I had a financial freedom class at church this morning and as we talked about how we each thought of tithing, I voiced what I used to think of it and the perspective I have on it now. I didn't see it as an act of worship to the Lord, I saw it as a bill. Like I said, I didn't see it as worship, I saw it as "paying" to the church what God required of me to do and I was determined to be obedient in doing it.
Now, even though my perspective and mind frame towards it was not right, God still honored my obedience. Maybe I've missed out on something "more" because of my attitude towards it, but nonetheless, God still honored His Word and did what He promised to do in Malachi 3:10-12.
Well, as I was reading the required book for this class; Your Money Counts, by Howard Dayton, I had several light bulb moments. One of them concerned tithing. To give is to be obedient, true. But to give is also to worship the Lord. It is also to say thank you Lord for trusting me with your money, I lovingly worship you by being obedient to bless you with the 10% you have asked of me, so that I may do what you ask of me with the 90% without worrying.
Bishop Jakes always says, it is a best to have a blessed 90% than a cursed 100%. God honors our obedience.
I recall of times on paper, we had more bills than money. However, after tithing we had paid all bills and purchased other necessities and there was still money left over, when in reality there should not have been any.
This is the way God's economy works. I want to be a part of that economy and not the one that we see around us in reality, newspapers, and news reports.
No longer am I "paying" God, or the church (as I used to think). What I give is an act of worship, this is what I was made to do, to worship my God in ALL areas of my life.
9/27/2008
9/14/2008
Yikes, IKE
On Friday I called my Aunt, who lives in Galveston very near the seawall. I wanted to find out for sure where she was and to know that she was safe. I asked her where she was and got the shock of my life, she was still in Galveston and was refusing to leave. Needless to say, my blood pressure went up and the anxiety increased. I could not believe that she was still there, but even more than that, I could not believe she was determined to stay there.
With other family members calling to try to persuade her to leave and finally her cousine going to get her, she finally gave in and left.
I heard from her last night and she was in Spring, TX and was safe. RELIEF!
I wonder now, as she is able to watch news reports, what her thoughts are. She claimed that it wouldn't get so bad and now I wonder as she looks at things that were there for years and are now gone, what are her thoughts.
We still have no word if her house is still standing, flooded, damaged, or what. The entrance into Galveston is blocked with boats and debris. A life changing moment. Lives lost, lives altered, a moment in history, forever a mark in my heart.
With other family members calling to try to persuade her to leave and finally her cousine going to get her, she finally gave in and left.
I heard from her last night and she was in Spring, TX and was safe. RELIEF!
I wonder now, as she is able to watch news reports, what her thoughts are. She claimed that it wouldn't get so bad and now I wonder as she looks at things that were there for years and are now gone, what are her thoughts.
We still have no word if her house is still standing, flooded, damaged, or what. The entrance into Galveston is blocked with boats and debris. A life changing moment. Lives lost, lives altered, a moment in history, forever a mark in my heart.
9/11/2008
Remembering 9/11
There aren't many events in my life that I can remember what I was doing or what was going on around me, as well as I can on the morning of 9/11, seven years ago.
I had the radio set to come on every morning and I would wake up to the music. What I was hearing wasn't sounding right. I lay there. Surely they were making a HUGE mistake in their report.
An airplane went into a building in NY. Are you serious? Wow, wonder how they lost control of that one...was my thought. But then I sat straight up in bed and my first thought was OH MY GOD WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!!! Is this what the end of the world is supposed to be like? I don't remember reading that in my Bible. I thought we would be caught up first. Then I thought good Lord I've been left behind. This is no joke, these were my thoughts.
Then I ran to turn on the tv and right before my eyes I saw the second plane go into the second building. And I fell to my knees and started screaming!
My mind did not want to believe what my eyes were seeing. I begged God to please let the people get out safe, please don't let it be mass casualties. I begged and begged, then they said another plane had gone down and then another.
