be, tithes, material items, etc. We are always looking at how we can benefit. If we sell this or that, then we have money in our pockets…and this is all fine, don’t get me wrong, but we hold our fists closed tight and don’t want to let out the 10% He has asked of us. We would rather have a cursed 100% than a blessed 90%. This hit home for me, as I am learning (all over again) to be a tither and trust God to meet my needs. I have to tell you, in Malachi 3:10, He tells us to try Him in this, and I have seen Him unlock and open doors that had been closed to me.
Last nights message was so profound to me. I’ve seen God do some mighty things in my life. I’ve cleaned out all my children’s closest and drawers, year after year, given the clothes to the local women’s shelter and had no clue where I was going to get them clothes for the next season. BUT GOD, has provided bags and boxes of clothes each time, even more than what we gave away. I have seen that when I tithe, I didn’t have enough to pay bills afterwards, BUT GOD, has allowed me to get extensions that the companies don’t want to really give, people being impressed by the Holy Spirit, to give financially to my family. I have seen that when we gave food for a local food drive, and we had bread, peanut butter, and jelly to eat ourselves, that we some how ate that and were satisfied or others were cleaning out their freezers and discarding perfectly good food that they just didn’t want or have room for anymore. No one can tell me that MY God does not supply our needs.
I’ve heard so many people object to giving their tithes and offerings because “they don’t know what that preacher is doing with all the money”. And yet they wonder why they are never prospering financially, emotionally, health wise, relationship wise. Well the pastor hit the nail on the head last night. We are to obey God’s Word, God is then obligated to fulfill His promises to us. If you obey, then you are not responsible for what anyone does with the money. You aren’t held accountable for what they do, only for what you do. Then I read Ps. 92:7 this morning. The wicked spring up like grass (in all their evil doing and disobedience to Gods Word), all the workers of iniquity flourish (for a time it seems), But God…It is that they may be destroyed forever.
How my heart aches for those that are lost and far removed from our precious heavenly Father. He loves us so much and wants to bless us so much, but we block it with willful disobedience.
I’ve so much more to say, so much more on my heart, but I must go eat lunch for now. Be on the look out for part II. ;-> Coming soon to my blog!!! LOL
5/07/2008
What's Really Going On?
Last week I spent not one moment in the Word and I could clearly tell. My children went to stay with their father for a week and I've felt every emotion under the sun since then. I feel that I am under attack from the enemy daily. Sadly, I haven't fought back very well. I know that if I stay in the Word, God will fight the battle for me. Why is it so hard to do that? What makes it so difficult to lean on God for His answers, protection, and strength? Oh how I wish God would just come sit and talk with me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
LinkWithin
