Isaiah 43:18-19 was my reading for yesterday. Those two scriptures have been resonating within my spirit since then. To have the Holy Spirit speak to you through the Word of God is very soothing and peaceful. Tranquil and full of love is how I feel when He speaks to me, utterly safe.
"Do not remember the former things, Nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."
Here is my take on that as the Holy Spirit spoke to me through it. Cherish the memories I hold, but don't hold on to them in such a way that I am saying "I wish things were like they were 14 yrs. ago, 10 yrs. ago, or even 5 yrs. ago". God plans to do a new thing in me, in my life, in my circumstances. He will pave a way for me even in this wilderness of circumstances I find myself in today and will allow a river to flow even where it is now dry and desolate. In other words, what used to be so "good" will pale in comparison to what God will do.
So then of course in my humanness (is that even a word,LOL), I am trying to figure out what it will be. And all He wants me to do is to continue using this time to draw closer to Him. I've been away so long, it's like someone being on bed rest for so long, they forget how to use their limbs. I am having to retrain myself in how to walk not even for the Lord yet, but with Him. I am relearning how to think His thoughts, by renewing my mind with His Word. That right there is not even easy, since I am at a point of looking at my Bible and wondering "Lord what do I read"?
Oh stick with me as I embark on this journey and see where the Lord leads me. I know that what the enemy meant for my evil, God will turn it all around for my good. I can't see it now, but I'm sure my future looks better than my today.
4/25/2008
How Did I Get Here Anyway?
I am continually asking myself how did I get to this point in my life. When I look back over the years, I thought my marriage was safe and intact. Though I know it happened gradually, it feels as though I woke up one morning to chaos and I've been trying to get it straight ever since.
I've been at a point three years ago, where I felt so overwhelmingly close to God. I felt like Adam & Eve must have felt, when God actually walked with them and talked with them. I was so very near Him, that I could literally feel His arms wrapped around me each night I lay down to sleep.
Now I'm here and some where along the way in the last two and a half years, my walk with God has gotten distant. I know when it started, I know how it started, and now I'm struggling to make my way back into the arms of my God. It hasn't been easy up to this point. I'm having to overcome some struggles and hurdles that I had over come three years ago. There has been more pain than I care to face again and yet I know that it is all for my good.
Yes, pain for my good. Just as a woman giving birth goes through the pain of labor and delivery, only to hold a blessing of joy in her arms afterwards, so too am I in the throws of labor. I know that once the labor has done all that it can do, I will be delivered into the most glorious blessings I can ever imagine.
How will I begin this journey? Actually, I began it the day I called the counseling department at my church and asked for help. The day I came to the end of myself sort of. Then the day I had my first session was life changing. As she listened to me pour my heart out, she waited patiently and then she said, it sounds like you lost you and gave power to your husband that God never intended anyone to have over you. In that instance, I knew she was right. That's what you call it? And then she asked how I saw myself. I'm sad to say that the way I see me is not at all the way God sees me. I am having to relearn how to see me through God's eyes. Anyway, she gave me specific assignments to get me back into His Word and that right there has been a balm to begin my healing.
I've been at a point three years ago, where I felt so overwhelmingly close to God. I felt like Adam & Eve must have felt, when God actually walked with them and talked with them. I was so very near Him, that I could literally feel His arms wrapped around me each night I lay down to sleep.
Now I'm here and some where along the way in the last two and a half years, my walk with God has gotten distant. I know when it started, I know how it started, and now I'm struggling to make my way back into the arms of my God. It hasn't been easy up to this point. I'm having to overcome some struggles and hurdles that I had over come three years ago. There has been more pain than I care to face again and yet I know that it is all for my good.
Yes, pain for my good. Just as a woman giving birth goes through the pain of labor and delivery, only to hold a blessing of joy in her arms afterwards, so too am I in the throws of labor. I know that once the labor has done all that it can do, I will be delivered into the most glorious blessings I can ever imagine.
How will I begin this journey? Actually, I began it the day I called the counseling department at my church and asked for help. The day I came to the end of myself sort of. Then the day I had my first session was life changing. As she listened to me pour my heart out, she waited patiently and then she said, it sounds like you lost you and gave power to your husband that God never intended anyone to have over you. In that instance, I knew she was right. That's what you call it? And then she asked how I saw myself. I'm sad to say that the way I see me is not at all the way God sees me. I am having to relearn how to see me through God's eyes. Anyway, she gave me specific assignments to get me back into His Word and that right there has been a balm to begin my healing.