Then, as though it couldn't get any worse, one building started falling and you see people jumping from the other and then it falls. People screaming, running, confusion on their faces.
Those images are forever ingraved in my mind. Visions that will never go away.
I, like many others, watched the news for days and days until finally it dawned on me that my children were getting depressed.
This morning my son said "we won't be turning on the tv at all today, I don't want to see the videos of it again". And though I still grieve for the loss of the innocent lives, he is right. I can't bring myself to watch tv today. My heart still cries for them all, but especially the children!
I think we got too cocky and believed it would never happen on American soil, but we were wrong. I thought after this our nation would turn back to it's roots and once again become a nation whose people's hearts were turned to God. I thought we would have revival.
And in some sense, all of that did happen and then again, some things got even worse.
I pray for revival for our nation, because next time God may do just as He did with the Israelites and allowed them to be taken captive because they had turned so far away from Him.
Please pray with me in rememberance of the innocent lives taken and those affected by the cowardly act of so many on 9/11, but please also pray with me that we will have revival in our land, our cities, our states, our nation!
May God Bless the families who lost loved ones on 9/11.
I had the radio set to come on every morning and I would wake up to the music. What I was hearing wasn't sounding right. I lay there. Surely they were making a HUGE mistake in their report.
An airplane went into a building in NY. Are you serious? Wow, wonder how they lost control of that one...was my thought. But then I sat straight up in bed and my first thought was OH MY GOD WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!!! Is this what the end of the world is supposed to be like? I don't remember reading that in my Bible. I thought we would be caught up first. Then I thought good Lord I've been left behind. This is no joke, these were my thoughts.
Then I ran to turn on the tv and right before my eyes I saw the second plane go into the second building. And I fell to my knees and started screaming!
My mind did not want to believe what my eyes were seeing. I begged God to please let the people get out safe, please don't let it be mass casualties. I begged and begged, then they said another plane had gone down and then another.
Then, as though it couldn't get any worse, one building started falling and you see people jumping from the other and then it falls. People screaming, running, confusion on their faces.
Those images are forever ingraved in my mind. Visions that will never go away.
I, like many others, watched the news for days and days until finally it dawned on me that my children were getting depressed.
This morning my son said "we won't be turning on the tv at all today, I don't want to see the videos of it again". And though I still grieve for the loss of the innocent lives, he is right. I can't bring myself to watch tv today. My heart still cries for them all, but especially the children!
I think we got too cocky and believed it would never happen on American soil, but we were wrong. I thought after this our nation would turn back to it's roots and once again become a nation whose people's hearts were turned to God. I thought we would have revival.
And in some sense, all of that did happen and then again, some things got even worse.
I pray for revival for our nation, because next time God may do just as He did with the Israelites and allowed them to be taken captive because they had turned so far away from Him.
Please pray with me in rememberance of the innocent lives taken and those affected by the cowardly act of so many on 9/11, but please also pray with me that we will have revival in our land, our cities, our states, our nation!
May God Bless the families who lost loved ones on 9/11.
9/09/2008
I Scream, You Scream, No we aren't screaming for Ice Cream
Can you say excited and ready? I've been checking out the Habitat for Humanity website (the store) and I'm getting really excited about the housing renovations I'll be doing.
There was a clip from one of the local news stations about the store. This man was given a quote of $3000 to re-do his bathroom. He did it for $32 by going to the HHS! Can you believe that? $32 and that was for everything!
So then I went on their site to see what materials they have and they give you various lists of things they have or may have and the price range. I will be able to afford to remodel one room per month at the rates they give or if need be one room every other month.
So, First things first, I am trying to find out if there are any churches that will help by blessing us with gift cards to purchase the roofing materials. That's my first priority. Then I will be re-doing floors. Actually I will need to put new plywood down through-out the entire home first. This is what I mean by doing the floors. There is some major water damage to alot of the rooms, plus the plywood is more sturdy and durable than the particle board that is down AND it will be easier to put hardwood flooring on it.
