9/30/2010

Tomorrow...

I can't believe tomorrow will be the first of October.  This year has flown by.  I'm not eager for December at all this year.  Honestly, I'm dreading it.
At any rate, with the days flying by so quickly, so are the days speedily approaching that I will be opening my shop!  Eeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkk  I'm not sure what I was thinking!!!

Have you ever though you'd do something and then as the time came near wondered if you were insane? LOL
That's me right now, but I'm going to forge ahead and do the best I can and know that ultimately it's in God's hands.  I'm dreaming big that one day this will be my sole resource of providing for my family and then myself when my children are no longer in my home.  I do know that God is able and He can do things beyond my wildest imagination.

Do you have a dream so big that only God can make it happen?


9/29/2010

Single Mommas

Did you know that many of us did not choose nor want to be in the category of "single momma"?  I know it's not what I envisioned, hoped for, or dreamed of.  Nevertheless, here I am.

In the last few weeks I've had to deal with my feelings and emotions head on.  I've faced anger AGAIN!  I've faced loneliness, sadness, despair, and yes major depression.  I began to think...if my husband were here at least I would have someone to go through this with me.  Things may still look bleak, but I wouldn't be going it alone.
Well, you know it wasn't long before God spoke to my heart.  I'm not alone.  He's been with me the whole time.  I tried to argue that point and say I would like to have someone tangible.  He lead me to look out at His creation.  He is here and He is with me. I may not feel His arms wrapped around me, but He gently allows me to climb in His lap and rest my head against His chest.  I am safe and no matter what happens, He is with us.

THEN to top it all off, we are learning some of the names of God.  3 weeks ago we learned that His name is Elohim.  He is the creator of ALL things.  He is the only one that can make something from nothing.  He needs no substance to create something from.  And because He is the creator of the universe He makes all things perfect.  Then I learned 2 weeks ago that His name is Jehovah.  Now I already knew His name was Jehovah and I've even used Jehovah with the addition of Jireh and Nissi as well as many more.  Jehovah means the Self Revealing One.  He needs no one to reveal His glory, He does it all by Himself.  This would explain verse Exodus 3:14, I AM WHO I AM.
Oh but then this past Sunday we learned He is Adonai....owner of ALL things.  I can't tell you how that hit me like a ton of bricks as I sat there thinking "yeah I've given Him ownership of my life" and He gently nudged me and said "No, you've not given me ownership of everything".  OUCH
Seriously?  And then He began to poor things out like a flood and I could only sit there and agree.  I realized and agreed that He was right.  I had not given Him ownership of everything and then some things I had given Him ownership of, I had taken back...like I could do better than Him.  Oh sweet Jesus, forgive me.  So over the last few days I've been relinquishing things to Him that He owns anyway.  I can't explain the relief that is flooding in.  You see when He is the owner, He is responsible for it.  I don't have to carry that burden.  It was never my burden to carry to begin with.  That makes me look at Matthew 11:28-30 in a whole new light.  Just beautiful!!!!

I'm learning to trust Him in All things.  This journey of Walking out in Faith was more necessary for me than I first thought.

Sorry to ramble, I'm just full with His love.  And to top it off, I think I spoke about several different subjects in this post. HA HA

At any rate, please check out Gleaning The Harvest and if God lays it on your heart, bless a family.  Us single momma's really do have it hard.

Oh and a prayer request...my son's not feeling well.  Don't know if it's his allergies or a cold due to the seasons changing.  Thanks & blessings!!!

9/05/2010

Going Through the Fire

Today, God spoke a word to me.  I'm going through a tough financial time right now.  My last paycheck at my former job should have been enough to pay all my bills for the month of September.  However, when I opened the envelope on Friday, the check was for a whopping $1.56!!!  Immediately I began to panic and I went into a deep depression quickly.  I have over $1500 in bills + food/gas for the month of September and no money until October.  I seriously don't know what I will do......

During service each Sunday morning, we partake of communion.  We have the opportunity to bow in prayer, worship, go to the alter, kneel at our seat; it's your time with the Lord how best you see fit.  Sometimes I kneel, sometimes I bow, sometimes I'm completely in worship, it varies.  Today, I was impressed by the Lord to kneel.  My time began as crying out to God and I began seeking forgiveness of sins, but it quickly went to the whoa is me pity party.  Suddenly the Lord said...Why are you so downcast?  I have given you exactly what you asked for.  Immediately I stopped praying and just continued to kneel.  He said you wanted to be closer to me.  You asked for a new heart.  You asked to be changed from the inside out.  You said you wanted to be more like Me.  You said you wanted My light to shine in and through you.  You asked for these things and then when I begin to give them to you, you cry out in dispare and fear.  It is through the tough times that I refine you as you seek Me and learn to trust me and walk with me through the situations.  I am with you always, but it's in the valleys that I am closest to you.  I know your entire life from beginning to end.  I know everything there is to know about you, these things are no shock to me, only to you.  These things are just the sketches of the big picture of your life that I have already orchestrated.  This is where you decrease so that I may increase.
Tears began to stream down my face more quickly.  YES, I did pray for this.  I just had no idea how things would play out when I asked for it.  We sometimes pray for things and we have these ideas and notions about how things will work out and of course we see things that are pretty much rosey.  I saw this awesome and amazing walk with the Lord and it WILL be just that, but in the meantime, I have to go through the fires and waters (Isaiah 43:2).
May I say I am afraid, I've been honest with God and He knows my fears even if I never spoke it.  I don't know how things will pan out for this month nor next, but I know that God made promises to me as well as to all believers.  He will never leave me.  He will provide for my needs.  He is with me.  He loves me.  He cares for my needs more than any other person on this earth.



