Home to Haven

Courtney at Women Living Well is sharing ways to make your home a haven.  I will be lighting my candle tomorrow and praying over my family.  I'll also be using a new book Commanding Your Mornings to aid in the prayer department!!!  I'm stoked about what the Lord will do in our home.

I know for a fact that I set the tone in our home.  You've heard that saying "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"!  Well it's very true.  Tonight I am choosing to change my tone and attitude so that my children will be blessed and our home will become a haven.  

Hope you'll join in...

Tasha

Grateful

Even with all my whining and complaining, I realize that I am very blessed.
I have three children that are still home, I know where they are, I know who their friends are.  I know what they are doing.  They aren't on drugs, they don't drink, and they aren't having premarital sex.  Their relationships with God may be rocky, but they haven't given up on Him altogether.
We may not stay in a mansion on a hill, but we have a roof over our heads and we are together.  My health may not be the best, but I'm still alive.  None of us wears the latest fashions, but we have clothes and we can crawl in our beds at night and sleep.
I may not have an income right now, but God has never let us go without.  Every bill paid, food to eat, etc.
So today, I just wanted to express my gratitude.

Light.....After Great Darkness

I FINALLY saw the Light of Hope!!!

I haven't been able to read the Word in over 2 1/2 weeks. Hadn't been able to even open it. Couldn't fully understand why this great attack on me.

Until last night!!!

Well, let me back up. Yesterday morning I took my Bible outside and sat down and actually read about 3 passages in Psalms. That was all I could muster. I prayed briefly and that was about all I could muster. Tinkered on the piano a bit and cried out to God in great anguish.

Took my son to karate and prayed off and on while waiting in the car for an hour.

Got home and told the kids to get their Bibles. We haven't read in 2 1/2 weeks mind you. So kids are looking at me a bit strange. I don't feel like it, but I forge ahead. I don't "feel" like doing this. I don't "feel" like reading or praying. But I push forward even if it's only 5 min.

We briefly talked about relationship with God and how we (those of us in the family that don't have a relationship with God) have basically been pimping God. Do our duty on Sunday and then wait with our hand out the remainder of the week expecting to be lavished with blessings and get angry when we aren't. (another blog post on that later)

Then I began to share with them about this dark time. Why I have been so quiet, afraid, and in tears constantly. Fear of the visions I see. Fear of what I might do to myself. Quiet because I saw no hope and tears because that was all I could bring myself to do, along with begging God to please save me and protect me or else I would surely die.

As I was sharing with them, God began to bring to my rememberance a conversation I had 3 weeks ago. We were talking about fighting for our families and praying for our children that are lost and pushing God further away. I mentioned that I had challenged the enemy the day before. Told him he'd have to kill me before I allowed one of my children to be snared by him. I reminded God of all the promises He gave me for my family and again told the devil he could not have my family and the only way he would get them would be to kill me.

I was told I should never challenge the enemy that way, he will surely do all he can to defeat me. I said if we don't challenge him then we are saying our God has no power and from all I've read, my God has ALL power and ALL things are UNDER His feet. The enemy is in subjection to Him!!!

I forgot about that prayer. I've been begging God to help me understand why I was going through this dark time and to draw me out of it. I can't explain it any better than I have been deathly afraid my time was drawing nigh and that it would be at my own hands.

Little did I realize I would forget that conversation and less than a week later, the enemy began his attack on me and tried to take me out. LITERALLY

Since remembering that conversation and sharing it with the kids, I have felt a heaviness lift off me. I'm cautious but NOT defeated!!!!! For the first time in weeks I felt a ray of hope and saw a glimmer of light!!! It has been a long, hard, rough couple of weeks, but as I think about it, it seems as if it were a wilderness moment. You know in Matthew 3:17 the voice of God declares after Jesus has been baptized, "This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased." and IMMEDIATELY the next thing we see in Matthew 4:1 is that Jesus is led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. I could feel heaviness all around me, but no one would be there. I could hear movement all around me, but I would be the only one in the room. The sad thing is I would cower in my bed, not fearful of the enemy and his minions that may have been lurking about, but I was afraid of what I would do to myself. I was too weak to "pray" and so I'd just lay here in bed and cry out Lord if You don't save me, I won't be saved. If you don't rescue me, the enemy will win because I am not strong enough to fight this. Sometimes it would just be Lord Help ME!

But last night, something in the Spiritual realm happened. As I shared and remembered, I no longer felt heavy or defeated. The air in the room began to lighten up. I smiled for the first time last night and truly felt it.

Please pray for God's protection upon me and my children. I don't believe he's finished, but angry (the enemy that is). I didn't denounce my Lord though I did stop reading His Word. I didn't stop praying all together, my prayers were more like cries for mercy and questions. Not only is the enemy after my children, he will kill me to move me out of the way!!!!!

But God is greater!

Immediately after sharing with the kids, God put a song upon my heart. I pray this song blesses you as it did me. I sat here listening to it with tears streaming down my face. God has not put a song on my heart in over 2 weeks. Every morning I would wake up with the words of a song in my head and I'd look for it on youtube and that would be my song for the day. I would go have my quiet time and finish up with praise or worship to the particular song God gave me for the day. I had not had that until last night and this is what He gave me!!! Enjoy! 

