Ever prayed for something and then...

realized afterwards that you made a mistake? Well, that is my latest revelation from the Lord. I'm still on my journey with the Lord and I've been asking LOTS of questions and getting LOTS of answers. Some answers I'm like...Oh or Wow, others, I am literally falling on my knees in tears.

I remember praying for this job I have now. The two part-time jobs I had before were not taxing or overwhelming. I still had time in my day to school my children, spend time with them, cook for them, and do things around the house, as well as partake in some of my hobbies. Then I began to get discontent. I could make more money out there in the real world doing something more meaningful, that would allow me to do more things (financially) with and for my children.

I never once took into account the distance I would be driving (on the road approx. 3 hrs. total, daily) nor did I ever stop to think about the time away from my children. There was only one thought in my mind...more money- more things.

I won't say the income from those 2 part-time jobs was great, but my bills were paid. I won't say there were things we wanted to do but couldn't because there was no extra money. But as I look back I can see I got caught up in what others were telling me, that we were missing out on the good life. I deserved so much more. My children deserved so much more. On and on and on. Sadly, I bought into it all. the lies of the enemy to make you even more discontent. Lies that take you further and further away from God's plan for your life. Now, I was already out of the home because of no choice of my own, but I had to make more money...which would take me even further away from home. UGHHHHHHHHHHHH! LIES & MORE LIES.

Now daily, I go to work, thankful for a resource of income, but dreading it and 95% of the time I'm crying that I even have to come to this place. I miss my children, I miss being closer to home, I miss having to be resourceful to find things to do with my children. We used to go to the library once a week or once every other week. It is now hard to schedule that in my days. Sometimes it's months before we step foot into a library. I miss thrift store shopping (sounds silly but it's true).

Money is nice but it's not EVERYTHING.

When God blesses you with something, He will also bless you with the ability to do it and maintain it. If you're OVER-stressed and OVER-burdened, then possibly what you are doing is not what God intended for you to do. Sadly, I've come to this realization and conclusion.

Well, I don't know how to get out of this one. He gave me exactly what I asked for. I've started by admitting to God that I was wrong and confessing that I realize this was NOT what He had in mind for me. I'll continue to search for jobs closer to home or a legitimate way to make an income from home (without selling make up, jewelry, or legal services, etc.). The difference now is that I am asking God what does He want me to do. Prayerfully He will answer soon and I will hear Him speak and obey.

Please be in prayer with me as well. God bless!

What do you get out of this?

Rick Warren denied ever saying he supported Prop 8 in California and President Obama is quoted as saying we need to throw off the old way of thinking and morals so that we can move forward in this world. I'm interested in knowing your perspective. Please read and share your thoughts. Thanks in advance.

Rick Warren...Another Easter Denial

This Journey is not easy...

and it's really only just begun. I've read through chapter 1 of Choosing Forgiveness by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. It was a bitter pill (wonder what the rest will be like) to swallow. It all seems so unfair that I, the victim, (yep that's how I was seeing myself) had the responsiblity of forgiving the wrongs done to me and my children.
I did learn within myself that I not only blame my husband, but I had begun to blame God as well. I won't go into detail just yet, I'm still working on this area. I see it now for what it is and covet your prayers to get through this moment in time.

As I was reading a devotional this morning, I thought it only fitting to share. The title...Following My Father's Directions. Thought it might make you go hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, as it did me. Enjoy!!!

Eggs in the Incubator

A very dear friend let me use her incubator for the next several weeks.

In just a few short weeks we will hopefully have a dozen healthy guinea keets and 39 baby chicks...if they all hatch. We've been diligently watching the water level so that the humidity in the incubator is just right, as well as the temperature. The temperature must remain between 99.5 to 100 degrees. The only time it dropped below 99.5 was while we were adding the chicken eggs.
The guineas take around 28 days to hatch and the chickens about 21 days, so we had to stagger when we added the chick eggs so that they would all basically be hatching within the same day or two.

Worship

How am I supposed to work when in my heart there is so much worship going on?
I want to fall on my face right now and just dwell in His presence.
I know I can do it in my heart and spirit, but oh I long for the days of
being a stay at home mom, when the children knew not to disturb me because
I was flat on my face worshipping.

So, until I can get to a place and fall to my knees or on my face, I'm doing
it in my heart and I'm praying no one walks in to disturb the place I am in
with my Savior at this very moment!

...And so it begins...

I had written some time ago about my struggle with jealousy and envy, rage and anger. I said then that God had begun to deal with me on these issues. I knew then that it would not be long before He began to unearth specific issues in my heart and life and I was right.

God led me to seek out a friend about a week ago. She suggested that we read Choosing Forgiveness by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. I agreed, but the funny thing is, I've had that book for several months. I started reading it and threw it across my room. Well, before the Lord led me to seek out this friend, He told me it was time to pick this book up again too. Then she suggested we read it...hmmmmmmmmmmm, yeah God is all in my mail and He's proving it by not only speaking to me, but through others as well. ;-) Isn't that so like God, to confirm what He himself has spoken to you by also speaking it through someone else???!!!

Well, I obeyed. I began to read it today and am also going to read it with another dear friend. All I have to say is...I've only read the introduction, but there is such a healing peace even in that small portion.

I'm nervous, I'm scared, not only of the steps I know God is going to require of me, but also the things He will shake up, unearth, and have me to deal with and face yet again...even if for the sake of handing them all over to Him. However, I must say this, I AM READY for the journey. I'm ready for healing, for a breakthrough, and to move on. I know He has much for me to do and much to give me (not just tangible things) and that I can receive none of it nor do any of what He wants me to do as long as I am holding on to the smelly trash that keeps me far from the presence of my Savior! I long to lovingly lay at His feet and bask in the presence of His Spirit! And by His Grace, I will.

To think one day, the atmosphere, our flesh, this world, will no longer separate us from laying at his feet. We will be able to lay there and hear Him speak words of love and adoration for us, as we also speak those words back to Him. As much as I love Jesus now, I wonder if my heart will explode at the depth of love when I see Him face to face? Will I stand in His presence or to my knees will I fall? Will I sing hallelujah? Will I be able to speak at all? I can only imagine!

Ezekiel 3:17-19

I was dictating this scripture to my children for one of their school lessons and boy did it make me stop and say hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. It's one of those make you think scriptures; am I applying this to my life? Have I not spoken up on behalf of the Lord because I was afraid or because I didn't think the person would receive it or that they may not be ready? May god show me my errors and give me opportunity to speak up/out for His glory that one might be saved!

17"Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel; so hear the word I speak and give them warning from me.
18.When I say to a wicked man, 'You will surely die,' and you do not warn him or speak out to dissuade him from his evil ways in order to save his life, that wicked man will die for his sin, and I will hold you accountable for his blood.
19.But if you do warn the wicked man and he does not turn from his wickedness or from his evil ways, he will die for his sin; but you will have saved yourself.

God did command us to go out into all the world and share the good news! However, how many times have you been faced with the opportunity to do so and struggle with doing it? How many times have you said...but they are just not ready to hear, they'll reject it. God never said share with those only you think are ready. He said share! To you they may not seem ready, but we cannot see the work that He has begun in their hearts. And true, they may very well reject His word of truth, but it is not for us to decide the time, we are just to share. We share, whether they accept it or reject it. We are called to plant the seed. It is God who waters it and nurtures it. This is discipleship.

Will you go & share? Or will you please man rather than God?

Be blessed!