Those will be the two most costly things I am faced with before the year is up. Then the beginning of the year I am looking to replace the walls in each room with mold resistant sheet rock. Now, from there, I believe things will flow a bit smoother as I should be able to purchase most of my materials and necessaties from HHS.
And get this, I'm going to put a small Island in the kitchen with a marble top. We went to Home Depot and the lady tells us they don't custom make many Islands anymore. They take cabinets that the customers choose and arrange them the way the customer wants, puts paneling on the areas that don't have doors or drawers and voila!!!! an Island that is "custom made".
So now if you know me, you know my creative juicese were flowing at this point.
I was dreading the things that need to be done in the home because of the cost, but ONCE AGAIN, God is so good and loves me so much, He is showing me how to do it!!!! Just like He did when we built the chicken coop (which needs to have new plywood put on it).
There was a clip from one of the local news stations about the store. This man was given a quote of $3000 to re-do his bathroom. He did it for $32 by going to the HHS! Can you believe that? $32 and that was for everything!
So then I went on their site to see what materials they have and they give you various lists of things they have or may have and the price range. I will be able to afford to remodel one room per month at the rates they give or if need be one room every other month.
So, First things first, I am trying to find out if there are any churches that will help by blessing us with gift cards to purchase the roofing materials. That's my first priority. Then I will be re-doing floors. Actually I will need to put new plywood down through-out the entire home first. This is what I mean by doing the floors. There is some major water damage to alot of the rooms, plus the plywood is more sturdy and durable than the particle board that is down AND it will be easier to put hardwood flooring on it.
Those will be the two most costly things I am faced with before the year is up. Then the beginning of the year I am looking to replace the walls in each room with mold resistant sheet rock. Now, from there, I believe things will flow a bit smoother as I should be able to purchase most of my materials and necessaties from HHS.
And get this, I'm going to put a small Island in the kitchen with a marble top. We went to Home Depot and the lady tells us they don't custom make many Islands anymore. They take cabinets that the customers choose and arrange them the way the customer wants, puts paneling on the areas that don't have doors or drawers and voila!!!! an Island that is "custom made".
So now if you know me, you know my creative juicese were flowing at this point.
I was dreading the things that need to be done in the home because of the cost, but ONCE AGAIN, God is so good and loves me so much, He is showing me how to do it!!!! Just like He did when we built the chicken coop (which needs to have new plywood put on it).
He really is EVERYTHING to me!
Psalms 40:1 - I waited patiently on the Lord and He inclined to me and heard my cry.
Over the last week I've fretted in my mind/heart. I've learned some ugly things about my estranged husband that have literally cut me to the core. Things I "knew", but was able to push the truth of reality far from my mind. But when finally faced with the "reality" of it, it became a hurt so deep and real all over again, as it did when he first left.
So I've played these thoughts and scenarios over in my head, thoughts that have brought torture and torment to my mind; the kind that turn your stomach and make you want to puke. The kind that keep you from sleeping.
But as I sat in the car preparing to go into the office, I began to re-read some things I had previously written in my journal. Several were scriptures: Ps. 25:4-5, 27:11, 86:11, 43:3, 5:8, 31:3, 23:3, 40:1.
Ps. 40:1 leaped out to me and in the midst of my tears, it was as thought I could hear God saying "I hear you".
Ever had a peace envelope you so completely? At that point the tears still flowed, but my words were "I know You hear me" & "Thank You that You hear me".
God loves me with a love that is unfathomable and untouchable by another human heart.
I don't have to ask, beg, or plead for His love. He already does. Then with that you get to a point where you realize that He understand your pain. He know all about it & His Son felt it.
Rejection from a person is a HARD pill to swallow, but when you are finally at a place to put it in perspective...God's rejection of you would be far worse. And then not in a cocky, prideful sense, you realize...I'm going to be okay. The hurt will heal even if a scare were to remain. this too shall pass & I will never be the same. I am complete in, with, and through Jesus. It may take a while to renew my mind to fully grasp and understand that fact, but it does not change the fact that it is true!