2/13/2008
Discouraged
It seems in the past couple of months that several women have come to me to lift them up and pray for them. And while I don't mind doing either of those things, because I feel that not only did God allow things to happen in my marriage to turn me back to Him, but also to minister to other women going through the same issues I've been throug. But what am I to do when I get discouraged and it seems that things just don't seem to be changing. What happens when I won't to throw in the towel and just give up? I know I can't give up, but I have to be honest with you and when things look dull and they seem to be going no where or they seem to be getting worse, I want to do just that, QUIT!!!! My heart is heavy right now. I am burdened. I can't be with my children and that's where my heart really is, I don't see any changes within my husband and yet I know God is up to something. Whata do you do when you really don't know what to do and all you want to do is run, scream, and hide from all that is going on? STAND! And I have to be honest again...that is really hard for me to do right now. Pray for me, so that I may lift you up and be a blessing to you once again.
2/12/2008
Overwhelmed
I'm sitting here at work and just contemplating all I need to do and there just seems to be no time to do all that I am needing to do or is expected of me. I feel so heavy. The load seems so hard to carry. And when I think of who I could delegate some of the responsibilities to, I realize there is no on else. My husband still out of the home and there seems to be no end in sight. The children pulling me every which way, my home is a wreck and the children can only do so much, working full time and the limits that brings along with it. It is all too much for me and I don't know what to do. I'm so busy, I'm finding it hard to have any time with the Lord, how am I to also lead my children in devotions and developing a quiet time with the Lord? It is just too much. Lord, what am I to do? Who is going to help me? How long Lord will this go on? 3 1/2 years have passed and still I am holding on by a thread. Lord help me, I'm drowning and it hurts.
12/31/2007
12/28/2007
What are your resolutions for the new year?
We all want to lose weight, eat healthy, save more money, spend less, spend more time with those we love, be a better person, etc. And there is nothing wrong with any of those things at all. It's said that it only takes 3 days to get into the habit of doing something.
I think at this point, I've seen in my life that this is simply not true for most things.
It must be a decision you make to "finally" make changes in your life for whatever reason and then find someone to help hold you accountable.
I think that accountability thing is my problem. I keep finding people that say they will hold me accountable and then they renig. Or they ask me to hold them accountable and then get upset with me when I do.
Well, on any note, I'm resolving to get closer to God, find out who I am in Christ, find out who God is, and truely become a disciple of Christ. I'm also resolving to teach my children how to study the Word for themselves and how to hear from God. We, my children and I, will hold each other accountable by having evening discussions about what we read earlier in the day. We will be using the Bible Study/Prayer Journal format listed earlier.
What does this have to do with standing for your marriage? Well, when you truely know God for yourself and He becomes your everything, including your husband, you are a brighter light for your husband and others too. You can lead others to Christ by your example sometimes more than with your words. That is my hope and desire. But you will begin to see your husband as God sees him. I once prayed this about my husband and immediately God gave me a vision of a little boy, balled up in a corner, crying. He saw my husband as a litttle boy in need of love and acceptance. I never shared that with my husband, but some days later his words to me were "I just want to be accepted for who I am, love me for me". AMAZING!!!
What life lasting changes will you make for God?
I think at this point, I've seen in my life that this is simply not true for most things.
It must be a decision you make to "finally" make changes in your life for whatever reason and then find someone to help hold you accountable.
I think that accountability thing is my problem. I keep finding people that say they will hold me accountable and then they renig. Or they ask me to hold them accountable and then get upset with me when I do.
Well, on any note, I'm resolving to get closer to God, find out who I am in Christ, find out who God is, and truely become a disciple of Christ. I'm also resolving to teach my children how to study the Word for themselves and how to hear from God. We, my children and I, will hold each other accountable by having evening discussions about what we read earlier in the day. We will be using the Bible Study/Prayer Journal format listed earlier.
What does this have to do with standing for your marriage? Well, when you truely know God for yourself and He becomes your everything, including your husband, you are a brighter light for your husband and others too. You can lead others to Christ by your example sometimes more than with your words. That is my hope and desire. But you will begin to see your husband as God sees him. I once prayed this about my husband and immediately God gave me a vision of a little boy, balled up in a corner, crying. He saw my husband as a litttle boy in need of love and acceptance. I never shared that with my husband, but some days later his words to me were "I just want to be accepted for who I am, love me for me". AMAZING!!!
