Admission/Confession

Prayerfully no one will take this the wrong way...but as sat here today reading up on every ones blogs, something hit me. You know, like one of those gut punches that takes your breath away. I know the Lord is not done dealing with me on this matter yet, but the first part is the admission and the confession. The hardest part for me. OK, well one of the hardest parts, because I still have to work through it.
It is not easy to admit or confess but these things must be done if healing is to take place; and I'm ready for healing.

I follow several blogs, but some of them belong to some of my dearest, most cherished friends. And ladies, please DO NOT stop sharing with me. As I was catching up on the happenings of some of their lives, I began to feel this ache deep within me. This feeling that goes from sheer joy to gut wrenching anxiety and bottoms out as temporary depression. It doesn't last long...I have a come to Jesus meeting and then I'm OK. My happiness for my friends is still constant through all of this but I've got to be honest and begin to take baby steps towards complete healing. (Lord will it ever be COMPLETE?)

I struggle with the spirits of envy and jealousy. They seem to be best friends. In my minds eye, they are the heart of covetousness and it's rooted deep within me. I fight it daily and I do mean F I G H T! I love to hear about their marriages and their children, their new blessings within their wombs, their day to day lives of home-schooling and homesteading activities. However, there are times when I am down right jealous and envious of them. Those times I become angry with myself, angry with my estranged husband; and yes, angry with God.

I also struggle with a monstrous spirit of anger. I am angry with or at my estranged husband. At times that anger builds up into rage and my heart begins to race and the tears begin to flow. Much like it is right now. These emotions that cause me to forget that God said to bless those that curse you. This is a feeling I wish for no one to experience, it borders on sheer hatred and I'm not pleased to go there.

Ladies, you are blessed beyond measure. I won't call out names, you know who you are. Cherish your husbands, don't take them for granted. Thank God for them daily and when they do something that irritates you, remember it's just a minor thing. Love on your children and realize that you are in the best place...at home. Raise them for His glory and His kingdom. Enjoy every moment with them, even when you feel frustrated and feel like you want to pull your hair out, and you're wondering "WHY am I doing this"? Every day is fleeting and every moment temporary. You are right where He wants you to be.

I thank you for your friendship. I cherish your encouragement. I covet your prayers. And I will do my best to remember that this battle is NOT mine, but the Lords!

I FINALLY got my birthday/Christmas gift from '08

May as well say Valentines 2009 too...HA HA

I've been waiting patiently to get the 2 things I really wanted. When you are a single parent, you really don't have anyone that can get you those high ticket priced items. So I have to wait patiently (not always- sometimes I'm whining, pouting, kicking, screaming, and crying) for some of my wants. For the most part, it's no big deal, as long as my children have what they need (and I even get some of their wants sometimes) then all is well.

I've wanted to get into a bit of photography and scrap-booking for some time. Well, the camera I HAD, was very cheap and it died on me maybe a year after I got it & with working as I do, I've not found the time to get into scrap-booking as I'd wanted to. Then I heard about digital scrap-booking from a friend and I was hooked (yep without ever giving it a try). The ease of being able to take pictures and download them onto your computer and then play around with scrap-book templates and even journal, seemed so easy and not so time consuming. Then if you have a laptop, it is portable, you just pick up and go and you can scrap-book where ever you are. Hmmmmm, seemed so far out of my reach.

Until....today.
I not only got my camera, I also got my laptop.
The camera I chose is not a top quality camera, but will introduce me to the basics of photography and allow me to get started with digital scrap-booking. As for the laptop, I got the BEST. I got a Macbook!!! Yeah, it was pricey, but it is so worth it. I didn't want to scrimp on that since I will have it for some time to come. Besides, they are the top of the line and I've been hooked on them since my brother introduced me to his Mac desktop years ago. (He'd be proud of my choice if he were alive);-)



Soooooooo, give me a few days to learn how to maneuver them and play around with them and I'll show you what I come up with. THIS IS GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Soon to be new member of the family

These are Great Pyrenees. We will be getting one of them...a boy. His name is White Knight. Adrian picked the name because this dog will be guarding our flock of turkeys, hens, and turkens, as well as our sheep and goats.
We are all excited about this soon to be new member...he'll be ready to come home 6 weeks from this Sat. Then we've got to train him. The guy we're buying him from will start the training. White Knight will sleep out with the sheep, goats, and flock, because this will be who or should I say what he is protecting.
They sleep most of the day so they can guard at night. He can/will also protect the children if need be. Not only have I read it, but the breeder has seen it. He says they will fight to the death to protect the ones they love.


Meet White Knight...well, I don't know which one he is in the bunch, but I picked him out last Sat. LOL

Unashamed by Francine Rivers

All I have to say is...it's another must read.
I had never heard of this author before last Saturday,
but now that I have, I am really liking her work.
I don't know what she was writing before she became a
Christian, but I praise God that she has chosen to use
her gifts and talents to bring Him glory.

So, as I'm about to start the third book in the series;
Unshaken (about Ruth), I hope you are enjoying Unveiled
and maybe you liked it so much you'll read about Rahab in Unashamed.

Unveiled by Francine Rivers

Ok, you all know I recommend books, food, etc. Well, this is a book that is a must read. Francine Rivers has written 5 separate books on 5 individual women of the Bible; Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, & Mary.
I happened upon this book while helping my daughter look for one of the authors other books, Reedeming Love. They didn't have that one in the library, but they had a slew of other books by this author and I started checking out the back of the books and was intrigued by each one I picked up. In my arms it went (I should have gotten one of their carry baskets).
When we got home, I had a hard time deciding which book to read first; I had checked out 7 books total. Finally the decision was made and I began to read. I read a little each night and was caught up in the story more and more. Wednesday night I was sick and yet I was still trying to read. I was mad because after taking some medicine, I kept falling asleep and I REALLY wanted to read not sleep.
At some point I fell asleep and one of the children moved the book but didn't put it in my bag I bring to work each day. So during my lunch break on Thursday I just knew I was going to read. I searched my bag 5 times and there was no book. The squarefoot gardening book was in there, but not Unveiled. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I had to wait till I got home. Still not feeling well, I ate dinner and tried to read again, this time I took NO MEDICINE and I read until well after 11pm. I couldn't help it and even then I didn't want to put the book down, but I did reluctantly.
Fast forward to today and I finished the book during the last 30 minutes of my lunch break. I did NOT want the story to end. She made the story come to life for me. Please don't get me wrong, stories don't override scripture. I just think this one was so well done. I felt she stayed true to scripture too.

OK so get to the library, check out the book and I promise you, you'll want to read another one of her books...ok, well I do anyway!!!