If my husband never returns to our marriage & even if he does, there is NO love that can come close to the love my Father has for me. His love and acceptance is far better and more than I can ever dream or imagine.
Over the last week I've fretted in my mind/heart. I've learned some ugly things about my estranged husband that have literally cut me to the core. Things I "knew", but was able to push the truth of reality far from my mind. But when finally faced with the "reality" of it, it became a hurt so deep and real all over again, as it did when he first left.
So I've played these thoughts and scenarios over in my head, thoughts that have brought torture and torment to my mind; the kind that turn your stomach and make you want to puke. The kind that keep you from sleeping.
But as I sat in the car preparing to go into the office, I began to re-read some things I had previously written in my journal. Several were scriptures: Ps. 25:4-5, 27:11, 86:11, 43:3, 5:8, 31:3, 23:3, 40:1.
Ps. 40:1 leaped out to me and in the midst of my tears, it was as thought I could hear God saying "I hear you".
Ever had a peace envelope you so completely? At that point the tears still flowed, but my words were "I know You hear me" & "Thank You that You hear me".
God loves me with a love that is unfathomable and untouchable by another human heart.
I don't have to ask, beg, or plead for His love. He already does. Then with that you get to a point where you realize that He understand your pain. He know all about it & His Son felt it.
Rejection from a person is a HARD pill to swallow, but when you are finally at a place to put it in perspective...God's rejection of you would be far worse. And then not in a cocky, prideful sense, you realize...I'm going to be okay. The hurt will heal even if a scare were to remain. this too shall pass & I will never be the same. I am complete in, with, and through Jesus. It may take a while to renew my mind to fully grasp and understand that fact, but it does not change the fact that it is true!
If my husband never returns to our marriage & even if he does, there is NO love that can come close to the love my Father has for me. His love and acceptance is far better and more than I can ever dream or imagine.
9/05/2008
Conforming? Salt & Light?
I seem to be so full of words tonight, but I will try to articulate what I feel God is sharing with me.
Romans 12:2 says And do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
The life lesson, as stated in my Life Principles Bible says God does not want us to try hard to sin less, but to depend upon His Spirit to be transformed into people who love to please God through willing obedience. That transformation begins with the mind.
Then it says in Matthew 5:13 that You are the salt of the earth; but it the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men.
And again the life lesson states that Jesus wants us to take seriously our role as "salt," a preservative. Our behavior is to be distinctly different from those who do not know God, and it must not reflect the same kinds of sin that corrupt a godless culture.
Now, not to harp on the words that were spoken to me concerning my children, but as a dear friend pointed out to me, my children are considered dumb/stupid, simply because they don't know the ways of the world. Now I will be the first to admit that their math level is not where public school children are, but I don't see any of my children cringing when it comes time to pull out the math books either. They may not be perfect spellers, but I don't see them hesitating to use a dictionary to learn to spell a word.
I have given my children the opportunity to learn ANYTHING, when I equipped them to read and have a love for learning. There is NOTHING in this world they cannot learn, all it takes is picking up a book and reading & studying on whatever it is that piques their interest.
What brings me the most joy is when I say go get your Bibles and they are running and smiling as they go to get them.
I don't mince words here, If my children NEVER learn the things of this world and all that the world says is important and necessary for life, but they have a relationship with Christ and walk with Him moment by moment and day by day, I have fulfilled my purpose in their lives.
Romans 12:2 says And do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
The life lesson, as stated in my Life Principles Bible says God does not want us to try hard to sin less, but to depend upon His Spirit to be transformed into people who love to please God through willing obedience. That transformation begins with the mind.
Then it says in Matthew 5:13 that You are the salt of the earth; but it the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men.
And again the life lesson states that Jesus wants us to take seriously our role as "salt," a preservative. Our behavior is to be distinctly different from those who do not know God, and it must not reflect the same kinds of sin that corrupt a godless culture.
