Praying for December 31 Miracle

We're still praising God for the miracle of last week and continuing to pray for the miracle of this week as well.  I'm ready for things to finally begin to balance out for us.

Thanks for your prayers!  And please add an extra prayer in for my health!  The stress and anxiety of the last 5 months has taken a toll on my blood pressure and heart.  I'm trying not to get weary.

It's Christmas Eve!

T'was the night before Christmas.
When all through the house....

All my children are up at this moment and I'm baking pies, cakes, and breads!!! LOL

We will have a day tomorrow of games, food, laughter, and fun.  We won't exchange gifts until February.  It is for 2 reasons.  1.  We can solely focus on what this holiday is really about.  Jesus is the reason for the season and so we put our mind on Him.  2nd. Financially it's easier on me to not have to try to keep up with what everyone else is doing.  My children only receive between 1-3 gifts anyway so it makes it easy for me to get things that are just right for them.

It's been great not to have to deal with the commercialism of Christmas.  I wish we had taken this step of faith when our children were smaller.
It's really sad that we have taken our eyes off Jesus and put them on material things.  Seriously, how many things do we really need???  And then when we get those things, how quickly do we forget about them or get bored with them and then need to buy something else to feed that fix once again.

At any rate, however you choose to celebrate Christmas, I pray that you too remember that Jesus is the reason for the season.  Enjoy your family, friends, and loved ones, but most of all, enjoy the fact that this is a celebration of the sacrifice God made to allow His Son to be born for our salvation!!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

miracles Do Still Happen, Even When You Doubt! PART 3

OK, Miracles keep happening left and right!!!!!  God is soooooooo awesome!

I went to Walmart and made the $900 payment on the mortgage via money gram.  About 45 min. later the mortgage company called.  Remember now I still owed $145 by the 31st to be caught up.
He said Ms. Williams, I just want to let you know we appreciate your effort.  If you can just get $76 to us by the 31st, I'll put it in writing that you are in the clear and January will start you off fresh!!!!!!!!!

WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO Can we say PRAISE GOD!!!!??????

Miracles Do Still Happen, Even When You Doubt! PART 2

I'm sitting at my machine finishing up Christmas gifts for one of my sisters.  I get an alert....I'm $145 away from my December 31st Miracle!!!!!!!!!!

Praying for the $145 and $569 for the remaining bills for the month of December!!!!!!!

Praise...Praise...Praise... My heart is full of praise!!!!!!

Miracles Do Still Happen, Even When You Doubt!

I'm at a point where I'm still speechless as to what the Lord has done for us.  On Dec. 10 I paid $400 towards the back payment of the mortgage, with a promise to pay $500 on the 21st of Dec.
I had no clue where the money would come from, but began to pray for God's provision.  I knew that if we were to get a donation via Gleaning The Harvest, it would go through paypal and it needed to be in my paypal account by Friday, Dec. 17th in order for me to get it transfered to my bank account by Tuesday the 21st.  Then I could make a payment via phone to the mortgage company.  I specifically prayed this prayer with dates a couple of times.  For the most part I was in tears, whining and pouting, and begging the Lord to fix this.  I was down right terrified, totally scared, because the thought of being homeless can do that to you!!!
No donations all week.  None!!!  At some point last Wednesday, I cried out to the Lord totally broken.  I told the Lord I didn't want to be homeless with my children.  I confessed my doubt, confessed my fear, confessed my worry.  Totally admitted to the Lord that I was unable to walk through this fire alone and I didn't think I'd make it at the rate I was going.
I prayed that prayer and felt a huge weight lift.  I knew my circumstances had not changed, but I just felt like the Lord was telling me not to worry about the $500 and I had a great peace.
Friday morning, came and went.  Friday afternoon, came and went.  Friday evening, came and went.  Late Friday night, my alert message for new emails went off.  It was my email account I set up specifically for job searches and paypal.  I had no alerts all week so didn't think much of it...figured it was probably junk mail.  But what did my eyes see!!!!!
SOMEONE had donated to our family a whole whopping $500!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  YES, you saw that right!  The EXACT amount needed for the mortgage company, exactly on the day I needed it in my paypal account so I could transfer it to my account and pay the mortgage tomorrow!!!!
The Texas Two Step, The Happy Dance, My Praise Dance, all seemed so inadequate.  All I could do was fall in a heap and bawl my eyes out while praising the name of JESUS!

