Get Out of That Pit...Ch. 1

Before I go further, I wanted to impress that the pushing of my buttons was not people letting me know what my children were posting on Facebook.  I no longer have Facebook and so I greatly appreciate when people contact me out of concern.  The pushing of my buttons is that I KNOW the enemy is doing ALL he can to ensnare my children.....

I decided not to post on Chapter 1 yesterday, but to just meditate on yesterdays message from church as well as to re-read chapter 1.  I'm still re-reading.  It's not a long chapter, but I'm taking it extra slow.

In the couple of pages I read the first time, tears streamed down my face.  Tears of understanding.  When we think of a pit, as Christians, we more than likely associate it with a pit of sin.  That we are in our despair because of sin.  Now for the most part, that may be true, but as I read on, it seemed to me that the 3 different ways of getting into the pit she describes are all ways I've gotten in.  The sad thing is that so many of us are in this pit and we've begun to decorate it and try to make the most of it and be content.

However, I'm like Beth, I think there are just some things we aren't supposed to be content with and being in the pit is #1!!!

"A pit is an early grave that Satan digs for you in hopes he can bury you alive.  Should you fall into it, make no mistake; he cannot make you stay.  Ironically, neither will God make you leave.  Like it or not, some things are simply up to us.  (This statement will become clearer in another chapter)

Psalms 40:1-3 says I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifter me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.

When all is said and done, this will be my victory message...

She says you know you are in a pit when.....

1. You feel stuck...Isaiah 42:22  This describes me.  I have felt like surely I did something to deserve to get here so I might as well make the most of it and deal with it.

2. You can't stand up...Psalm 69:2  I feel ineffective and powerless against the attacks of the enemy.

3.  You've lost vision...I can tell you this is a dark place, this pit.  There is no vision here.  I look around with a fleeting moment of hope and then suddenly all hope is gone.  Not able to see a way out, I turn inward.  She says "We can't see out, so we turn our sights in.  After a while, nearsightedness breeds hopelessness.  We feel too buried in our present state to feel passionate about a promised future."

THIS IS ME!!!!  THIS IS ME!!!!  Finally, someone understands!!!!!

There is one thing I know, I want out of this pit!  I want my freedom back!  I have not understood the pit, but I have prayed and told God I felt like I was in a grave, a dark place.  There is darkness all around and at times there are glimmers of light, but after you've been digging in the muck for so long, you're too tired to even try and fight for the bit of light you see or you try and you enjoy it for a moment and the enemy hits you with something else and you topple back down to the bottom.  After you've been struck down so many times, you get too tired to even dig and you sit there trying to make the best of it and be content.  And yet I'm constantly saying, Lord this does not feel like the abundant life you promised.  And by that, I don't mean EVERY moment will be sunshine, but it will far outweigh the gloom.  I have fleeting moments of sunshine and the gloom is eating me alive.

I can say I fully understand what my mother went through the last year of her life for sure, but she didn't know how to describe it nor was I fully capable of understanding what she could describe.

This is no cake walk, it is definitely a war.  It is a spiritual war and the enemy is out to steal, kill, and destroy.  He doesn't let up either.  He is relentless until we give up or we FINALLY get to that place of victory through Christ Jesus.  The victory has already been won, you say.  I say it has and I agree, but there is a battle in the spirit realm and in my mind.  The battle is ongoing and I'm fighting for my life!!!!  Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.  The only thing is.....we never know how long the night will last!!!!  As for me, THIS HAS BEEN A LONG NIGHT and I'm ready to wake up!

Thanks for allowing me to be honest.

I'm almost beginning to wonder if this book and Joyce Meyers book...The Battlefield of the Mind should be read simultaneously!!!  

Light.....After Great Darkness

I FINALLY saw the Light of Hope!!!

I haven't been able to read the Word in over 2 1/2 weeks. Hadn't been able to even open it. Couldn't fully understand why this great attack on me.

Until last night!!!

Well, let me back up. Yesterday morning I took my Bible outside and sat down and actually read about 3 passages in Psalms. That was all I could muster. I prayed briefly and that was about all I could muster. Tinkered on the piano a bit and cried out to God in great anguish.

Took my son to karate and prayed off and on while waiting in the car for an hour.

Got home and told the kids to get their Bibles. We haven't read in 2 1/2 weeks mind you. So kids are looking at me a bit strange. I don't feel like it, but I forge ahead. I don't "feel" like doing this. I don't "feel" like reading or praying. But I push forward even if it's only 5 min.