Now, not to harp on the words that were spoken to me concerning my children, but as a dear friend pointed out to me, my children are considered dumb/stupid, simply because they don't know the ways of the world. Now I will be the first to admit that their math level is not where public school children are, but I don't see any of my children cringing when it comes time to pull out the math books either. They may not be perfect spellers, but I don't see them hesitating to use a dictionary to learn to spell a word.
I have given my children the opportunity to learn ANYTHING, when I equipped them to read and have a love for learning. There is NOTHING in this world they cannot learn, all it takes is picking up a book and reading & studying on whatever it is that piques their interest.
What brings me the most joy is when I say go get your Bibles and they are running and smiling as they go to get them.
I don't mince words here, If my children NEVER learn the things of this world and all that the world says is important and necessary for life, but they have a relationship with Christ and walk with Him moment by moment and day by day, I have fulfilled my purpose in their lives.
What do you do...
…When the pain you feel cuts deep like a knife and is so heavy it feels unbearable? What do you do when you see the pain in your children’s eyes and there is nothing you can do to ease that pain or take it away? What do you do when the very people that say they love you and your family now say they want you out of their life and that your children are dumb and stupid? What do you do when the very thing you suspected, you find out it is true? How do you keep your head up and keep going forward? How do you get past the hurt and the pain? How do you not feel rejected?
There is a song by Kirk Franklin on his The Fight of My Life cd.
The title is Still (in control) [Verse 1:]Lately I've been thinkin'Thinking 'bout youAnd all the thingsI've seen you go throughYour mother the kids andThe problems at homeSorry I wish I could fix what's wrongI hurt when you hurt andI cry when you cryEven the deep onesSometimes wonder why am I going throughI'm waiting but still no use [Chorus:]He's still in controlHe's sovereign and He knowsJust how it feels to be afraidHave folk you love walk awayBe still and know He's still in control [Verse 2:]Lately depressionYour job and your lifeWeighs on your mindAll day and all nightYou know every scriptureAnd what prayer to prayOnly a fool would thinkIt'll all go awayBut there is good newsFor you there's a planA High Priest who knowsAnd who understands what you cannot sayJust a little longer can you wait [Chorus:]He's still in controlHe's sovereign and he knowsJust how it feels to be afraidHave folk you love walk awayBe still and know He's still in control [Bridge:]Don't know what tomorrow will bringOr if this sickness will ever leaveYou can paint a perfect pictureBut will it ever look like it used to beSee, one thing I know for sureThis season made you stronger and more matureCan't you see how far you've comeAnd when you look backIt's gonna be worth it, oooh [Chorus] He's still in controlHe's still in controlHe's still in control
I listened to this song over and over during my drive home today, trying to come to some sort of understanding or conclusion. I don’t profess to have all the answers, nor say that I understand. I’m lost, feeling like I’m a walking zombie at times. I hurt, my children hurt. The pain is unbelievable at times, yet the words to this song are what give me comfort. I don’t understand fully why my marriage failed or why my family is the way it is. I can’t say I understand completely what happened on Tuesday evening with me, Joseph, and my mother, but I know that God is sovereign and He has it all in control. I know He is using even this to grow me and mature me. I’ve cried out that God arrest the hearts of my children and keep them for Himself, this could be the very thing He chose to use in order to do that. We have all learned that the only one we can truly count on is God and God alone! We are human, frail, and weak. We hurt and will hurt others, but God is the only solid foundation in our lives.
I’m clinging to Jesus right now, just as I did when my husband first left. I find my greatest comfort knowing that Christ felt many of the same things I am feeling right now. He knows what it is to be rejected by those who say they love you. He knows what it is to be hurt. He knows everything I am going through. What I am dealing with, what my children are dealing with is no surprise to Him. He already knew it would take place. It has been a surprise to us, but not to Him. He knew it would happen and He knows how He plans to use this for His glory and our good. Something else I’m learning is that in my weakness there is His strength. It sounds contradictory but when I am weak, there is less of me and He is strong, meaning there is more of Him.
