12/31/2009

New Years Eve - Afternoon

Well,  I most likely won't post tonight, unless......

It's always good to leave that option open.  I had a goal for 2009 and that was to increase my blogging and I did.
My goal for 2010 is to improve my sewing/quilting skills and start a sewing/quilting blog.  I'm hoping my daughters will get into the groove of this and join me.  That would be loads of fun.
I've narrowed down my hobbies to reading, sewing, and quilting.  I think that's enough for this gal.  I don't know that my plate will handle much more, although I do like my gardening, so I may not be able to do away with that one. ;-)

I don't make resolutions...I never stick to them.  I think my biggest thing for 2010 is to continue the grieving process for my mother and deepen my walk with Christ, not in that particular order but you know...

One other thing I'll be working on this year is being the best me God created me to be.  I've always been a people pleaser and it's gotten really old now.  I just want to be me.  I've noticed that I've gotten a little legalistic and I want to shed that and just please my Savior, after all, HE is the most important one in this universe anyway.

UPDATE:  My sister is a married woman now.  She sent me pictures and we both cried.  Boy how we sure miss our mom!!!!

New Years Eve - Morning

Today my baby sister will be getting married.  Kinda reminds me of when I got married almost 17 years ago.  Mom was not able to be there physically for me when I married and neither will she be there for my sister when she says I do either.

Moments like today and Christmas, and I'm positive others to come, will make us reflect back on who our mother really was.  She was a giant....one whose shoes none of us will ever be able to fill.  She never saw herself as strong or worthy, but if she only knew...we all looked to her for strength just so we could hold on and move forward.

They say this will get easier.  She was our best friend, I don't know if that's possible for it to get easier.  When my brother and then father passed away, it was sad and it hurt and yes over the years it did get easier.  Those two were my best friends as well, but none of them like my mother.  I think it's different when it's a mother.  Those heart strings begin to be knitted and tied together long before birth.  So when you lose a mother, it feels like you have just fallen into an abyss.

Tomorrow will mark the beginning of a new year.  A new year without either of my parents.  A new year I must learn to grow up even more.  A new year that I must try to hold on to so many memories and yet pass on so many things to my children from their grandparents.  A new year to lean on God a little bit more, trust Him even more, and call on Him a lot more.
No grand celebration for our family.  We are thankful and blessed for a new year, but this is also the year of so many unwanted changes.

We love you mom, we wouldn't want you back on this side of heaven simply because we can only imagine the joy, peace, and love you must feel now.  One day, we too will be on that side of heaven with you and we'll fully understand your joy.

God Bless...


12/24/2009

Christmas Eve 2009

This is supposed to be a happy and joyous time of year, this is after all a celebration of Jesus.
Yet I just can't seem to get in the mood.

My heart is heavy as I look around and notice that my mom is missing and see the small changes my sisters fiancé are making in my mothers house and I want to scream. I am actually screaming inside, I want it all to stop and everything to go back to normal. It all seems to be going so fast.

Someone stop the ride I really want to get off of this one.


- iTasha

12/18/2009

A new hurdle

Today we laid my mothers earthen vessle to rest. There were many tears and yet double the laughter.
Mom will be missed even more than she knew but I ever so grateful for the life lessons as well as all the memories.
Mom taught me to cherish the simple stuff, like finding beauty in rocks and collecting them, gazing at the sunset, or going thrift store shopping. She taught me everything I or my children know about crafts and the creative arts. She was full of praise and a smile even when she was going thru lifes challenges.
As we sat thru her homegoing I saw how many lives she touched and for each of those in attendance, there were about 7-10 unable to attend....she literally had children all around the world.
She was FAR above rubies and loved by many. She was my best friend.




- iTasha

12/09/2009

Gone to glory

The ventilator was turned off and removed at 5:15 pm. She did not take a breath afterwards. It has been and is a great blessing to know Christ was her Savior and she is with Him in glory.
Please continue to pray for our strength as we grieve but please, please rejoice with us over her homegoing. She would have it no other way!


