I'm at a point where I'm still speechless as to what the Lord has done for us. On Dec. 10 I paid $400 towards the back payment of the mortgage, with a promise to pay $500 on the 21st of Dec.
I had no clue where the money would come from, but began to pray for God's provision. I knew that if we were to get a donation via Gleaning The Harvest, it would go through paypal and it needed to be in my paypal account by Friday, Dec. 17th in order for me to get it transfered to my bank account by Tuesday the 21st. Then I could make a payment via phone to the mortgage company. I specifically prayed this prayer with dates a couple of times. For the most part I was in tears, whining and pouting, and begging the Lord to fix this. I was down right terrified, totally scared, because the thought of being homeless can do that to you!!!
No donations all week. None!!! At some point last Wednesday, I cried out to the Lord totally broken. I told the Lord I didn't want to be homeless with my children. I confessed my doubt, confessed my fear, confessed my worry. Totally admitted to the Lord that I was unable to walk through this fire alone and I didn't think I'd make it at the rate I was going.
I prayed that prayer and felt a huge weight lift. I knew my circumstances had not changed, but I just felt like the Lord was telling me not to worry about the $500 and I had a great peace.
Friday morning, came and went. Friday afternoon, came and went. Friday evening, came and went. Late Friday night, my alert message for new emails went off. It was my email account I set up specifically for job searches and paypal. I had no alerts all week so didn't think much of it...figured it was probably junk mail. But what did my eyes see!!!!!
SOMEONE had donated to our family a whole whopping $500!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES, you saw that right! The EXACT amount needed for the mortgage company, exactly on the day I needed it in my paypal account so I could transfer it to my account and pay the mortgage tomorrow!!!!
The Texas Two Step, The Happy Dance, My Praise Dance, all seemed so inadequate. All I could do was fall in a heap and bawl my eyes out while praising the name of JESUS!
I am NOT a perfect Christian and I know none of us are. I've worried, doubted, and feared, when God said to be strong and of courage, to not doubt or worry, and to fear not. However, God knew this would come to this point. He knew I would worry, doubt, and fear. Yet, He has remained faithful and never left me. He is having to walk with me as my faith and trust are rebuilt, and He is ever so patient to walk through this with me. He lovingly waits for me to wade through all of this mess. He did absolutely nothing for my faith to get to this point and yet He is patiently waiting and loving me.
My God is good! He's more than amazing! He's awesome beyond words! He really is strong when I am weak! He's Everything I need! He's GOD!!!!!!!
I had been praying for a Dec. 21st and 31st miracle! Miracles do still happen, even when I doubt.
I'm still praying for the Dec. 31st miracle and the ability to pay the rest of our bills for this month! I know God is able, even when I struggle with trusting what I can't see!!!!
To the family that so graciously gave, THANK YOU is so inadequate to express my heart. For those contemplating giving to one of the families on Gleaning the Harvest, know that you are helping a single mother to be with her children even if just for one more day. This journey is truly a moment by moment journey. Sometimes we are able to put one foot in front of the other and sometimes we need someone to hold our arms up in this battle. We covet your prayers!!!!!
For those that have prayed me through this time, listened to me rant and rave and whine, Where would I be without Sisters in Christ willing to stand in the gap for me and my children!