I've admired the faith of George Mueller since I read about him to the children almost 5 1/2 years ago.  I've even had times where God instructed me to keep my mouth closed and only pray to Him about our needs.  He honored those prayers and answered every one of them and then some that were never even spoken.  So begins my stretching, reshaping, and pouring my heart out to Him.  

If He loved me enough to die for my sins before I was ever born and committed a single one, won't He and doesn't He love me enough to see to the needs I have in my life?

9/04/2010

First Full Week of Driving

The last two weeks have been pretty busy for me.  About 4 weeks ago I obtained my CDL permit.  I then had to prepare for the driving test.  Practically every day last week I went to take the driving test and every time I was turned away.  They only take so many people each day for road tests because there are only 2 people in the office at that location.  We could go to other locations, but they were just as bad.  Sigh......
I finally decided I was going to go on Monday at 7, an hour before they opened, and just wait.  Someone would bring the bus to me for the test.
Well, the lady starts off explaining what she will be looking for during the test and that I could miss a total of 30 points.  At the end of the test, she informed me that I had missed 14 points and had passed the test.
RELIEF!!!!  I was so totally nervous about the air brake test.  I practiced and practiced and practiced until I was sick of talking about that mess.  And then when I did it I passed it with flying colors!!!!  All praises to Jesus.

Then I get back to the school on Monday afternoon and I'm informed that I will be driving the bus and the former driver will just ride to make sure I get to the stops correctly.  I went to bed early Monday night so I could be ready bright and early Tuesday morning.  GUESS WHAT????  I overslept!!!  Can you believe it?  They won't let me live it down and so my new nickname at the bus barn is sleepy.
I did do the afternoon route and Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday I did the morning and afternoon route.
Wednesday I get to the bus barn to discover that another driver has need of my bus and I have to take a spare bus.  It's not one of the short buses either, it's one of the long ones.  I'm then informed that Thursday I have to take the long, spare bus as well because my bus has a fuel leak.  I gladly leave it right there and take the spare bus.
The thing about my bus is that it's not a very smooth ride.  It actually feels like there are transmission issues.  You have to floor the gas pedal and it goes rather slowly for about 1-3 miles and then wham it leaps into what I call overdrive.  I love my route and the kids on the route, but I sure hate the bus.  I'm told I should get a new bus some time this month.  I'm pretty excited about that!!!

So overall, my first full week of driving the school bus as an official school bus driver has been fun, refreshing, and relaxing.  I'm so glad I made the switch in jobs when I did...actually, I wish I had done it sooner.



9/03/2010

2nd Jobs

I'm driving the school bus now and making plans to open my Etsy shop in October.  In the meantime, I need a second source of income to help pay the bills.  I've worked two jobs before so it's nothing new, but this time I've chosen not to work for anyone but myself for this second income.  If I have to get a second job, I will.
I'm cleaning houses.  I had a house Wednesday, yesterday, one today.  It's taking me a bit to get used to this new schedule and routine, but I'm happy to be in the place I'm in.
Trusting God and His provision for my family!

9/02/2010

September is National Sewing Month

Four years ago I learned that September is National Sewing Month.  Every year after that, I've completely forgotten about it.  This year was no different.  I got word from a friend via Facebook!
I plan to celebrate all month long too.  I'll be increasing my inventory so I can open my Etsy shop in October.  I don't think I will be making any clothes anytime soon, I've also got an order for several aprons for a friend.  She's preparing her Christmas gifts for her aunts and mother.  
So I will be sewing a lot this month of September.  I'll post pics soon of my progress.


9/01/2010

Oh how I miss my babies!

For the past 9 days, my children have been at my sisters home.  My oldest daughters pen pal from the UK is visiting.  She'll leave next Monday.  I had to have the kids stay with my sister because our home is just not in an acceptable condition for guest nor is there adequate space.
I spent last weekend with them and will spend this up coming weekend with them as well.  I had hoped she was having a good time, but alas, I think she's bored.
For one, I'm a single, working mama and just don't have the funds or time to take them to all the places they wanted to go.  Second, we just aren't a family that's on the go day in and day out.
I did plan things for the weekend.  Last Friday, I made burgers and fries for dinner.  The kids went to the movies.  Saturday we went to an amazing flower garden, The Dallas Arboretum.  For lunch/dinner we went to Chipotle.  My sister then dropped them all off at the mall and I picked them up later.  Sunday we went to church and it was an amazing service.  I'm pooped out by this time and just want to slow it down.
This weekend, will be another busy one.  Friday I'm laying low.  Saturday we'll go to Six Flags.  Sunday, church again...Pastor Evans returns from a month long family vacation.  I can't wait to hear what the Lord has been speaking to him.  Monday is a holiday for me, but we also have to get up bright and early so we can take Katie to the airport.  I'm heading home after that and HOPEFULLY I can get some sewing done.

Oh did you know that September is National Sewing Month?

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