- iTasha

Update on mom

Well ladies I thank you greatly for your prayers for my mom. She suffered a major stroke along with about 10 min strokes during surgery. We believe she was sitting at the feet of Jesus by late Sunday afternoon.
She's really not breathing on her own. So we've decided not to wait until Friday but to end her suffering and let her body rest. Her spirit afterall is in the presence of Glory. She's already singing with the angels tending the gardens (she had an amazing green thumb), and enjoying her new body.
I believe she was able to lay eyes upon her mother for the first time ever.
We are hurting but at peace. No one can hurt her or cause her pain and she Has no more worries.


- iTasha

She's in the arms of Jesus

Physically she went to be with Jesus Sunday afternoon while they were still working on her body. She's singing and rejoicing with the angels.
Technically she will be removed from the ventilator today.
I miss her voice and smile already but I wouldn't want her to come back to this life for me, not when she's got Jesus.
I would tell her to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back.

12/08/2009

Monday Morning....8:33

The doctor didn't get to check on mom this morning, he had to rush off to another surgery.

We have learned that paralysis and brain damage are one of possible things that could happen as a result of the surgery.  We know she is not paralyzed but the fact that she is not waking up and not responding is what concerns us and the doctors.

She is scheduled for an MRI at 10 this morning.  Prayerfully we will have some answers.

I think the hardest part is the not knowing.  Not having answers allows your mind to wander.
Still it's all in the Saviors hands.


Mom

It's after midnight and my husband and I are camping out in the hospital waiting area.  We are all too fearful of going to far from the hospital so we are taking turns being "with mom".  We can't go to her room after 10pm and she's still in ICU.

She has yet to respond as they want her to.  She has reflexes but is not following the simple commands they are giving her.  The doctors concern is possible brain damage.

We never thought we'd be on this journey.  It's rather hard to believe.
Our last words to one another were over the phone as they were rushing her to surgery.  She said to me, don't worry, I'll be ok.  I love you.  To which I responded I love you too.

It's scary to think that those may be the final words I heard from my mom and yet comforting too.  There are still so many words left unsaid.  So many things she asked me to do and I never seemed to have any time.  So much I took for granted.

Lord, please give the doctors wisdom.  Help us to not fear but trust.  Keep my mother in your hands and let her know You are near.

12/06/2009

My Momma!

My mother was told she was going to be released on Monday.  We were all a bit confused as they had said they were going to do surgery.
As of Saturday, the doctors felt they would be able to keep things under control with medication and monitor her for 2 months.
We came here to visit last night.  She seemed short of breath and her blood pressure was low.  After we left  she fell and her oxygen level dropped drastically.  They moved her back to ICU but did not call to tell us.  I got a call around 10:30ish this morning saying they were heading in for emergency open heart surgery.
We are in the waiting room and they called at 1 to say that all is set up and they are beginning.  This is a 3 hour surgery.

Please continue to pray!!!!!

12/03/2009

Prayers are Appreciated

On Oct. 8, my mother celebrated her 67th birthday.  Today I sit with her in ICU.
She began complaining of chest pains at 3 AM Wed.  We rushed her to the hospital where they ran a few tests and at first they were going to send her home to follow up with her primary physician.  When we resigned ourselves to that, the doctor returned and said no we want to do one more test.  After that test, they began saying they would be transferring her to a larger hospital in Dallas.

She went from a regular room to ICU for precautions.  We are now waiting for them to take her for a catheter procedure where they may add stints if necessary and then after that, they will determine if she will need open heart surgery.

We appreciate your prayers.  We don't know the future, but we do know who holds it.  In that we find peace and comfort.

She has said that she is not afraid to die, she KNOWS she'll see her Savior.  She just doesn't want to suffer and be in great pain.  Of course we don't know His timing, but we are praying for more time.  All things are in His hands.

I'll keep you posted!!!!  We serve an awesome, loving God and He is MORE than able!!!!!

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