This morning I was awakened with a scripture on my mind. We've all heard The Lord will never leave you nor forsake you. Well, that is what came to mind and so I immediately opened my Bible to find that scripture. As I read in Hebrews 13:5, I realized that I had NEVER heard what precedes that NOR proceeds that "cliche" if I may. So many are willing to take from the scriptures what they want to hear and then sometimes God only highlights certain parts of a scripture when you are in His Word. Now I see nothing wrong with taking what God highlights to you and you holding on to that promise. That's just how He operates at times. However, this time, I did not sense that as His way of operating this morning.
So, I read it in two different translations.
NASB: Hebrews 13:5-6 Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, "I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU," so that we confidently say, "THE LORD IS MY HELPER, I WILL NOT BE AFRAID. WHAT WILL MAN DO TO ME?"
Amplified: Hebrews 13:5-6 Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let you down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]
I think we've all been guilty of being greedy, lusting for and craving earthly possessions...that is if we are truly honest with ourselves. It may have been for just a split moment or it may be something you struggle with. There are clearly times I face it. However, this was not the understanding I received from this scripture this morning....my worry over my bills and my housing situation has in essence become my "love of money". My mind has been consumed with it, to the point that I'm constantly thinking of ways to "make money" or bring in some kind of income to support my family and make these "things" happen. I REALLY HOPE I CAN GET MY POINT ACROSS HERE
In the highlighted portion above, that is what jumped out at me. Oh how I have felt just that way, that He has left me without support and left me helpless, to the point that this has consumed me...my dreams, my thoughts, my fears. It has literally gripped me with such a fear that I have become literally paralyzed with it. I have NEVER known fear this way in my life. It has left me immobile. I don't know if anyone understands this kind of fear. I don't want a cliche of words thrown at me, I don't want anyone to ever be gripped in this fear, but I do want out and at times I feel helpless to find a way out. My heart RIGHT NOW has become the soil where the Word is planted and then trials come and satan is able to snatch the Word from me and this has become a fight for my very life. Can I dare say that due to all that has taken place in the last year and few months, that my faith has been shaken to the core in such a way I NEVER thought possible? Yet with all the doubt that rages within me, I still find the strength and energy to cry out to God and beg Him not to let me go. In my own feeble attempt, I am still calling out to God and forcing my feet to go forward. In my heart I know that if God lets me go, I am doomed forever because I have not strength nor power to save myself or keep myself from destruction.
Then I heard a scripture during the week...not sure who was talking about it, but it's Luke 22:31-32 "Simon, Simon, Tasha, Tasha, listen! Satan has asked excessively that [all of] you be given up to him out of the power and keeping of God, that he might sift [all of] you like grain, but I have prayed especially for you [Peter] Tasha, that your [own] faith may not fail; and when you yourself have turned again, strengthen your brothers."
I am truly in a battle, a war if you will for my very soul, my very life!!!