Sacrificing Our Children...

As I was driving today, I began to contemplate the fact that I may have to go back to work full time.  I don't want to, I want to be a mom.  I want to be with my children.  However, with the housing situation and the possibility of being homeless, I know it's a real possibility that I may have to sacrifice my children yet again.

It seems so unfair that the children of single family homes are the ones that are sacrificed.  I know this is not a perfect world and that people are not as God had intended in the beginning...yet, it saddens me that single mothers (some fathers too) really don't have a say.  My children and many children around the world did not ask for this.

I can say that before August 2010 my children and I were close, but the heart of my middle child was searching and seeking others to tie her heart to.  I can say that since I've been home I have seen this child of mine cling to me as though life depends on it.  She's not the one that expresses herself.  She doesn't cry, she shows no emotion.  However, I've seen on several occasions where her eyes have filled with tears.  She's learning to open up, she's learning to express herself and to be honest I don't want to leave that!!!!!!  I don't want her to bottle everything up again.

I guess I'm just rambling, expressing my thoughts.  Pouring out my heart.

Discouraged

On this day at 6:47 AM....God brought forth a bundle of blessing!!!!

HE GAVE ME YOU!!!


It's hard to believe that on this date 18 years ago, I was giving birth to my eldest daughter.  WoW!

My how time flies.  Where did my little baby go?  Those chubby cheeks and curly hair.  That grin that
made me laugh and those big eyes that opened wide in surprise when I came around the corner and 
would find her standing happily in her crib?

I'll never forget not knowing that I was in labor and being on the phone with my mom who lived in Illinois
at the time.  I told her my stomach hurt and I thought I had gas.  I couldn't figure out what I ate!!!
I sat there on the couch on the phone with her for well over 3 hours and she'd say "well just tell me when
your stomach gets tight again and when it eases up".  
Silly me, I had no clue.  I told her this for well over an hour and she just kept talking as though nothing
happened.  Told me to get a glass of water and see if that helped and then to try a tums.  Neither helped
and yet all along she was timing my contractions.  
I remember telling her I needed to get off the phone because my husband was walking in from work and 
she wanted to "say hi".  She calmly told him, drop everything, call a cab, get her bags and get her to the 
hospital, she has no clue that her contractions are 3 min. apart.  

I didn't either! It's funny now!!!!

Then I got scared, but still you weren't born until August 1st after 6 in the morning.  You weighed 7 pounds even, had a head full of hair and you were a calm, gentle baby.

7 days later you met your aunt and great aunt for the first time and you sat in your seat contentedly watching Sesame Street and eating PANCAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now you stand before me and I am in awe.  Awe at this blessing God trusted to me.  Have I taught you what I was supposed to, is there still time for those things I've missed?  Who is this young lady that I see?  I'm amazed at who you have become.  I'm inspired by your love for Christ.  I'm grateful that you are mine.  At times I am totally speechless.  You look like me!  And you're proud of that!!!!  I love it.  

Today, 18 years ago, I celebrated your birth.  Today, 18 years later, I celebrate your life!  

I pray that you will continue to seek God and chase after Him, leaving all else by the wayside.  I admire who you are becoming and who you are.  You are precious, far above rubies, and He gave you to me...even if for a short time!

I love you with all my heart, 
Mom

Tuesday Thoughts - Titles

I'm in this kick of titles.  I'm an organizer, scheduler, type personality.  So I do monthly menus and am about to pass this torch to my girls completely for the next couple of years.  I was trying to think of ways to simplify it for them and what I came up with is Special Sunday, Meatless Monday, Casserole Tuesday, Crockpot Wednesday, Salad Thursday, Fat Friday, Sandwich Saturday.

I will help them in creating lists of recipes we completely enjoy, then we will place them on index cards in their rightful categories for the days of the week.  Then the girls will be able to make up a monthly menu by going thru the box and choosing the meal for each night of the week.  They will be responsible for checking the pantry and freezer at the beginning of each month and making out a grocery list as they create the menu and we will buy groceries accordingly.  I will help them cook up and prepare as many of the meals ahead of time and placing them in the freezer.  Something like once a month cooking.  That will help to eliminate daily cooking for supper.

I'll keep you posted how it goes!!

GRATEFUL:  My daughters are preparing for their households one day!


PERSONAL GROWTH:  She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.  Proverbs 30:15
  

Monday Musings - My Weekend

Ever planned your weekend to the T or at least had in mind things you were going to try to accomplish?  I had the entire weekend planned out.  I didn't work Friday because of my Dr. appt. and thought that after doing laundry I would be able to work the rest of the day in the garden and plant some seeds (I know I'm late).  I had Saturday planned for sewing and some of Sunday as well.

Needless to say, I've been sick with the flu the entire weekend.  We got the laundry done, but after that, I was no good to anyone for anything.  My children had to take care of me!!!!