We briefly talked about relationship with God and how we (those of us in the family that don't have a relationship with God) have basically been pimping God. Do our duty on Sunday and then wait with our hand out the remainder of the week expecting to be lavished with blessings and get angry when we aren't. (another blog post on that later)

Then I began to share with them about this dark time. Why I have been so quiet, afraid, and in tears constantly. Fear of the visions I see. Fear of what I might do to myself. Quiet because I saw no hope and tears because that was all I could bring myself to do, along with begging God to please save me and protect me or else I would surely die.

As I was sharing with them, God began to bring to my rememberance a conversation I had 3 weeks ago. We were talking about fighting for our families and praying for our children that are lost and pushing God further away. I mentioned that I had challenged the enemy the day before. Told him he'd have to kill me before I allowed one of my children to be snared by him. I reminded God of all the promises He gave me for my family and again told the devil he could not have my family and the only way he would get them would be to kill me.

I was told I should never challenge the enemy that way, he will surely do all he can to defeat me. I said if we don't challenge him then we are saying our God has no power and from all I've read, my God has ALL power and ALL things are UNDER His feet. The enemy is in subjection to Him!!!

I forgot about that prayer. I've been begging God to help me understand why I was going through this dark time and to draw me out of it. I can't explain it any better than I have been deathly afraid my time was drawing nigh and that it would be at my own hands.

Little did I realize I would forget that conversation and less than a week later, the enemy began his attack on me and tried to take me out. LITERALLY

Since remembering that conversation and sharing it with the kids, I have felt a heaviness lift off me. I'm cautious but NOT defeated!!!!! For the first time in weeks I felt a ray of hope and saw a glimmer of light!!! It has been a long, hard, rough couple of weeks, but as I think about it, it seems as if it were a wilderness moment. You know in Matthew 3:17 the voice of God declares after Jesus has been baptized, "This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased." and IMMEDIATELY the next thing we see in Matthew 4:1 is that Jesus is led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. I could feel heaviness all around me, but no one would be there. I could hear movement all around me, but I would be the only one in the room. The sad thing is I would cower in my bed, not fearful of the enemy and his minions that may have been lurking about, but I was afraid of what I would do to myself. I was too weak to "pray" and so I'd just lay here in bed and cry out Lord if You don't save me, I won't be saved. If you don't rescue me, the enemy will win because I am not strong enough to fight this. Sometimes it would just be Lord Help ME!

But last night, something in the Spiritual realm happened. As I shared and remembered, I no longer felt heavy or defeated. The air in the room began to lighten up. I smiled for the first time last night and truly felt it.

Please pray for God's protection upon me and my children. I don't believe he's finished, but angry (the enemy that is). I didn't denounce my Lord though I did stop reading His Word. I didn't stop praying all together, my prayers were more like cries for mercy and questions. Not only is the enemy after my children, he will kill me to move me out of the way!!!!!

But God is greater!

Immediately after sharing with the kids, God put a song upon my heart. I pray this song blesses you as it did me. I sat here listening to it with tears streaming down my face. God has not put a song on my heart in over 2 weeks. Every morning I would wake up with the words of a song in my head and I'd look for it on youtube and that would be my song for the day. I would go have my quiet time and finish up with praise or worship to the particular song God gave me for the day. I had not had that until last night and this is what He gave me!!! Enjoy! 

Wednesday Night Bible Study

I wanted to post this last night when we got home from church, but the late hour and the fact that I was going to be getting up at 4:30 to take Ari to work (only 5 hours of sleep), was a factor I chose not to contend with! ;-)

1 Samuel 15:22-23 And Samuel said, Has the Lord a great delight in burned offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord?  Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.
For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness (insubordination) is as iniquity and idolatry.  Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He has also rejected you from being king.


How many times have I quoted this scripture to my children when they were little?  So many times I can't count it on my fingers anymore.  After last night though, I wondered if I had the explanation of this scripture for myself and for them would things had been different in my youth and would it had saved my children some heartache as well?!

Rebellion- is the refusal to obey or obey completely and it is equal to the sin of witchcraft (playing around with cults and demons).  It opens you up to the demonic realm.

WWWWWWHHHHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!

Yes, that's exactly what I was saying while I wrote that down last night.  I'm a scary person by nature.  The demonic and cult realm scare me.  To me it's like drugs/alcohol and they scare me.  With drugs/alcohol you aren't in full control of yourself.  To me, that's what the demonic and cult realm are like.  Then it scares me because if I'm foolin' around with that, then that means I'm not on my Daddy's side...He's not living within me.  And truth be told, I want Him all up in my mix!!!!