I know the enemy is mad. He is furious. I prayed and asked God how to raise the children He gave me and how to continue on the path of schooling them if that was what He wanted. God gave me instructions and then waited for my obedience. I listened and obeyed and Satan is spitting fire for real. He hates God, he hates those that believe and he will stop at nothing to hinder our walk.
The question is not what do I do, the question is will I continue walking with God, holding tight to His hand and sitting in His lap as He takes me and my children on a journey that looks hopeless today, but one day we will look back and see just how God put the puzzle of our faith & life together to form a big picture…
There is a song by Kirk Franklin on his The Fight of My Life cd.
The title is Still (in control) [Verse 1:]Lately I've been thinkin'Thinking 'bout youAnd all the thingsI've seen you go throughYour mother the kids andThe problems at homeSorry I wish I could fix what's wrongI hurt when you hurt andI cry when you cryEven the deep onesSometimes wonder why am I going throughI'm waiting but still no use [Chorus:]He's still in controlHe's sovereign and He knowsJust how it feels to be afraidHave folk you love walk awayBe still and know He's still in control [Verse 2:]Lately depressionYour job and your lifeWeighs on your mindAll day and all nightYou know every scriptureAnd what prayer to prayOnly a fool would thinkIt'll all go awayBut there is good newsFor you there's a planA High Priest who knowsAnd who understands what you cannot sayJust a little longer can you wait [Chorus:]He's still in controlHe's sovereign and he knowsJust how it feels to be afraidHave folk you love walk awayBe still and know He's still in control [Bridge:]Don't know what tomorrow will bringOr if this sickness will ever leaveYou can paint a perfect pictureBut will it ever look like it used to beSee, one thing I know for sureThis season made you stronger and more matureCan't you see how far you've comeAnd when you look backIt's gonna be worth it, oooh [Chorus] He's still in controlHe's still in controlHe's still in control
I listened to this song over and over during my drive home today, trying to come to some sort of understanding or conclusion. I don’t profess to have all the answers, nor say that I understand. I’m lost, feeling like I’m a walking zombie at times. I hurt, my children hurt. The pain is unbelievable at times, yet the words to this song are what give me comfort. I don’t understand fully why my marriage failed or why my family is the way it is. I can’t say I understand completely what happened on Tuesday evening with me, Joseph, and my mother, but I know that God is sovereign and He has it all in control. I know He is using even this to grow me and mature me. I’ve cried out that God arrest the hearts of my children and keep them for Himself, this could be the very thing He chose to use in order to do that. We have all learned that the only one we can truly count on is God and God alone! We are human, frail, and weak. We hurt and will hurt others, but God is the only solid foundation in our lives.
I’m clinging to Jesus right now, just as I did when my husband first left. I find my greatest comfort knowing that Christ felt many of the same things I am feeling right now. He knows what it is to be rejected by those who say they love you. He knows what it is to be hurt. He knows everything I am going through. What I am dealing with, what my children are dealing with is no surprise to Him. He already knew it would take place. It has been a surprise to us, but not to Him. He knew it would happen and He knows how He plans to use this for His glory and our good. Something else I’m learning is that in my weakness there is His strength. It sounds contradictory but when I am weak, there is less of me and He is strong, meaning there is more of Him.
I know the enemy is mad. He is furious. I prayed and asked God how to raise the children He gave me and how to continue on the path of schooling them if that was what He wanted. God gave me instructions and then waited for my obedience. I listened and obeyed and Satan is spitting fire for real. He hates God, he hates those that believe and he will stop at nothing to hinder our walk.
The question is not what do I do, the question is will I continue walking with God, holding tight to His hand and sitting in His lap as He takes me and my children on a journey that looks hopeless today, but one day we will look back and see just how God put the puzzle of our faith & life together to form a big picture…
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