I think I'm still partially in 2010...

Well, it appears that this is not turning out to be a year of no worries.  Maybe at the end of the year I'll look back and see that I didn't worry as much as I did in 2010.  I hope!!!

It appears that no matter how hard I've prayed, there aren't answers.  Or just maybe I'm not hearing the answers because they are different than what I'm expecting.  I've got a mortgage payment that was due earlier and they've given me till tomorrow and as of Friday, we are now without auto insurance.  I'm at a loss.  I really don't know what else to do.  I'm going to have to go back to work full time.  The thought breaks me out into a cold sweat.  (I hope that's not taken in the wrong context)  

On another note, please keep a dear friend (Lady Kara) in your prayers.  She's trying to start a home child care business and is eagerly waiting for clients.  This will enable her to be home with her little ones as well.

Single moms have it rough.  It can be very, very depressing!

Sacrificing Our Children...

As I was driving today, I began to contemplate the fact that I may have to go back to work full time.  I don't want to, I want to be a mom.  I want to be with my children.  However, with the housing situation and the possibility of being homeless, I know it's a real possibility that I may have to sacrifice my children yet again.

It seems so unfair that the children of single family homes are the ones that are sacrificed.  I know this is not a perfect world and that people are not as God had intended in the beginning...yet, it saddens me that single mothers (some fathers too) really don't have a say.  My children and many children around the world did not ask for this.

I can say that before August 2010 my children and I were close, but the heart of my middle child was searching and seeking others to tie her heart to.  I can say that since I've been home I have seen this child of mine cling to me as though life depends on it.  She's not the one that expresses herself.  She doesn't cry, she shows no emotion.  However, I've seen on several occasions where her eyes have filled with tears.  She's learning to open up, she's learning to express herself and to be honest I don't want to leave that!!!!!!  I don't want her to bottle everything up again.

I guess I'm just rambling, expressing my thoughts.  Pouring out my heart.

Discouraged