But then I just sat there in shock, horror, shame, regret, etc.  When we disobey God, we invite the demonic into our thoughts, lives, and relationships.

To think that insubordination means to refuse to come under legitimate authority is as idolatry and idolatry is ANYTHING you are using to replace God.  Well, by this point, my spirit within me was really heavy and I began to repent and ask God to show me specifically where I had allowed the door of my life open to the enemy and his minions.

The example given was as follows:  A man walked up to the pastor and told him he wanted a divorce from his wife.  He realized that now he had married a demon and he wanted out.  The pastor said he knew this man well and the situation and had counseled him previously.  He turned to the man and said, you refuse to come in line with your Spiritual Authority, you've opened the door of your home, marriage, and family to the evil one and now you want out?  I say to you today, repent, get in line with your Spiritual Authority, and see if your home life does not begin to change.

When the husband refuses to come under the authority of God, he invites demons into his home and family.  The he doesn't want to live with what he's invited in.  Children may reflect the demons that the father has allowed in by being out of order.  Wives may also reflect those demons.  You don't just walk away from that, you get your house in order.
Sadly this made me think about my own home and made me wonder.  I won't go into detail, but I will say I can pinpoint the exact time period and what was going on when things began to get out of order and it had to do with my husband.

Speaking of which, I'm asking for sincere prayer for this man.  I have had no contact with him and don't know where he is.  However, one of his sisters contacted me and though they don't talk and she claims to not know where he is either, she did share some concerns with me.  He is deeply, deeply involved in a cultic religion.  This sister once lived in great sin and recently (about a yr. ago) gave her life to Christ and began to make a turn around.  He basically told her to go and continue in sin because her life was so much better then.  When she refused, he got extremely upset with her. She did say that he fears dying alone as his father did.  When I say his father's life and his life are a mirror image at this point in time, I'm being very honest.  That grieves my heart.  I know God's desire is that none of us perish and yet we all have free will.  But when I think back...this man knows Truth.  He received/accepted Christ and was baptized.  So to hear about a change in him such as this, is very disheartening.
Satan deceives so that he can get us to disobey, thereby, unlocking the doors of our lives to him.  I'm afraid that this is what has taken place in his life and I saw when it began to happen.  I'm saddened that I was not more spiritually mature to discern then what was taking place.

So the question that was put before us and I now put before you is:  What have you partially obeyed or completely disobeyed that has allowed the enemy entry into your life or the lives of your family?  Repent and ask God to rid your life of the demonic influence.

Walking in the Wilderness

Exodus 5:1 ~ And afterward Moses and Aaron went in, and told Pharaoh, Thus says the Lord God of Israel, LET MY PEOPLE GO, THAT THEY MAY HOLD A FEAST TO ME IN THE WILDERNESS.

I've often wondered why did they have to go into the wilderness to celebrate the Lord.
Over the last couple of days I have listened and re-listened over and over again to a sermon by Pastor Tony Evans.  Revival: The Return of God to His People.  I've listened to it sooo many times that you would think I could quote it by heart and that there couldn't possibly be something new to get out of this sermon.

As I was walking around the kitchen, listening to this sermon yet again, a statement jumped out at me regarding Exodus 5:1.  Pastor explained it like this...
We think the purpose of Pharaoh letting God's people go was so that they could get to the promised land.  That was part of the reason, but before that, He wanted to develop them in the wilderness.  He put them in a situation in the wilderness to learn to put God first, to trust Him, to walk with Him, to Serve Him.  So that when they got to the promised land they wouldn't forget God.

I thought they wandered around because of the grumbling, complaining, sinning within the people.  And then this statement jumped out at me and I tell you God spoke to me.

I am in the wilderness.  I did hear God correctly about quitting the full time job and getting closer to home.  However, God is developing me in this wilderness moment.  It is in this place that God will develop my walk, faith, trust, and relationship with Him.

I seriously ask for prayers.  I am coveting your prayers.  I know that in this wilderness time as God is developing me, that the enemy is upset.  He knows how powerful getting serious about God is.  When people of God get serious about getting right with God, the enemy comes out with all he has.  He will seek ways to disrupt and distract me from getting serious about God.  I go into this with the expectation that the enemy will come, but I'm also praying that he will not be successful with his schemes.  Please cover me and my children in prayer, that the wiles of the enemy will be thwarted.