Saturday, I was going to force myself to do something.  I felt some what stronger...I should have resisted the urge to go outside, but it was gorgeous.  I helped my children separate 3 roosters with their own sets of hens.  Too many roosters and they fight each other to the death.
After we got that accomplished I was winded, drained, my fever was up again, dizzy, exhausted.  I laid down and slept for 5 hours.
No sewing was accomplished what so ever.  I looked longingly at my sewing machine and serger and thought of the various projects I wanted to be doing and some future projects, but none were accomplished at that moment.
Sunday I felt a bit better, but felt it best not to push it.  After all, I had to be ready for the work week.

Oh, I did get to do some job searches online Sunday.  I need a part time job from 9-2, M-F or a couple of houses to clean per day that will rake in at least $1200 a month.  God will work it out, of this I am certain.


GRATEFUL:  for children (blessings) from the Lord that help to take care of me when I am down.  I appreciate them more than they know!!!  Thank you my cherubs.

PERSONAL GROWTH:  Be still and know that I am God.  Psalm 46:10

My Joy

Have I ever shared how much joy my children bring me?

Yes, they argue and disagree and yes I have to referee those disagreements.  But there is something that far out weighs even those...
When I hear their joint laughter over an endeavor they have taken on together, when they are coming up with new skits, when they are standing up for one another against outsiders that try to come against them, when they pray for each other and when one feels sad and the other two are racking their brains trying to figure out why.

Yes, I've been blessed beyond measure with these 3 monumental joys in my life and you know what?  I would NOT trade them for anything in this world.

In our society today, the world would have us to believe that 3 children are more than enough.  That actually we could stop at two if we have a boy and a girl and the only reason to have three might simply be because we had two of the same sex the first two times.  Or society would have us to believe that putting children on hold until a more perfect opportune time comes is more than ok.
Yet when I read my Bible, I read in Psalms 127:3-5  It says that children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.  Like arrows in the had of a warrior are the children of one's youth.  Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!!! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gates.

No, my children are not my regrets, my children are my blessings and I am blessed beyond measure because they are in my life.  My only regret is my choice of closing off my womb and putting a halt to the many blessings God could have given me.  However, that will not stop me from praising Him for the one's He gave me before my poor judgement and decision.

I feel like Mother's Day is every day and today I am abundantly blessed to be their mother!!!

Are you informed about what Birth Control really does?

I've read many a book in the past 10 years on the blessing of children, the deception of the birth control pill, and sterilization. I have desired to reverse my own sterilization for the past 13 years. I talk to my girls constantly about what God's Word has to say about children and I also tell them about my mistakes of using birth control, sex outside of marriage, and having my tubes tied. They are well aware and I pray they will never fall victim to the schemes of the enemy.

But are you informed about what Contraceptives really do?

Adoption - Prayer Request

I was watching a video this morning about orphans
Anyone who knows me, knows that this is a near and dear subject to me. Since I was a little girl, I envisioned being a mother to many. I saw me as a mother with many children of my own and others of different ages, races, etc. I was 7 years old when (I believe) God gave me this vision and desire.
So as you can imagine, the last 3 1/2 years have been heart wrenching for me. I have seen my dreams dashed to nothing and have become hopeless in this.
However, this morning, as I watched this video, the desire is stirred within me again. I'm praying for it, but I don't know how it will come to pass. So please, if the Lord lays it upon your heart, pray for God's will to be done!!!!

God I desire to have more children and be a mother of many, either by natural means (tubal ligation reversal), adoption, or both.
I lack a husband & man of god who also has this vision.
I lack the finances to pay for adoptions.
I lack space and adequate housing to adopt.
However, Father, with You NOTHING is impossible.
Through You NOTHING can fail.
If any of this be Your Will Lord, turn it around in Your favor & for Your glory, and I will walk in Your will!
Amen

James 1:27

Conforming? Salt & Light?

I seem to be so full of words tonight, but I will try to articulate what I feel God is sharing with me.
Romans 12:2 says And do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

The life lesson, as stated in my Life Principles Bible says God does not want us to try hard to sin less, but to depend upon His Spirit to be transformed into people who love to please God through willing obedience. That transformation begins with the mind.

Then it says in Matthew 5:13 that You are the salt of the earth; but it the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men.

And again the life lesson states that Jesus wants us to take seriously our role as "salt," a preservative. Our behavior is to be distinctly different from those who do not know God, and it must not reflect the same kinds of sin that corrupt a godless culture.

Now, not to harp on the words that were spoken to me concerning my children, but as a dear friend pointed out to me, my children are considered dumb/stupid, simply because they don't know the ways of the world. Now I will be the first to admit that their math level is not where public school children are, but I don't see any of my children cringing when it comes time to pull out the math books either. They may not be perfect spellers, but I don't see them hesitating to use a dictionary to learn to spell a word.

I have given my children the opportunity to learn ANYTHING, when I equipped them to read and have a love for learning. There is NOTHING in this world they cannot learn, all it takes is picking up a book and reading & studying on whatever it is that piques their interest.
What brings me the most joy is when I say go get your Bibles and they are running and smiling as they go to get them.

I don't mince words here, If my children NEVER learn the things of this world and all that the world says is important and necessary for life, but they have a relationship with Christ and walk with Him moment by moment and day by day, I have fulfilled my purpose in their lives.