What life lasting changes will you make for God?
12/27/2007
Trust & Obey
Trust and Obey...For there is no other way. These are very popular words to a great hymn. Words that ring true in the heart of every believer. There is no other way, but to trust and obey our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Times will get hard and the road will get rough, but in all honesty, there is no one on earth you can trust or obey.
Confession: I have in the past few weeks, stopped trusting and obeying. I'm not proud to confess that, but I must be honest with you that are keeping up with my blog and all that is going on with my stand for my marriage.
I didn't say it with my mouth, as I've done in the past. But I did however, just stop obeying God to stand for my marriage, in that I stopped praying for it. I stopped praying for my husband to come home and just said whatever happens...happens.
Well, how many of you know that that is not what God desires of us? If it were to be that way then in the beginning God would have said well, whatever happens, happens. Jesus would have said of us (without going to the cross) whatever happens, happens. But God's words were specific in the beginning and Jesus was very specific in his purpose for coming to earth. How could we His children be any less specific?
I first laid blame that I needed someone to hold me accountable in my prayers and walk. God said to me, My Word is what holds you accountable. OUCH!!!!
He said to me, either you believe that I am God, that I am able, and that I can do ANYTHING. I said yes, you are God, you are able, and You can do All things. He said you speak truth with your mouth and lies with your heart. Your words are like clanging symbols to me. I said but Lord, nothing is happening.
Ouch, Ouch, Ouch...because then it was as though He said to me...How can you know what I do in the spirit and in my time? Nothing is happening in your time, true, but my time is not your time, neither is my way your way. Hold on and see what I have to bestow upon you.
AHHHHHHHH the love of my Lord pouring down over me. How could I doubt? Because I am human in a self, instant gratification world. I want what I want and I want it right now.
Well, all that to say I know your struggle, I am there just as you are. I know it gets hard especially when it seems like nothing is happening. Know that the moment you prayed the God of heaven began to work. The reason it begins to get so hard for us is that we take our eyes off of God and put them on our feelings, our situations, and so forth. When we take our cares upon ourselves, it becomes unbearable to bear. Lets cast our cares and concerns back on the One who said we could lay them at His feet and let Him also carry us through.
May God Bless You as you stand for the one you love and never let go of God. He gave you the desire to stand for your marriage because He is standing for your marriage.
Confession: I have in the past few weeks, stopped trusting and obeying. I'm not proud to confess that, but I must be honest with you that are keeping up with my blog and all that is going on with my stand for my marriage.
I didn't say it with my mouth, as I've done in the past. But I did however, just stop obeying God to stand for my marriage, in that I stopped praying for it. I stopped praying for my husband to come home and just said whatever happens...happens.
Well, how many of you know that that is not what God desires of us? If it were to be that way then in the beginning God would have said well, whatever happens, happens. Jesus would have said of us (without going to the cross) whatever happens, happens. But God's words were specific in the beginning and Jesus was very specific in his purpose for coming to earth. How could we His children be any less specific?
I first laid blame that I needed someone to hold me accountable in my prayers and walk. God said to me, My Word is what holds you accountable. OUCH!!!!
He said to me, either you believe that I am God, that I am able, and that I can do ANYTHING. I said yes, you are God, you are able, and You can do All things. He said you speak truth with your mouth and lies with your heart. Your words are like clanging symbols to me. I said but Lord, nothing is happening.
Ouch, Ouch, Ouch...because then it was as though He said to me...How can you know what I do in the spirit and in my time? Nothing is happening in your time, true, but my time is not your time, neither is my way your way. Hold on and see what I have to bestow upon you.
AHHHHHHHH the love of my Lord pouring down over me. How could I doubt? Because I am human in a self, instant gratification world. I want what I want and I want it right now.
Well, all that to say I know your struggle, I am there just as you are. I know it gets hard especially when it seems like nothing is happening. Know that the moment you prayed the God of heaven began to work. The reason it begins to get so hard for us is that we take our eyes off of God and put them on our feelings, our situations, and so forth. When we take our cares upon ourselves, it becomes unbearable to bear. Lets cast our cares and concerns back on the One who said we could lay them at His feet and let Him also carry us through.
May God Bless You as you stand for the one you love and never let go of God. He gave you the desire to stand for your marriage because He is standing for your marriage.
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