I am NOT a perfect Christian and I know none of us are.  I've worried, doubted, and feared, when God said to be strong and of courage, to not doubt or worry, and to fear not.  However, God knew this would come to this point.  He knew I would worry, doubt, and fear.  Yet, He has remained faithful and never left me.  He is having to walk with me as my faith and trust are rebuilt, and He is ever so patient to walk through this with me.  He lovingly waits for me to wade through all of this mess.  He did absolutely nothing for my faith to get to this point and yet He is patiently waiting and loving me.

My God is good!  He's more than amazing!  He's awesome beyond words!  He really is strong when I am weak!  He's Everything I need!  He's GOD!!!!!!!

I had been praying for a Dec. 21st and 31st miracle!  Miracles do still happen, even when I doubt.

I'm still praying for the Dec. 31st miracle and the ability to pay the rest of our bills for this month!  I know God is able, even when I struggle with trusting what I can't see!!!!

To the family that so graciously gave, THANK YOU is so inadequate to express my heart.  For those contemplating giving to one of the families on Gleaning the Harvest, know that you are helping a single mother to be with her children even if just for one more day.  This journey is truly a moment by moment journey.  Sometimes we are able to put one foot in front of the other and sometimes we need someone to hold our arms up in this battle.  We covet your prayers!!!!!
For those that have prayed me through this time, listened to me rant and rave and whine, Where would I be without Sisters in Christ willing to stand in the gap for me and my children!

Sacrificing Our Children...

As I was driving today, I began to contemplate the fact that I may have to go back to work full time.  I don't want to, I want to be a mom.  I want to be with my children.  However, with the housing situation and the possibility of being homeless, I know it's a real possibility that I may have to sacrifice my children yet again.

It seems so unfair that the children of single family homes are the ones that are sacrificed.  I know this is not a perfect world and that people are not as God had intended in the beginning...yet, it saddens me that single mothers (some fathers too) really don't have a say.  My children and many children around the world did not ask for this.

I can say that before August 2010 my children and I were close, but the heart of my middle child was searching and seeking others to tie her heart to.  I can say that since I've been home I have seen this child of mine cling to me as though life depends on it.  She's not the one that expresses herself.  She doesn't cry, she shows no emotion.  However, I've seen on several occasions where her eyes have filled with tears.  She's learning to open up, she's learning to express herself and to be honest I don't want to leave that!!!!!!  I don't want her to bottle everything up again.

I guess I'm just rambling, expressing my thoughts.  Pouring out my heart.

Discouraged

Never Ending...

Now we are dealing with a stomach virus one, by one.  UGH, it seems like each week brings something new.  I'm sick and tired of being sick!
I want to blog, there is so much I have to say.  I just can't stay well long enough to put my thoughts in a post.
OK, going to bed now...

Update on Housing

Well, the Lord has been gracious to provide a payment plan.

I've paid $400 of the now $1465.  In 2 weeks I've got to come up with $500 and then 10 days from that the remaining $565.  In looking at things as they are now, I don't know how I'll pay that nor any of the remaining bills, oh and now my van needs breaks.  But I do know that God will provide for all our needs.  It all belongs to Him anyway!!!!!

Please continue to pray and thanks so much for lifting us up before the Lord!!!

It's been a day

Today marks 1 year that my mother has been home with the Lord.  This entire week has been an emotional roller coaster, as I could replay words, steps, thoughts, and moments that led up to this point in 2009.
I've wanted to give up and walk away, but God.  If not for Him keeping me, I KNOW I would not have made it.
My children and I went to the DFW National Cemetery.  The first time we've been back since last year for her funeral.  My son stayed in the car, so it was just me and the girls.  It was not easy, but I'm glad we did it.  Even after my tears and such, I wondered would I return there?  Would I put flowers down again?  My mother is not there.  She is present with the Lord.
As we were driving back home, I was trying to figure out what we would do as a celebration of her life each year.  Here is what I came up with... we will release a balloon for each year that she has been with Jesus and light a candle at 5 pm, which is the time that the family gathered in preparation of removing her from life support.  I don't know if I will ever go back to the cemetery, but I will celebrate what a marvelous woman she was!!!!

God Is...

Sunday during praise and worship, we heard a clip played by Priscilla Shirer...

In Genesis, He's the breath of life
In Exodus, He is the Passover Lamb
In Leviticus, He's our high priest
In Numbers, the fire by night
Deuteronomy, He's Israel's Guide
Joshua, He's salvation's choice
Judges, He's Israel's Guard
In Ruth, the kinsmen's redeemer
1st and 2nd Samuel, our trusted prophet
In Kings and Chronicles He is Sovereign
In Ezra, He's the true and faithful scribe
In Nehemiah, the re-builder of broken walls and lives
In Esther, He's Mordecai's courage
In Job, the timeless redeemer
In Psalms He is our morning song
In Proverbs, He is our wisdom
Ecclesiastes, He's the time and season
In Song of Solomon, He is the lover's dream
In Isaiah He is Prince of Peace
In Jeremiah, the weeping prophet
Lamentations, the cry for Israel
Ezekiel, the call from sin
Daniel, the stranger in the fire
Hosea, the forever faithful
Joel, the spirit's power
Amos, the strong-arms that carry
Obadiah, the Lord our Savior
Jonah, the great missionary
Micah, the promise of peace
Nahum, our strength and shield
In Habakkuk and Zephaniah, He's brings revival
In Haggai He restores that which was lost
IN Zachariah, He's our fountain
And in Malachi, He's the son of righteousness rising with healing in His wings
AND THAT'S JUST THE OLD TESTAMENT

In Matthew Mark Luke and John, He is God and Messiah
In the spirit filled book of Acts, He is the reigning fire from Heaven
In Romans, He is the grace of God
Corinthians, the power of love
Galatians, freedom from the curse of sin
Ephesians, our glorious treasure
Philippians, the servant's heartColossians, He's God and the trinity
Thessalonians, our calling King
In Timothy, Titus and Philemon, He's our mediator and our faithful pastor
In Hebrews, the everlasting courage
In James, the one who heals the sick
In 1st and 2nd Peter, our faithful shepherd
In John and Jude, He's the lover coming for His bride

AND in the Revelation, in the very end, when it's all over, said and done, when time is NO MORE. He is and will always be the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, Prince of Peace, son of Man, Lamb of God, The Great I am, Alpha and Omega, God and Savior He is Jesus Christ the Lord HE IS EVERYTHING THAT YOU NEED!

If I can just get these truths engrained in my heart, mind, and life.  I want to live this out.  I want to walk it out.  I want it to shine forth from my every pore.  I want to impact women for God.  I want to share His word.

Then in that same breath I say, but can God use me?  I, who am nothing, can He use me?  Will He use me?  Someone who has no clue how to even study His Word.  Inadequate in knowledge and understanding.  His Word intimidates me, and yet, the fire is being kindled again...I want to know Him, His Word, and I want to teach it!

MIA ~ Too Sick to Post

Over the last week, I've been entirely too sick to post.
Last Friday evening as I was sewing, I began to feel bad.  My chest was hurting and everyone thought maybe I needed to go to the hospital.  I thought I just needed to lay down and so I did.  When I woke up Saturday morning, I knew I had the flu.  My body ached, I have a fever, and my throat was super sore.
By Saturday evening, I knew for sure we wouldn't be attending church Sunday and then my oldest baby girl began to feel bad as well.  I rested pretty well until Wednesday morning when I tried to go to work.  I knew I wouldn't be back that afternoon.
I finally began to feel like my old self on Friday and went to work.  I totally missed the kiddos that ride my bus.
Also on Friday, I felt well enough to finish the birthday gift for my sister.  A set of reversible place mats and matching apron.

Today, my head is still a little stuff, the coughing is still in my chest, but I'm planning to get some more sewing done!  If I can get up from this one spot. ;-)